Mak

I Still Cry When It Comes to You Not sure how to go about this one but when it comes to you just know I still remember everything that happened between the two of us starting from the day I walked into your classroom looking for you hoping you would give me a chance to be yours back in 2013 of May two weeks before your birthday to being someone you knew nothing about!!! I understand my mistakes at the time made you hate me so much but yet we kept on pushing and pushing only to burn it all down to ash because the thought of us being together never made sense once summer ended! I was off traveling and you were focused on your studies and seasonal sports! I ended up turning off the lights and going ghost to protect myself from the feelings that were haunting me! I kept so many memories of us hidden in my room that one day I just became numb looking back on them so I threw them all away like how I did with the love I gave to you! I was so unsure of myself and the thoughts I was having that...

Should I Continue or Just Give Up on the Thought of You?! I know I have zero reasons to put the blame on myself but shit just got all weird overnight and I’m trying to figure out what caused it all because we no longer talk or reach out to one another anymore! I know things are crazy with my schedule and everything else going on with me behind the scenes but I just don’t understand how we went from texting and seeing each other every day to ghosting one another out of the blue!! I keep asking myself if I was too needy with you or if I was being too nonchalant with you to give you an impression of me not wanting to bother with you and if that’s the case I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to make myself seem like you were a bother to me! I just get focused on certain things and don’t care to think or make time for anything else until the thing I’m fixated on is done! It’s a bad habit of mine I know!!  It’s just crazy knowing how you feel about me and the way you think about me without you kn...

Seeing You For the First Time... Made Me Feel Some Type of Way I feel like it’s none of my business when it comes to you but at the same time there’s this feeling I’ve been having lately and it’s towards you and I don’t know how to describe it without coming off as being obsessed with you! If that makes sense! It’s just my feelings end up lying to me most of the time so the things I feel for others isn’t how I truly feel it’s just what my mind feels is right at the time but down the line, it all just becomes a mistake and I have to let it go! So I’m not sure why I’m even bothering with the thought of acknowledging these feelings for you when I know nothing is going to happen between the two of us! You’ve got your thing and I’ve got my thing! Our lives don’t even cross paths and if they ever did then it was just a sign that I made a mistake in not trusting my feelings and saying hey to you when I saw you!  I keep quiet and in the background of your work because I’m not trying to bot...

Wishing I Could Turn My Feeling Off... I’m not even sure why I’m back on here but I guess I’m just trying to figure out the thought of you and what it could mean for me! I’m not trying to make it obvious as to how I feel about you but at the same time, I can’t deny the feelings that I’m having when I look at you! Somehow down the line of meeting you, my feelings started forming and now I don’t know what to do! I’m trying to just focus on my doings but then we cross paths and I catch you staring at me making me think some things up only to find out you’re just watching me hoping I’d come talk to you! Only by coming to terms with you and I will never fully be capable of making the first move due to our current situations in life! Which sucks but honestly I’m down to just being a friend of yours and hopefully have us be more than friends if you’re wanting that! But I’m in no rush and by the looks of things and what I’m hearing you’re okay with me making the first move! I just wish I could...

Time to Let It Go Hey I know this has nothing to do with you or the things you said but I just need some time to disappear and reflect on some things and the things I want in life. I know I already have a good thing going for me right now. But I still feel like something or someone is missing in my life and I just need to go out and find that missing thing for me. So in the meantime go out and do your own thing and just have fun. Just know I'll be watching from a distance wishing you the best. I don't really have much to offer to you anymore since most of my doings will no longer be a concern to you. I just know this path I'm about to go on will eventually lead me back to you but for now, I just need some space from the things I used to do and knew.  I didn't mean for things to go down this way but looking back at all my doings I can see it was never really my place to stay so I apologize for even considered on showing up. I just wanted you to see how much I cared about...

It Never Made Much Sense Until You Walked In I'm sorry for coming at you sideways thinking you were just another waste of time. But you need to understand that not everyone who meets me will ever get full access to me and you thinking I had a problem with you wasn't the case. I'm just fully aware and fully gaurded when it comes to letting people in and having them get close to me without having them get hurt in the process. I was taking my time and letting things build up slowly between you and I because I knew you'd be the one to save me but I didn't wanna let the thought of you being the one to do so get to me. So I held off and took my time with you and kept my distance from you so you wouldn't think I needed you. I just saw something in you that I haven't seen with anyone else and I knew I had to keep it cool and be aware of the things that could go wrong if I slipped up. So I chose to stay silent and only asked minum questions when it came to you becaus...

Trying to Forget About What's Her Name! I understand you and I haven’t been on the best of terms when it comes to us being together but the drugs and pain haven’t changed anything about the things I feel or do when it comes to you! I still get sad every time I think of you and when I lock eyes with you I feel completely numb not knowing how to talk to you when you’re around! I still shy away from speaking to you knowing that’s all you want me to do but I just can’t help but think you still hate me for all the damage I’ve done! It’s understandable but I’m not ready to call you the one I let get away knowing that’s what it’s coming to! I wish I could stay and erase the pain but that’s highly unlikely right about now because we’ve already gone through the phases of back and forth knowing we can’t keep doing this!  It’s just crazy how much history we have. Looking back at what we had to have it be over, it just doesn’t sit right with me! I keep thinking there’s gotta be another way for...

Leave Me Alone This has nothing to do with you it’s just something I’ve gotta work out on my own knowing there’s no looking back at it once it’s done! I just want this to be for me and me only but yet part of me can’t make it all towards me when you were involved in the feelings I was having! So I’m trying my best not to worry about these feelings I’m having right now so instead I worry about the thought of losing you knowing you’re the only one who gets me from the anti-social behavior to the laughing til I’m crying on the bathroom floor! It’s hard going through life-changing events when the feelings I’ve had for you since day one are slowly starting to fade into the void not knowing what’s next to come! I sit back and let you do you and let you reach out when you’re ready only to feel a sense of loneliness every time! You text me saying that you need me but I see you with that other guy and my is telling me that I’m no longer needed so I walk the other way and hope to never see you a...

Something About Your Eyes & Smile Has Me Wanting to Be Yours Yeah, I get it the title is long and straight to the point but anyways, besides all that! There’s this person who’s so damn fine I just can’t get them out of my head and as much as try they keep reappearing making me want to go out of my way and make a move on them! I just know if I make a move or peep the slightest hint of me liking them more than a friend then I’ll lose them all together! So instead I ball up all my feelings and go about my life without a single thought about them even though it’s breaking my heart piece by piece! I can’t help but find this person to be an angel sent from heaven the way they move and talk makes me feel as if they’re from another planet! Everything about them is so beautiful and perfect that it’s hard to find a single flaw about them and even if there was a flaw or two about them then I’d love them either way! There’s no telling where they came from or who sent them to me but I’m very gr...

Left a Mark Just to Leave Me Feeling All Alone I know this is going to make zero sense since I’ve only mentioned this person to my best friend, but hopefully, it all makes sense eventually because the way I feel about them is something I’ve only felt once in my life. Now that I see and feel the things I feel with this person, I think it’s best if I just let it out and not talk about it anymore!  I feel like I got too close to this person and it’s my fault for thinking we could be friends and acting as if I’m fine with just being friends but when I look at you I feel so many things knowing I can’t act on the things I feel because it would only make things worse for me and I’m not trying to feel that way right now! I just want to conclude that what we have right now will only be what it is right now and nothing more! So in the meantime, I’ll go ahead and cry and yell to my friend all I want about this and that but it’s not going to change the way I feel towards you! I can deny the fe...

I'm not Trying to Be a Bother to You or Anyone Else I know it’s not my place to talk about our past and the battles we lost but there’s just a lot to process when it comes to you and me! I was young and dumb when it came to you and I thought my best was all it took to get things right but in reality, it was much more than that! I was only concerned for what was best for myself at the time and never for you and I take full responsibility for my actions that caused you pain without me even knowing it! I thought you were just being dramatic and looking for attention when in reality the pain you were feeling was completely valid I was just too dumb to take the time to understand it from your point of view! I was only looking for the next best thing when it came to us and the pain and suffering never seemed to cross my mind! I knew if I had acknowledged the bad then my mind would feel the sadness and pain that was happening and prevent me from doing my own thing!  I wanted to take a ste...