Mak

If I Cried Out Every Tear I Held Back, Would that Make Me Less of a Man?! Not really sure if I wanna forgive myself for all the hurt and sleepless nights I put myself through trying to escape from the pain I caused myself from simply just existing and trying to keep out of sight from everyone I've ever met. I have this weird ass feeling that there's someone constantly watching my every move, trying to replicate my own well-being, and acting as if they're the real thing when in reality it's just me fighting against my inner demons trying to escape the void of feeling lonely. I keep thinking about going back home and trying to find the feeling of being safe and loved once again, but instead, I'm reminded of all the mistakes and fights I had while being there, just to watch it all burn down as time went on. I walked down the empty streets, thinking of all the memories that haunt me from being who I really am. I wish I could go back to the day I was born and kill myself...

F*** Around with Me, & You're Going to End Up Feeling Lonely! I know you probably don’t understand how I was once interested in you to no longer wanting you around, and the answer is simple! I got bored, and the feelings that you thought I was showing weren’t real. I was just mirroring you so I could feel something that made it easier to be with you and not have you see me as someone who was cold-hearted and uncaring! I know it’s fucked up to do such a thing, but it’s how I am with everyone I come in contact with, so I don’t end up getting hurt in the process when the time comes to moving on!  You probably saw me picture perfect, but deep down, that’s not me, nor will it ever be! The only thing picture perfect about me is the photos I take! So I apologize in advance if my charm and characteristics threw you off! It was never my intention to have you get close enough to where you started thinking about me! I was simply just testing the waters out and seeing if the dating scene w...

Can We Go Back to Being Friends? Not sure how I even got to this place, but here I am once again going through the motions and feelings just thinking about how you're doing and what you've been up to since we last talked and went our separate ways. Hopefully, everything for you has been going well and you've figured out what you've wanted to do with your life and met some of those goals you talked about reaching. I'm sorry for not reaching out or making my presence known to you. I just thought keeping my distance would make you forget about me, while I sat back and ended up wishing the best for you. I see you out and about every now and then, but I don't make it my business to approach you or say hi because I think the feelings would just come back to me, and I don't wanna feel those things knowing you don't feel the same way towards me. I know I tend to get caught up in my head and feelings to think clearly, and as much as I tell myself it no longer mat...

...And Suddenly You're Calling Up My Line?!? Please just ignore all the shit I'm bout to say, it has nothing to do with you or anyone around me. It's just for my own use, and I don't know how else to explain the shit I'm feeling without it being directed towards them that doesn't hurt them. It's kind of fucked up how your line has been disconnected, but then I see you posted up with your new man, thinking I'd feel some type of way, but instead I just said to myself it was about damn time and logged out the account. I didn't think anything about it or care to do anything else other than just sleep and go to work in the morning. I was actually proud and happy for you, but then you had the urge to somehow ruin all of that by reaching out, which, to my surprise, I could have sworn you had me blocked, so for you to randomly reach out after you posted that photo just gave me wtf vibes. Cause what do you mean you're apparently in a happy relationship, t...

Love Yourself, Not Me Not sure how I ended up here again when I thought I was done with all of this. But somehow the timeline brought me back to this, and now I can't seem to escape it, and no matter how much I try to ignore it and keep myself busy from the thought of it, I'm here typing away. I wish this shit were easy, but it never is. Maybe from my point of view it is, but those watching it's more like a maze trying to figure me out and my doings, and I wish it wasn't. I wish things could be easy, but they never are, and as much as I try to break it down to make it easier to process, I end up feeling like the bad guy all over again. So I let it fall and be for what it is and start all over. I keep wanting to escape the cycle of back and forth, but that's all I'm ever good at, it seems. I know I can only hope that you could see where I'm coming from, but that would take a miracle from the looks of it. I kept self-sabotaging and isolating myself thinking it...

Hope I'm Not Asking for Too Much Sorry for not keeping this site updated or posting on any platform to make it seem like I'm fine. However, I've decided to stop lying about how I'm feeling, so I just decided to fade into the background until I felt better about myself and my actions. I kept busy with the street photography and my job, but overall, I've been feeling more lost than ever. I don't know if it's because of the whole moving situation that I'm trying to figure out, or if it's the fact that I'm close to 30 and still feel so behind in life, even though I'm financially fine and doing well for myself for the most part. But for some reason, I have days where I feel like the things I'm doing don't really matter, and I should just stop and end it all as it is and go live a life in another realm where it's better for my soul and mind. I've cut ties and lost contact with almost everyone I've ever talked to because if somet...

This City Feels Empty When You're Gone I know you don’t give a fuck but there’s so much distance between us two that it feels like nothing that I do will ever change the way you look at me! I feel so alone that sometimes I wish I could call you up and hear your voice on the other end, but instead it’s just dial tone with no way through! I drive down memory lane thinking back on all the good times that we had, only to stop myself from thinking bout all the wrongs that caused us to feel so empty towards each other! I tried my best to remind myself of how things should’ve been, but in the end, you just proved your point on why we will never work even though you’re the only one who’s ever on my mind, and as much as I wanna ask for forgiveness from you it’ll never happen! I’m just hoping that you’ll realize how much I need you next to me! But for now, I’ll continue to remind you of how much you mean to me, only to constantly get shut out because you can’t face the fact that I'm into...

Infatuated By Someone Who's No Good for Me I know this is going to hurt me in the long run, but I'm already in the deep end with you, so let me just go ahead and drown in the thoughts of us not ever being together, and I can move on from these feelings that I have for you. Things always seem to be so easy when you're around, but then you leave and make me feel like it was my fault, but turns out it was never anything to begin with, other than my imagination. It's hard for me to describe the way I feel towards you when you're long gone somewhere else, being happy. I can see it in your face that you wish things could be different but then we make a move to get past it only to find out it's not really meant for us so we go back to keeping our distance only to miss each other in the process and just repeat the cycle over and over til one of us can't keep it together. I see you every now and then, only to freeze as if time stood still and process the image of you...

Thinking Bout All the Things We Used to Do I understand the person you ended up being with was far gone from saving, but knowing things ended up how they did, I wouldn’t change it for the world! You and I had a lot of great memories, but they’ve somehow managed to fade into the void, and now, when I look at you, there’s nothing there to feel other than the pain that I caused! I knew my doings back then weren’t the best, but you stuck around thinking it was for the best when it wasn’t! I wish things could have worked out between you and me, but looking back, that would have meant being true to myself, and at the time, I was lost as to what was happening around me! I knew I loved you with all my heart, but something always felt off, no matter how much I tried to express what I was feeling and going through! I cried myself to sleep, wishing it would all just stop! But instead, I wake up with this pain of being the bad guy in the end, and I just couldn’t let it go! I needed you to be there...

It Goes Like This I've come to terms with my life always being on the go, and I just have to accept it for the sake of my own well-being. I keep myself pretty content and out the way of others and just focus on the things that matter and as of recently I went ahead and removed someone who was holding me back from me living my life to the fullest and so far everything been so much clearer to me now that they're gone and the rest of the people that were just like them. It's like a block of weight has been removed from my shoulders, and I can finally be free to move as I please. Being something I wasn't for someone else's approval for the past 6 years really took a toll on me, and I'm finally realizing that my actions were basically because of them, and now that they're gone I can finally see why everyone wants to be around me and constantly asking to hang out. I guess I really am a people person but never really saw that for myself because I had someone breath...

I'm Better Off Not Knowing You 6 years of the back and forth trying to get to know one another, and yet we never even got past the first-name basis. You come my way to leave me confused about what I’m doing with my life, just to watch from a distance and make it seem like I was the problem all along. I did what I could to keep myself from getting upset but you had me so fucked up I just kept my cool and avoided your presence whenever I went out with my friends! I ended up making myself numb to the feelings around me, knowing it wouldn’t end well if I reacted to all the things I felt! I avoided the social interactions until I was at ease from the thought of seeing you! I told myself I could try being your friend just to keep myself from hating you, but hating you is all I wanted to do at the time because it made my life a lot easier! I wanted you to feel as much pain as possible, even if it meant going after the ones closest to you and exposing your long life secrets to them! I need...