Mak

Wondering What Heaven's Like For You Without Me There I never really open up about the people I’ve lost in my life, but seeing the memories play back of you reminded me of how much you really meant to me, even though we’d go head-to-head on certain things that never made much sense at the time! I wish I could have been more open about what I felt and more honest about what went on behind closed doors in my life, but I chose to hide it all away so you wouldn’t get angry or feel the same pain I did while going through it! I wanted you to think I was fine and well, but deep down inside, I was going through hell and back trying to keep a smile on my face, knowing if I didn’t have one, then you’d go through hell and back finding out what caused the sadness that I held in my eyes.  I know I keep most of the battles I go through out of sight, but the pain still makes its presence in the eyes of those that are closest to me, and sometimes it gets to a point where me being alive just makes ...

Stuck in Time Thinking About What We Had I know how this might go down because I’ve seen it all before, and that’s my reasoning for not taking a chance on you. The streets know my name and the lights hold the flame of no return so why do I have to keep traveling down this road thinking that at the end of the road I’ll be able to call you mine when in reality somewhere down the road I’ll stop and ask myself if you’re really worth the time and effort only to back out and tell myself you’re not her. It’s nothing really against you or the things you did. I can’t get over my first love, and I know I should be capable of letting go of something so traumatizing to my life and well-being, but I let it linger and come to terms with the love I give and hold will only ever be good enough for her and only her. I can’t defend my needs or wants when it comes to the things I do and say without coming out as an ass, and that’s why I choose to stay in the dark and avoid the chaos that people desperatel...

I Don't Want to Live a Life Where You're Not Next to Me Hey, sorry for the late responses to everything that’s going on with me and my doings, but I’ve been thinking of you and everything you’ve ever done and made me feel, and it’s come to my conclusion that living a life without you is a lot harder than I ever expected it to be! I know I went down the wrong road to figure things out, but while I was on that road, you were the only thing that kept me from losing myself! I know what I did was wrong, and I take full responsibility for my actions. I just don’t want to lose you in the process of me finding my way! I know my doings are usually unpredictable and chaotic but my feelings for you are real and true, and I wanna deny them and forget I ever let you see a side me that no one ever sees but somewhere down the line of me being with you it made me realize that you’re mine and I’m having a really hard time of letting you go!  I know these things rarely ever happen to me, but los...

Just Get Another Boyfriend Not trying to be all up in your business, but why come to me complaining to me about this, that, and the third but not take any action on the situation?! Like girl, get the fuck up out my face and go boss up on them boys and show 'em what they’re missing!! Fuck you got me in this mess for knowing I don’t like his ass? Shit just shit on him and find something better and hotter cause why the fuck are you acting like you need my input on the situation?! You’ve been through this once before, and yet I’m somehow always in the mix?! Why?! Just get another boyfriend and move on! I’m not gonna hold your hand and tell you who you should and shouldn’t date, that's not my job! My job is to just make sure you’re safe and well! Fuck everything else you do! Just do what you think is best and live a little! Shit, if you wanna hoe then hoe. If you wanna settle, then settle, just don’t die while doing it, ya know! Let’s talk about all the shit he’s done to become your...

Looking Back on the Things I've Done If I could choose anyone to talk and write about, I'd choose you every time, and there's nothing you could ever do or say to make me change my mind. You're the only one who keeps me motivated and at peace with my inner thoughts when the words don't come out the way they should. I have a hard time explaining my reasons for everything I do and say, but when I look your way, it all makes sense somehow. It's like all the answers that I need you hold in your hands, and all I gotta do is find a way to get close to you so I can stop asking all these questions about the things that don't make sense. But the problem with me getting close to you is the fear of hurting you, letting you down, and breaking your heart somewhere down the line. I know that doesn't sound like something I'd ever do to you, but it's the only thing that's holding me back from being with you, knowing the chemistry we have is like no other. So ...

Traveling Back Down Memory Lane Am I wrong for thinking bout how you were everything I needed back then, only to find myself searching for you in the dark with a tank top and a flashlight, hoping that when I find you, we can start back where we left off, knowing the things we have no longer serve us any purpose. I've been looking for you all this time, only to find myself one step closer to you, only to find out it was all a dream when my alarm goes off. I choose to ignore all the signs, hoping that one day my search will end when it comes to you. I keep dreaming about all the things you said and did. I have so much left to say to you, but you keep slipping further away that it's hard to get it out all at once. I keep asking myself where I went wrong, to you disappearing from the light I shine, only to find out there's no going back on the things we said and did to one another. So I guess I'm doing all of this because it's my bad karma for letting you go way too soo...

No Longer Doing This Shit Not sure where I ended up going wrong, but every road I take now leads to dead ends, and I can't help but feel trapped every time I get behind the wheel. I wish you were here next to me, telling me it's going to be alright, and for me to just breathe, but how can I breathe when you're no longer here? It's like everything I've ever known has faded into the void of no return, and no matter how much I try to keep myself together, every tear I've ever held back starts flooding the city streets with your name written on each drop that comes down my face. I wish I could turn invisible every time I think of you, so others can't see the pain I let out when it comes to you. I wish I could hit rewind sometimes just to see your face again and knowing that what we had was real and true, but now it feels like it was just a lie, and I can't help but hate myself for the shit that happened between us two, knowing it didn't have to end the w...

It's Done Part 1: Not sure where it all went wrong between you and I but it's whatever. I'm no longer in the mood to care or worry about your doings. I was taking a step back in trying to figure out if pursuing you was a good idea, but it looks like you already made that decision for me, and it's a clear sign of a no. So my apologies if I start acting like how you are with me right now. There's no need for the phone calls and texts due to the fact that the only person I wanted to talk to was you, but since you're no longer on my mind, I see no use in having a phone anymore. Maybe I'm somewhat heartbroken by the thought of all of this, but it's too late to go back and fix it when the damage is already done. I wish you the best from here on out, but don't come back looking for me when your healing phase is done. I'm no longer someone you need or wanted to talk to, so please remember that when you go out searching for me. My existence in your life i...

Ended Up on the Wrong Path I was well aware of where the road you told me to avoid had lead but somewhere down the line, I wanted to go out of my way and see if what you were saying was true or not! There was nothing really left for me to lose other than my sight and beating heart! It never occurred to me that me taking that road would lead me into a situation of illegal doings and substance abuse! I thought if I had kept quiet and avoided others, nothing would have seemed out of place or broken within me, but I was wrong! Everybody around me could see all the broken pieces to me and the fake persona I tried to upkeep so they wouldn’t ask questions!  It’s almost as if the person everyone once knew died, and the one they see now is someone they’ve only seen in a dream, and I can’t help but look at them as if I’ve never seen them before! It’s crazy how they think they know me and what I’m about, but how is that so when I don’t even know who I am? I'm still trying to figure out this t...

I Don't Wanna Say Goodbye... I know me texting you just now was probably a bit confusing after everything that's happened between us two, but why does me saying goodbye gotta hurt so bad? I thought I was done hurting myself, but somehow, when it comes to you, that's all I ever feel like is being done to me. I thought I could handle the distance from you, but watching you slowly fade away is breaking my heart into pieces once again. I wish I didn't have to watch you walk out the door, but somehow you do it all too well to the point where I go running after you, hoping that I'll have something to say that'll make you stay. I just know that being apart from you isn't how I want to live my life. I don't wanna keep running from the pain when all you've ever done is heal the broken parts of me. So why would I bother letting all that fade away over a stupid thought I had? I wish I could have told you the thought I had, but then again, what good would that d...

How Does it Feel to Be a Bad Friend? I thought I'd stay clear from talking about you and the things you did, but recently you've been doing some shady shit, and I've been hearing all about it, and honestly, I'm no longer a fan of yours, so here's the deal. You can pack your shit and forget about ever reaching out to me. You lied about this and that, only to smile through it all, thinking what you did was fine. You had it all, only to lose it all in one night. I thought I could trust you, but turns out you were just like the others, and it's whatever at this point. I knew sooner or later you'd fuck up somewhere down the line, and it looks like that line was crossed not too long ago. So go ahead and pack your shit and go find someone else to take you in. I defended you and had your back, only to find out you never did the same for me. I guess you can say we really did have different things on our minds, and it came out to be true, which kind of sucks, honestly...

Never Meant to Let You In! Seasons change, but my feelings for you still remain. So tell me why we keep going back and forth with this thing called love when it's killing every part of us that makes us who we are. You and I keep going back and forth on this and that, but then we don't talk over the smallest change and shift in tone, and then we wonder what could have caused the change when it was really nothing in particular. It's just two dumb egos thinking that they're better than one another, which is crazy because I never saw you as my compitiontion so please explain why everything I do or say, you gotta go out of your way and outdo me in some sort of way. I never understood that shit about you, I feel like if you wanted to compete the whole time, then we could have just stayed friends and let the egos go head to head whenever, but you wanted to pursue a relationship knowing damn well I steer clear from those. So why go through all that trouble and drama just to tel...

You're Better Off Far Away You might hate me for telling you this, but if there was another way to go about it, I would have taken that route. But right now it's just better if I forget all about you and go about my business. I hate to see you go, but my heart and mind aren't enough to save me from the tears I let out towards you, so please understand that this is how it has to be. There were times when I lost my identity and ended up breaking every piece of my heart to find the truth you lie in, but there was nothing there to find. I gave it my all to be there for you even when the miles were hundreds apart. It just sucks how everything came crashing down on me, thinking that you cared for me, but turns out I never knew you for you, and that's my fault. I suppose I should have taken a step back and analyzed my actions and feelings to understand that we no longer shared the same feelings as we did when we first met. I acted as if we did, and it's my mistake for not ...