Mak ￴￴Tulegenovich

Just Wanna Run Away Same old pain, same old people! Tired of the lies making me wish I didn’t have to play these stupid games with them! Trying to act as if it’s all sweet and nice when I don’t see the point of them being in my life! I just wanted to live a life so free that I don’t have to explain how I feel every time I’m out and about doing my own thing! Tired of people being in my way and thinking they can stay next to me as if I need them! Please just go away and let me run off into the void where I belong! This fucking chemistry that you think you’ll have with me will never see the light of day! I'm not sure if I even wanna bother with my own existence anymore! It’s almost as if my life is no longer mine to have! Everyone seems to have their place in my life, but I don’t know where my place is anymore in theirs! It all just feels like one big lie, trying to convince myself that they’re my friends and family, but overall it feels like they’re just killing me slowly as time goe...

It's Time to Let it Go Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe I'm just so used to getting hurt that I felt like pushing myself clear from you was the only way. I guess only time will tell, and we can just go from there. I don't really care to see the point of checking my phone once or twice when there's nothing coming in. I joke aside as if it's how it's supposed to be, but when it comes to you, I feel like there should have been a chance where I could've been on your mind. But instead, it's just a blank space, and I'm cool with that. Fewer feelings and fewer things to deal with. I don't really know what I wanted when it came to you, so I kept it cool and played my part. But at the same time, I couldn't help but think about all the what-ifs, only to drop the act and thought of ever being with you. I saw you walking by, thinking we could laugh about it all, but instead, I just put my head down and turned the corner, hoping you didn't notice me. I d...

Midnight Drive Deep in thought, trying to figure out where to go, only to think of you making me wonder what you're up to, hoping you're safe and well, only to call your line asking how you are. We get to talking, only for me to show up at your house a few hours later, thinking nothing of it. You get in the car, asking if you can drive, only for me to say sure, and you take off, making me wonder if you're ever coming back lol. 2 minutes go by, and you're pulling back into the drive, asking if I'm coming, and I say sure, where to. You reply back with nowhere, but it'll be fun, trust me. So I look down the street with an empty gaze and hop in, knowing we might not make it back alive. I let you drive as I sat back and listened to the gears shift, looking out the window, asking myself if I'll ever be good enough for someone. I look back your way, seeing a smile on your face, making me realize that I already was. I didn't second-guess my judgments when it cam...

Hey Kid, It's Going to Be Okay... You might not know anything about me and who I am, but I know who you are and what you've been through and all the tears you cried behind the closed doors, hoping nobody would hear you. You lie to yourself about the pain not being there or it not hurting you as bad as you think it is, but the truth is, it's killing you from within, thinking that ignoring it is the safer option. I see the things you do to make sure those around you are safe and well, only to come back home and find yourself on the floor asking why it had to be you and not the other way around. You lay there for hours thinking of all the ways to end it, but instead you fall asleep for 5-8 hours, hoping the thoughts and pain go away. You're stronger than you'll ever know, and I know, and I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you for keeping yourself alive for this long. You keep pushing and overcoming the shitty obstacles as you did when you were first born, ...

Never Fully Recovered Now we both know why you can’t stop seeing me, yet you act as if you do! You go around and come back as if you did nothing wrong, only to find yourself crying out loud as if I’ve got something to say or do when, in reality, there’s nothing I can do! You’re no longer a priority of mine, yet you act as if you are! I wish you’d get a grip and understand that there’s nothing between the two of us, nor will there ever be! You already killed me, and now you’re asking for forgiveness- knowing I have nothing left to say is beyond me! So please stop coming back and acting as if things are good! I only told you that so you’d stop overthinking shit with me! It was never an actual guarantee about us being good! I just needed you out of the way so I could focus on myself and the things that needed to be done! You got your way, now let me get my way! I don’t care to ask for much, but what I do ask for, I’m going to need you to respect it and move out of the way when it’s asked!...

Your Love You got it all, yet you shy away from those around you, making yourself feel insecure about what you do and have! Those other guys try to get to know you, but you push them out and run the other way, asking why they even came to you! You wonder if they know you’re damaged or if it was just a game! But the truth is, not everyone sees you as you see yourself! So do yourself a favor and give the guy that coming up to you a chase and see where it goes! Maybe he’s the one for you, and you can finally put your fears behind you! You know how this shit goes, but you come back anyway asking what you should do when the answers are already written out for you! You just gotta take a chance and believe that it’ll all work out in the end! You’re no longer where you were a few years ago, so live a little and go and find a love so pure and true that your heart starts beating to a rhythm only you can hear! I want the best for you, but you act as if the best for you will do you wrong, a...

Don't Even Trip Gang Nah, it's cool lol... It's just part of life. You win some, you lose some; the only difference is you gotta know when to pick yourself up and walk away, otherwise the pain will consume your entire body and you'll be stuck wondering how it came to that/this. I'm not pointing fingers or blaming anyone for anything. I just simply pack my shit, erase the thought of you, and move on. There's no need to talk about it, the match was already lit. You're trying to talk to me about it, which is just adding more gasoline to the fire. It's never going to go out. So can you just respect the fact that I walked away before we both got burned and leave it at that, or are you purposely trying to set a flame to something so unserious? It's giving impulsive stupidity if you ask me. Just leave shit where it is and move the fuck along. If it follows, then see if it means anything to you, and if not, just burn it then. But 'til then, just keep wal...

It's Cool, I'm Off Ya! Honestly, how can I even feel upset or sad when I knew this would happen sooner or later? It's so crazy how I can already predict what's going to happen, and yet I still continue to go along with it as if it's nothing to worry about lmaoooooo!!!! But nah, it's really whatever; long-distance shit really ain't for me. I tried it, and yeah, it's never going to work for me. You do you while I did me and that's that. There's really nothing to explain, but damn, it lasted longer than I expected it to, honestly.  Feels like 26 days is a new record compared to my usual 3-5 day trial periods with people. But I guess you had something to prove, only to finally realize it was never something you wanted or were looking for, so you bounced. Which is totally valid because I'd do it the same way. I guess winning the game in the long run is to just outsmart the master in his own doings, which you seem to have already got it figured out...

Why Do I Love You I know I shouldn't have to ask myself these stupid little questions every few days. But still, I can't help but do it because I feel as if there's a part of me that's untrue, and no matter what I do, I feel like I'll never be good enough for you, but at the same time, you lean in and tell me that I'm doing everything that's supposed to be done when it comes to you. So why do I feel sad when the thought of you crosses my mind, as if I'm still not enough? I know there's no real answer as to what I'm asking myself, so I look your way to try and find it in your eyes, only to smile in the process of it, thinking that you're all I need, but I can't come to terms with it because I'm scared of losing you. So I take precautions when approaching you, hoping I don't make a fool out of myself. I wish I could tell you that I love you, but I know where I stand with my heart and mind, and they'll never let it get to that, s...

Is It Too Late to Tell You How I Truly Feel? I never thought I'd find myself looking in the mirror, trying to figure out who I am and if this is what I want or if it's just a dream where my mind plays tricks on me, making me feel like I can do no wrong when it comes to you. I remember every word you spoke without a single fear. I never cared to run away or pull away; you'd end up getting close or call me out by name. As I sit there laughing to myself, thinking of how this is happening when the rest of them only made me feel like I never mattered. I wish I knew what this all meant, but instead I'm stuck with the flow of it, seeing it for what it is, praying to the gods above that it doesn't end. I understand you like me to where things don't have to be forced or questioned, but at the same time, I keep thinking back to the start of it all, thinking to myself, this isn't going to work, only for you to tell me that you could be mine if I chose to let it happen....

I'm Still Here Waiting for Your Call I know there’s not much going on between the two of us right now, other than the part where I’m missing you, hoping I’ll find my way back to you! I get this feeling where I wanna be next to you, but at the same time, hearing your beating heart makes me feel like a piece of you is still with me! I can’t deny the things I feel for you when everything else has been left unread, making me wonder if the feelings were ever done or if they’re just dormant waiting for the right time to appear!  Every goodbye we ever told led us back to one another, only to look down at the screen, seeing the three dots waiting to disappear! I wish holding on didn’t have to hurt this damn bad, but at the same time, the pain is all I’ve got left to lean on, knowing one day you’ll come around asking how I’ve been! I wish I could go back to calling you, but I guess my pride got in the way, and now we no longer see eye to eye, making me wanna go back to the days when we did!...

Does the Thought of Me Weigh You Down?! Even though the moment is gone, the pain still lingers, making me ask why you had to leave me all alone without saying goodbye. It’s almost as if the chapter of us went unwritten, making me find another way to finish it all on my own, not seeing things for what they truly are! I wish I had the answers to your doing, but I’m left in confusion while the silence takes over, making me lose sight of what’s to come! It’s like the voices are coming from within the walls only to break them all apart and come out empty-handed! So tell me why these tears are drowning me from within as your words cut deep like a knife to the heart, causing me to lose all hope of ever finding the truth!  You left without saying goodbye, making me feel as if I was never enough! I’m left wearing the pain, asking myself why! Had me deep in thought trying to figure you out only to get lost in the stars, thinking to myself I’m better off deep underground. Trying to figure out...

Drowning in the Tears I Chose to Hide You left me all alone like I had nothing left to offer. Making me wonder what the reasoning for your absence was! I learned to sleep without your beating heart next to me, making me think it was all my fault when all I wanted was to love you! Had me putting all the blame on myself, thinking it was for the best! I cried out all my tears, wishing you’d come back, only to drown myself in the sorrow. I tried to run and hide from the pain, but all it did was break me in two every time I stepped out the door, making me feel trapped with no way out! I searched for you online, hoping I’d find the answers as to why the pain was consuming every inch of me! But instead, it came out with zero search results, so I pushed away the laptop and went back to bed, hoping I’d find you in my dreams! But all I saw was just an empty void of no return of what we had! I felt as if there was nothing more that I could have done to get us back to where we once were, so I sat ...