Mak

I Used to Think About You I can tell this is the last chapter of you and me because the thought of you no longer lingers around, making me wonder about your doings and how you're doing. I know I should be keeping all the things I used to think about when it comes to you to myself, but what's the point when, after tonight, your existence will no longer be part of my daily life or doings. You said you'd always be there for me, but the only times you ever cared to show up was when I was talking to someone new, making sure they weren't treating me in a way you didn't like, and I appreciated that, but it's time to just let me be free and let me do what I need to feel happy and free.  I've been feeling trapped these few months, wondering if I'll ever escape the life we had with each other but it's come to my attention that the life we had was never fully mine to have, so I let go of all things I knew with you and let myself drown in the deep end, hoping fo...

Breaking All the Rules Just to Be with You When the lights go out and the music starts, do you come alive, or do you get taken back to all the times you had to fight to stay alive, knowing there was no one coming to save you?! You wander off onto the city streets late at night, searching for a soul to keep you company, only to find yourself trapped in your own thoughts, having you lose sight of what’s really going on! Blaming yourself when it should have been those that did the damage, but you don’t care to pay them any mind and think it’s best to keep going without the confrontation, but the pain gets to you so you go out searching for the cause of why it had to happen, only to realize they never really cared about you that’s why they hurt you in the process! The pain in your eyes was deeper than you let on, so you came running my way knowing I’d be the only one to fully understand because you know I’ve been where you are now, and it hurts watching you be in the same position as I was...

Needed Some Time We both know I can’t hide these feelings that I have for you, and this distance isn’t making it any better, so tell me what it’s gonna be. We got off to a great start, but the thought of losing you breaks me into two, making me wonder what’s next to come and if the pain that comes with it is worth my time. I know the pain will fuck me up eventually, but if there’s no pain then there’s no gain, according to those around me, but why's it always gotta be pain that makes us grow and learn?! Why can’t it just be a mutual respect for one another and calling it for what it is?! They got me pressed against the wall with no way out, only for me to look out into the distance; seeing tears come falling from your eyes makes me lose all sense of hope, knowing this isn’t how I wanted things to go! So tell me why it had to come to all of this?! Was the love we had not strong enough, or were the voices in our heads sabotaging the love we had for one another just so things didn’t s...

I'm Not a Busybody, So Please Don't Touch My Body! The fact that you think you can come my way, thinking you'll have full access to me when I barely even have access to my own doings, is insane. You claim to have been watching me, which is a crazy thing to say when I've never even seen you before. So what the fuck do you even mean by that, because I stay out of the way and out of sight. So please don't tell me you've been stalking me, thinking this was the best you got for trying to get to know me when I only let the ones I have an interest in, and not the ones who seek interest in me. So please get to the point of what you want, and I can go back to acting as if we've never met before. This whole night is such a waste of time that I'm already planning my exit plan. So please save the tears and small talk for someone who actually cares. You claimed to have been watching me, knowing I don't care for others' attention, so whatever you planned to ge...

Can We Go Ahead & Kiss I've been having you on my mind, making me wonder if these thoughts about you and me are wrong, or if it's cool to have? You keep talking to me as if we've been at it for years when it's only been a few days, making me think you and I could be the endgame, only to pull back, making me ask what this even is. I keep telling myself it's fine and chill, only to not feel so fine and chill about it sometimes. You get me in a zone I can't escape, making me feel as if this is what I've been needing these past few weeks. I wanna keep it going, but I know you have things to do and so do I, so I'll just call you later hoping that you'll pick up and we can talk about the things we never got to say over text. Yeah, our past may be fucked, but the future looks bright and fun, so let's just chill for a bit and take it slow and see how well we do. You got me fiening for you like a drug I can't get enough of, making me lose all sens...

Finding Our Way Back You may not know me, and I may not know you, but you come my way anyway, making me feel all shy and insecure about everything I’ve ever done and said. I wanna believe in all the things you say, but part of me feels like it’s all just a game, so I tend to move with caution and not let my feelings get in the way when all I’m really wanting is for someone to treat me right, and I can do the same for them day and night. So please forgive me if I come off as scared and shy when I know these feelings are what’s best for me to make sure I don’t end up hurting myself or you in the process of it all! I’m not asking for much unless the time alone I crave is in the way; then my apologies! I never meant to let the feelings wander off and have them find you when I was fine with just the way things were before you stepped into the room. Never meant to make you feel like you were in the way or didn’t have a chance with me! It’s just sometimes I never know if it’s for show or if i...

Was the Love Ever Real? You reached out once again, only for me to feel a sense of uneasiness, trying to figure out what it was you were doing and needed, only to find out you were just bored and needed something to do, knowing there's nothing really left for me to say to you. I know I'm the root cause of your trauma, so for you to keep coming back as if I'm not makes me spiral out, making me fall as if the wings I have were no longer there. I kept my distance and cool for the time being, but looking at your name makes me wanna cry, knowing all the things that happened between us two as if it was something to steer clear of, making me see all the wrongs there were within myself, making me feel so small as if nothing I do would ever measure up to anyone that comes my way. So I asked myself if this was really worth my time after all the times I ran from the truth, knowing I'll never fully face it head-on. I wish I could explain to you why I am the way that I am, but that ...

Were You Even Real? It feels like the walls are closing in on me with every turn I take, trying to erase the thought of ever knowing you. I keep trying to forgive you for the things you put me through, but somehow I'm trapped between the lines of right and wrong, preventing me from truly being free. I keep finding myself running back to you only to see you with someone new, making me fall to my knees, crying like I have nothing left to lose. I look out in the distance as you're sitting next to them, making me ask why it ever even had to happen. I'm stuck between the lines of letting go and watching it play out. I keep thinking to myself it should be me next to you, but then again, I had you next to me only to realize I'd hurt you down the line, so no, I'm not sure if having that thought is really even worth having. Because how can I tell someone I love them, then go out of my way and hurt them down the line? I couldn't live with myself knowing I lied to them lik...

Why Are We Still Apart? Does the distance between us two make you feel any type of way, or are you okay with it? I know it's been a while since I've seen your face, but is the space and time making you feel any differently towards me, or are you content with the distance between us two? Does the thought of me ever cross your mind? Do the memories ever hit you like a wave, knocking you down? Does the smile on your face ever show when you think of me, or does it just fade away? I just gotta know what it is you do when it comes to me. I just wanted to hold you tight and treat you right, but instead I was way too shy and pulled away, protecting myself from ever hurting you. I know it wasn't the right move, and I should have just taken it slow instead of running away because the thought of hurting you at any given time scared me more than anything. So please let me know if I was to ever treat you right, would your smile reappear, or would you remain null to all my doings?  I kno...

If You Really Wanna Know... You probably don't think of me or feel anything towards me, and I don't expect you to, but here's my truth when it comes to you. I might seem like I've got it all figured out, but the truth is, when it comes to you, it's like trying to solve a puzzle with no right pieces. I keep looking your way, hoping I'll find the answers, but instead I'm just led to more questions in the end, and I know I'm just overthinking the thought of you and me as one, but what if these things I feel are real, making me think holding on is worth the wait. I miss the long nights hearing your laugh. I miss the look you'd give when you're doing something as simple as cooking some food or getting ready for a shower, making me think you need me next to you. The simple pleasures in everything you do and were to me is what I miss the most. I wish you were by my side, but at the same time I don't wanna bother you anymore. I know I'll never ha...

The Truth Is... I Love You I know I haven't really been up to socializing or reaching out, but in my defense, it's because I've been scared of all these feelings that I've been having. I know the things I feel come and go, but they hit heavy like a wave knocking me down, preventing me from getting up, so I just drown in the thought of you. I ask myself what it all means, and if I should pursue you, only to come to terms with that you and I will never work, so I go sink back into the deep end, hoping I'll find something better there. I lose my mind thinking about all the ways you make me feel, knowing I don't feel much when it comes to others, but when it comes to you, I feel everything there is, and I wish I could let you know without you asking me why, and if I could stop. I hide away the things I feel towards you because the thought of losing you hurts me more than anything, so I sit by your side looking out into the sunset, wondering if this will ever last or...

Does It Ever Bother You? Hey, I'm not sure if we'll ever go back to seeing one another, but I just gotta know if it ever bothers you when you think of me, or if I'm just stupid for having the thought of us still being friends again. I know I did some stupid shit in my past. I'm learning to heal from all the trauma and keep my distance from everyone I love and care about so I don't end up hurting them. But when you come along, I do the exact opposite of trying to keep my distance because the distance only makes me want you more, and I know that we'll never cross that line due to everything that's happened. But at some point the feelings overtake my thoughts, and I'm stuck finding myself outside your house, hoping we could talk, only to turn around and walk the other way, leaving my car parked outside your house, making you wonder where I went. I know the thoughts I have of you and I are nothing more than just thoughts, but sometimes I let out the tears th...

Trapped in Time, Thinking About You I wish I never had thought of you but I did and now the thoughts wont go away making me feel trapped in time asking how I even got in this mess. I thought if I had just deleted the apps and account then things would go back to normal but instead I'm stuck seeing your name written on the walls making me look away asking if you're the one for me for real or it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I haven't felt like this in a while and now that it's happening I feel like everything no longer matters and the things I feel are no longer valid so I go numb and mentally drain every thought of you out of my head hoping I'll snap out of it. But instead I'm on the floor crying my eyes out not knowing the outcome that it'll have on me. I tried so hard to avoid the whole thought of you but seeing you once again brought out all the feelings I once knew making me think back to what we once had knowing I want that with you again so ...