Blog Post 41

 I was cool already way before you met me. So please don’t come up talking like I needed you from the start because that has never been the case. I got enough problems with people and you coming into my life and walking out like it's no big deal is a problem. Thinking I’m gonna chase after you like a dog and beg for mercy when you should already know I don’t do that chasing game. Once you walk out of my life you might as well lock the door and lose the key because that door will never be opened up for someone like you ever again.

Tired of playing games. That shit ain't what I’m made for. I’m only here to be either your blessing or a lesson. There’s no in between, either you accept me for me or move on to the next. That kind of shit is so simple I bet you a kindergartner would understand. But hey unless you’ve never been around someone like me then you better catch on quick. I will literally have your head turning full circles if I told you all the shit I’ve been through and if you don’t believe me just ask me about my past history.

Tired of having to pretend like I didn't have a rough past in middle school. Tired of pretending I don’t smoke weed just to ease off the pain that I have. I’m tired of lying that I haven't been out and drinking with friends even though I’m highly allergic to alcohol. Shit like that is what I hide from most of the people I know and from my family. But now that it’s out I really don’t care anymore.

People always wanted to know the real me. Well, this is the real me. I’m not some hopeless little boy from Kazakhstan who always got abused every day by someone else anymore. I’m now abusing my own self and I have nobody to blame but myself. I’m not looking for any kind of attention or crying out for help. I know what I’m doing isn’t right but who really cares nowadays. People nowadays just put themselves in front of anybody in need. Which is fine because I don’t really need to seek help. People just assume I need help and they give it to me. Which in my opinion is very strange.

But anyway I just let people do their thing and not get involved in their lives and their life doings anymore. I’m not trying to get attached to someone who knows nothing about me or someone who tries to act like they know everything about when I’ve only just met them in person for the first time. That shit is kind of stupid in my opinion.