Blog Post 45

It’s currently 1:42 am and the only thing that I wanna do is to just say sorry to this one person I used to go to middle school with because I know the way I treated them was so wrong and stupid of me. I’m still amazed that they didn’t punch me or do something that involved me getting a black or eye or something similar to pain because I should have known better not to do the things I did to them.

I wish I could stop all these thoughts that I have towards them and I just wanna apologize for everything that I did to cause them pain. Because I’m sick and tired of living this life knowing I was fucking with the right person at the wrong time and that’s so unfair to them. I should of just let them be them and not said a word to them and I definitely should have wasted my time on getting to know them.

I hate getting to know people the way I got to know this person because I always end up hurting them or worse having to fight with them at the most irrelevant times. That’s why I don’t show any kind of emotion or feelings towards someone cause I’m not about to fuck up someone else's life and live mine as if I didn’t do anything wrong when I know for a fact I really fucked up someone else’s life again and I’m just tired of doing that shit.

I like distancing myself from others so things like that don’t happen. But people can’t seem to get the fact that if they get too close to me they will end up getting hurt and I can’t do anything about that. I already told you I’m not the type to show that loving feeling unless I want to have something with you and the only person I wanna have that connection with is the one I fucked things up with. So do me a favor and lay off having feelings for me because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to have feelings for anyone but this one particular person I went to middle school with.

I know this seems hella crazy but I can’t help the fact that I fell in love with someone that I see doing everything with and knowing I fucked that up is really stupid on my part. But at least I learned from my mistakes and now that four years have gone by I’m ready to retry things with this person no matter the consequences.

I just want this person to know that I’m on their side and always have been since the day I walked into their class and sat next to them and started to get to know them a little bit better before I ended up having feelings for them the next day.