Blog Post 56

Yes, I have depression. It comes and goes like anything else. Sometimes it's a hard-hitting and other times it's just me not feeling like I can do anything. I had a moment today in school where I skipped class and went to the new building and just sat on top of the staircase and just listened to music to calm me down and not do anything harmful to myself. I snapped a few friends of mine and told them what was going on and this teacher comes out and starts asking me questions and shit like we were friends and shit. I told her that I'm just depressed and want to go home and she says and I quote "You can't be out here you need to go to class." Um, thanks for the help?

How can I go to class if that's what makes me depressed and have me go in a state of mind where I want to kill myself? Like bitch thinks outside the school for once and understand that school is the leading cause of my depression. Math is the main thing that causes it and the worst thing about it is that I have math in the morning and I just feel like nothing throughout the whole day all because I can't-do algebra and shit. The teachers say I can do math all because I'm Asian and that's discrimination to me.

I was abused with alcohol when I was in the fetus all because my dumb ass birth mother drank and people who drink while pregnant their children end up like me with PTSD, ADHD and have to deal with anxiety and depression or worse. So next time a teacher tells me I can do the math I'm going to tell them to go to hell cause they don't know what I've been through. Part of my brain can't-do algebra so yeah that's why when I leave math class I'm all pissed off because they make me do something I will never understand.

People assume that depression is just an act where I come from when in reality depression is fucking everywhere. People can't help but do so much to deal with depression. I cope with my depression by either sleeping or driving. I can't deal with people thinking that they know everything about me and my symptoms because I don't even understand what I'm going through. So how can I explain how I feel to others when I don't know?!

People say I'm going to be living a good life and see me doing great things or whatever but me all I see is debt and loans that will never get paid and that'll really put me over the edge. So yeah that's why I don't really pay any attention to people who tell me all that bullshit. I just wanna focus on dealing with my symptoms before I do anything relating to the outside world. I don't wanna be the type to hate everyone I come in contact with like I do now. I wanna change for once but people say I can't and if I do they'll never understand the real me and all this other shit that just pisses me off.

How am I supposed to live my life if I can't be who I am? Shit if that's how the world and society think of others and saying that they can't be themselves then what's the point of living in this world then?! People get bullied for not having the right clothing or stuff and that's so cruel and rude and hurtful. People go around just pushing others down and not even giving a fuck about it and nobody ever asked that person if they're okay and helps them up instead they just walk past them as if they didn't see what just happened.

People are dealing with family and home issues and people take advantage of that and make them feel useless and all for what? So you can look like a tougher person or something? You look like an ignorant dumb ass when you do things like that. People around the world think that bullying isn't a problem and it's a really big problem. People who get bullied cut themselves and get scars on their body for the stress relief because they don't know how to deal with it any other way. Others go to other things like drugs and alcohol and some just see the easy way out such as suicide.

Nobody should go through a pain that makes them want to kill themselves. That's not something that you can laugh about that's some serious shit. Just for once stop and think about something before you decide to do something rude, hurtful or stupid.

You need to just worry about you and not what others are wearing or how they're acting because I'm sure they have a good reason but they just don't want to talk about it. So can people just lay off of those that are having troubles in life and just be friends with them instead? How hard is it to introduce yourself and start hanging out with them? Not that hard. Shit.