Blog Post 57

So yesterday I believe it was that I was having a bad day cause of personal problems and other shit that was going on with me while I was at school. But yeah that's besides that point right now. So let me just get on with this shit! I’m walking down the hall with all the other people at my school and this kid was like pushing me and it felt like he was dry humping the fuck out of me or something similar to that and I turned around and yelled out “Yo Chill The Fuck Out” and his ass had run to the other side of the hall in a matter of seconds and I didn't really care at the point who he was or what his condition was or what his fucking deal was. All I knew was I was going to throw his ass to the window and just start punching the living shit out of him. But I didn’t I just kept walking to my next class and I could tell the principles and the school resource officers were aware of me yelling in the hall cause nobody else is dumb enough to scream out the “F” word out in the hallway right in front of them.

So I just continued to walk to my next class which was History or World History or some class dealing with history. I can't remember exactly which one it is. All I know is that it’s a history class. So yeah. I go in there asked the teacher if I could go see my case manager and he said yes. So I went down there and I knocked on the door and walked towards him and I was explaining to him what had just happened and my heart was beating faster and my words were getting twisted and my body was shaking because I basically felt as if I was going to just hurt the kid or worse kill him. So yeah. I went into his office we talked for a while and he just told me that he was glad I didn’t throw him against the glass and start hitting him and I responded with thanks but I honestly don’t care what my action are right now.

A few minutes went by. I sat in his class and just waited to calm down and then I went back to class and just took a nap for last 60 minutes of class. So yeah. I basically don’t have any control over my body or process of thinking when I’m in that state of mind. So the best thing to do is just stay the fuck away from me. I’m not ever the type to show weakness or apologize once I hurt someone. I usually just go along with it as if it was meant to be and nothing else could have been done to stop it.  But this is only the second time I felt like this. The last time I felt like this was back in 8th grade I believe when some kid said something about someone I really cared for and loved. To me, I felt like they got what they deserved basically and that was me choke slamming their body onto the floor and basically just choking them until they no longer could breathe. I didn't see a problem with that at all. He ended up going to the hospital and I ended up getting a vacation from school. So no regrets there.