Blog Post 94
People want to ask me so much about my past and all this other stuff relating to it and I’m just trying to ignore them as if they never asked me anything. Why do I do that you may ask? Well, it’s because I don’t remember anything about my past to actually talk about it. The only thing I can remember about my past really is me getting my tongue stuck on a pole while it was freezing cold when I still lived in the orphanage and I have the mark on my tongue to remind me of me actually doing it. So I mean it’s whatever.
I don’t know exactly what people mean by “so tell me about your past”. Like what about my past will have you amused when all I know from my past is that it was hell and abusive. Like I’m not understanding the logic behind it. Most people who have had a rough past don’t bring it / block it from their life like I do. If anything bad happens to me / bad things have already happened I automatically block it from my life and continue on with life without mentioning it to people / remember it.
Sorry for not being public with personal experiences and personal issues but it’s called “personal” for a reason meaning only I should know about it and no one else. That’s why I never bring up my past to new people/people I’ve known for a while. I like to just keep it moving and not look back at things. It’s the only way for me to forget about the marks on my face and on other parts of my body considering I was physically abused and potentially sexually assaulted when I was living in the orphanage.
So for those always asking about my face marks you can stop because I just told you. I was abused back when I was a toddler up to me being adopted at age 6 1/2. It’s not something I casually just bring up in a conversation knowing that I would get strange looks/end up with no friends. So I just always never answered questions relating to my body marks and when people keep forcing me to talk about them I would simply just punch them.
Sorry, but you bringing up something that physical scarred me for life from newborn is highly offensive/upsetting to me. I’m sure you wouldn't like it if someone came up to you asked why you gay, why you this and that now would you? The same thing goes for me!
People wanna ask why I’m so distant from people and the reason for that is also from my past. I was physically abused as a child like I said so I mean me being grabbed, touched anything relating to someone physically putting hands & fingers on me I don’t take lightly. Never have and never will. So for those thinking, I’m being overdramatic I’m not.
That’s why I didn’t really do well in crowded areas, groups and especially in school. Someone always has to think they gotta put their hands on one another and me being the type that I am I will fight/get hella angry with people that don’t know what the fuck personal space is. There’s no way for me to change that it’s literally embedded inside of to be defensive if someone can’t keep their hands to themselves especially when they put them on me.
Also one more thing. People ask why I listen to music all the time and there’s actually a few reasons for that.
1. It helps with my anxiety & it keeps me calm.
2. It helps me focus on the task that needs to get done.
3. Helps me stay out of trouble
4. Helps me stay to myself / not in peoples way.
Other than those four reasons I really don’t know what else there is with me having to listen to music all the time. But if anything it actually works.
Most of the songs I listen to help me think back to a certain point in my life that either made me happy or just got me thinking about certain things that happened. But none of the songs help me get back to the pain I suffered through in the orphanage considering it was where the biggest life changes in my life had occurred and the reason why I am the way I am today.
I don’t know exactly what people mean by “so tell me about your past”. Like what about my past will have you amused when all I know from my past is that it was hell and abusive. Like I’m not understanding the logic behind it. Most people who have had a rough past don’t bring it / block it from their life like I do. If anything bad happens to me / bad things have already happened I automatically block it from my life and continue on with life without mentioning it to people / remember it.
Sorry for not being public with personal experiences and personal issues but it’s called “personal” for a reason meaning only I should know about it and no one else. That’s why I never bring up my past to new people/people I’ve known for a while. I like to just keep it moving and not look back at things. It’s the only way for me to forget about the marks on my face and on other parts of my body considering I was physically abused and potentially sexually assaulted when I was living in the orphanage.
So for those always asking about my face marks you can stop because I just told you. I was abused back when I was a toddler up to me being adopted at age 6 1/2. It’s not something I casually just bring up in a conversation knowing that I would get strange looks/end up with no friends. So I just always never answered questions relating to my body marks and when people keep forcing me to talk about them I would simply just punch them.
Sorry, but you bringing up something that physical scarred me for life from newborn is highly offensive/upsetting to me. I’m sure you wouldn't like it if someone came up to you asked why you gay, why you this and that now would you? The same thing goes for me!
People wanna ask why I’m so distant from people and the reason for that is also from my past. I was physically abused as a child like I said so I mean me being grabbed, touched anything relating to someone physically putting hands & fingers on me I don’t take lightly. Never have and never will. So for those thinking, I’m being overdramatic I’m not.
That’s why I didn’t really do well in crowded areas, groups and especially in school. Someone always has to think they gotta put their hands on one another and me being the type that I am I will fight/get hella angry with people that don’t know what the fuck personal space is. There’s no way for me to change that it’s literally embedded inside of to be defensive if someone can’t keep their hands to themselves especially when they put them on me.
Also one more thing. People ask why I listen to music all the time and there’s actually a few reasons for that.
1. It helps with my anxiety & it keeps me calm.
2. It helps me focus on the task that needs to get done.
3. Helps me stay out of trouble
4. Helps me stay to myself / not in peoples way.
Other than those four reasons I really don’t know what else there is with me having to listen to music all the time. But if anything it actually works.
Most of the songs I listen to help me think back to a certain point in my life that either made me happy or just got me thinking about certain things that happened. But none of the songs help me get back to the pain I suffered through in the orphanage considering it was where the biggest life changes in my life had occurred and the reason why I am the way I am today.