Blog Post 99
How I Live My Life
I live my life without a care in the world. I don't care to care about others or my well being. I just simply gave up on giving a fuck about a lot of stuff such as people, and life in general. I don't know why people keep having to think I'm sweet, innocent, and charming or whatever the fuck they wanna call it when in reality I'm far from all of that shit. I stopped being charming when I was like in 6th grade or some shit. So people who call me charming and shit make me sick. Cause if they really knew who I was they'd call me the devil the way I see it.
I don't go to parties, social gathers or anything that has a crowd basically. I honestly can't stand being in a crowd full of people asking me how I've been and what my future plans are. Like can I just live my life without actually thinking about those two things? Cause last time I checked I was suffering from PTSD and DEPRESSION on a fucking daily. So you asking me how I'm doing and shit is fucking irrelevant to me. It's like me asking you if you told your bitch that you were cheating on her with a dude cause you claimed you were BISEXUAL or some shit while she was standing right next to you. It's NOT something you bring up.
I will never make time for people I don't trust/care for. You can know me all you want and think I'm going to be there for you but from where I'm standing that seems like a far-fetched dream for you cause that shit will never ever happen while I'm breathing. People who think everyone should be nice to one another can go suck a bull's dick cause that some straight-up bullshit! If I don't know you I'm not going to acknowledge your existence, as a matter of fact, I'm going to ask you to move and if you're in my way and you don't I'll simply make you with a roundhouse kick to your fucking neck that I learned back in 2005 all thanks to my Master, Master Lee at Byung Lee's King Tiger TaeKwonDo.
I find it really hard to trust people and make friends cause of these few reasons.
1. I have a lot of trust issues. I don't know why but I can't stand people who are just in it for the clout or whatever the fuck. If you like me for me great maybe I'll text you or some shit asking to hang but if you're just going to be around me to make yourself feel good or whatever the fuck then you clearly don't know what you got yourself into.
People that aren't my friend or that I don't accept as a friend wanna make others that wanna try to attempt to be my friend wanna throw dirt and shade on my name. Which is cool or whatever the fuck. But I only have one problem with that and it has to do with the person that is trying to be my friend. They wanna know if what that person who is throwing dirt and shade on my name is actually telling the truth or not and when I tell them "yeah it's true" they want nothing to do with me which I find hella funny. Cause that just tells me they were clearly in it for the clout and didn't really give a fuck as to who I really am.
2. I have major trust issues cause I've had several motherfuckers take advantage of me to the point I said fuck this and made a whole new set of friends that I knew for a fact that they wouldn't dare take advantage me and if they did they wouldn't be a lil pussy ass bitch and try to cover it up and lie to me about taking advantage of me. Anyways that's why I stick to only talking to a few people and by a few, I mostly mean like 1-3 people if you want the facts. I'm not going around town trying to be friendly with everyone that's just a waste of my fucking time and besides, why would anyone want to be friends with everybody in their own town? Now unless you're selling sex then be my guest but that's not me.
I'm sorry but I honestly get sick by just thinking about being friends with even just 20 people at a time. I'm a very private person and I barely even talk to my own mother / tell her what I'm doing/where I'm at. I feel like you'd have a better chance of seeing me get hit by a car me than me actually being friendly with everyone I come in contact with... I'm just stating the facts.
I don't look back at memories no matter how good or bad they were. I just stopped carrying about my past and what I did on that particular day to make it a memory. Memories to me are irrelevant because it's not like you can do anything with it besides have it stay in your brain and just let in sit there. I like blocking out memories from my life because I don't need them and I sure as hell can't relive those moments so why not throw them away/delete them/never look back at them?!
Anyways that's all I have on this particular topic. I'm just tired of people thinking I'm putting on a show or whatever the fuck when in reality this and Blog Post 98 is me explaining the real me. I'm not trying to hide the real me. I never was really good at hiding myself because people who are close to me would have started asking me questions and I fucking hate questions!
Hopefully, you enjoyed!