Blog Post 103

Painful Memory

Let's just say I remember my past finally and for someone who hasn't remembered anything about there past for 20 Years, 5 Months and 28 Days sure has a lot to say. So sit tight and relax cause this shit is about to be long as fuck.

Why would you purposely take a young innocent child's happiness and childhood away from them and act as if it was no big deal? Do you know how sick you have to be to do that sort of thing? All this time I've been thinking it's just who I am and how my life is supposed to be a how I'm supposed to be living it. But in reality, it's not. So you got inside my head somehow and have been in it fucking shit up while everyone keeps judging me for the things I'm doing which apparently I thought were right but in reality, they aren't.

Looking back at those videos made me keep asking myself as to what went wrong? What happened to me to go from being a happy and likable kid to a mean and aggressive person? That shit just doesn't add up you know? You can't go from that type transition unless something really fucked up has happened. It's not something you see on a daily basis. So I'm finally about to explain it in a way I guess.

I once had a good and happy life. I had people who loved and cared for me. I had something I never had before and that was a family. I never had a family before and I was finally feeling like I belonged to someone/somewhere. I felt joy and happiness for the first time since I left my Country. But you couldn't accept the fact that I had a family so you destroyed me from the inside out to make me what I am today, a careless human being who only cares about himself. You forced me to take meds I never wanted to take, You forced me to go suicidal and you forced to me to never love another human being ever again. 

You made me think that nobody cared for me/loved me and that's when I started becoming antisocial and I never went to a single party because of you. I don't understand what I ever did to you for you to treat me in a way no human being should ever be treated.

I understand that the type of pain level I endure isn't normal and isn't something people will ever understand but you, on the other hand, would have known better than to test it. I have dreams about the pitch black room with the red-sheeted bed and the chains on the wall. You tied me up to the point where my wrist would bleed and that's why to this day I don't let anyone grab me by the wrist and if they do I pull away/punch them.

You scarred me in a way I can't ever explain/bring up. I had to see a specialist to see if they could bring out my past and none of them worked. You're the demon within me and even that makes me wanna kill myself cause I know I can never defeat you but someday you will learn to not fucks with me.

I hope somehow someway your ass can read this and understand the fact that I know what you did and I know who you are and I know how to get your information. So if I were you I'd stop trying to force me into being someone I'm not. You're done and this whole jig is up. 

You Can No Longer Control Me.