Blog Post 113

I'm Sorry

Being with you was fun and all but I think I was rushing into it and that's my fault. Sorry for ending it with you out of the blue. I really did have feelings for you I just suck at showing them. I told you I wasn't sure what to feel when it comes to you but just know whatever it was it was real. I really feel sorry about everything that's happened between us.

I understand I'm the bad guy for doing this but I wanted it to be simple and easy without you ending up getting hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing for the both of us but it's clear I wasn't. I felt as if I wasn't being real with myself or you and that's what I wanted to tell you but you kept saying that you had feelings for me and knowing me I had to go with it even though I knew my feelings weren't how I wanted them to be.

So maybe this was all just fake love but I really can't tell considering I really did like you but I felt like something was missing between us and I couldn't figure out what it was. Being loved by someone else to me is hard for me to process and I definitely end up hurting those who tend to show me love. So I think being loved by someone is just a curse for me no matter the gender. I don't think I'm overthinking any of this I just really think love wasn't meant to be for me.

I feel safer when I'm not around people and don't have a deep connection with someone because I tend to be a lot less depressed and live a happier life. When I'm in love I tend to fuck shit up and tend to go into a depression state of mind. I really wish I knew how to cope with all of this but I don't. But I thought by me having to unfollow you and delete your number would be the easiest way to start. So far so good. Not saying I'm happy about it but it's a start.

I want the best for you so that's why I broke things off the way I did. I know I mentioned that I feel like we didn't communicate with one another that well but hey I guess that's all solved now considering I no longer have anything to do with you. So I guess that's no longer a problem. Kind of rude I know but it's the truth.

I hope nothing but the best for you and I hope you find someone who can show you the love that you deserve considering I don't even know the definition of love it seems. All I ever knew how to do was replicate the love that you wanted/needed it seemed.