Blog Post 118

Need You

This shit just doesn't feel the same without you. I feel like we go back and forth with everything we say but I can't help but tell you everything I feel even though it gets too much to handle in a way. I get upset when I can't be myself with you even though you make it easy for me to open up to you. So I don't know if it's just me in general or just the fact that I love you too damn much that I'm not sure what to do when it comes to being with someone I love. I've always kept my distance from love and relationships because it always tends to go to shit and makes me question every move I ever made. But with you, it's a whole different story. 

Something about you feels relaxing and chill in a way. It's like everything you say and do I can't get mad at considering you never make me upset which is new to me. I've always had problems dealing with people's bullshit on a daily but with you, there isn't any and I like that. I like the fact you gave me a chance even though I thought it wouldn't have gone this far but I was wrong apparently. I didn't expect to feel everything that I feel now for someone who I've only been with once. I guess the vibe you had when I met you was so fucking amazing I got hooked and now I can't get enough it seems. It's almost as if you're my own supply of drugs. I know that sounds rude but it definitely feels like that sometimes. 

I'm not saying I need you to survive I'm just saying I really like being able to open up to someone without having to be judged. I don't know I guess every time I opened up to someone they would always question me or just think I was doing too much. I honestly don't know what the fuck it was but I'm glad I don't have that problem with you. It's cool knowing I can tell you anything and not be able to hide shit from you even though I send you proof when you ask for it. I'm not trying to get at you by saying I'm perfect or whatever the fuck. I'm just saying that I wanna be with you so I'm going to show you how much you mean to me even if it involves exposing certain situations.

I guess me always being alone I never expected myself to be with someone who understands me to an extent and doesn't ask me if everything I said/feel is a lie or truth. There's honestly nothing to hide from you considering we already know certain things about one another on a personal/closed doors kind of level. So that's not an issue for us it seems. I guess I'm just being too open with you and that's what's making you uncomfortable in a way but I'm not sure what else to do considering I'm not trying to lose you / act as if you don't exist.  When I clearly know you do exist so that'll be really hard to take in if that happens.

I guess I just have too many fucking feelings for you. So the thought of me losing you just kills me on the inside. I wanna slow things down but it's honestly hard when you're the only one I think about / text and call on a daily. So I don't know what else there is to do other than to just be with you like nothing else matters.