Blog Post 119

I Just Hate You

You made it hard for me to be in a healthy relationship and for that I will never forgive you but I will forget about you. You always told me I would find somebody else but I didn't expect this is what you meant/had in mind when you said it. Why did you have to treat me like shit for the past 5 years if you knew I'd always end up being the bad guy in every scenario? You make me not want to enjoy life and not be there for those I really care about/love. You made it extremely difficult for me to trust those around me meaning you basically fucked my life in every aspect when it comes to relationships/dating someone/being close with someone and I'm just trying to figure out why the fuck you did it.

I'm so sorry you were the one I fell in love with when we were in the 8th grade. I didn't expect any of the things that had happened between us two to actually happen. So please stop reaching out to me trying to get closure from me because if it's anyone who needs the damn closure it's me. You brought so much pain and suffering into my life that I had to go to fucking rehab just to get back on my two feet and live an actual life. I'm not being overdramatic because if I was this wouldn't have been where I would've started off from.

You make it hard for me to breathe every time you're around. I get hella depressed after seeing you somewhere. I just really hate knowing you exist. I don't understand how someone so innocent could do everything you did in just 2 months and keep it going for 5 years after not speaking to one another. You really are a monster and I honestly do think you enjoyed every bit of torture you put me through. I just don't understand out everyone we went to middle school with why you had chosen me? You never even talked to me so clearly you had a twisted mind or something in that area.

I just wish I could have you feel all the pain I felt but you'd never make it through it. The pain you made me go through every year doesn't really bother me anymore, in fact, I just learned to endure it and learn how not to get walked all over/have my time be wasted by others such as yourself. I don't argue/fight with people I care for anymore even though they want to. I just tell them the problem and let them go about it how they want. So for that, I do thank you but I'm not giving you all the credit for me being the way I am now with all my relationships. I'm just saying if it wasn't for you and the pain you put me through I would've never found the true meaning of pain and love.