Blog Post 139

Thank You For The Pain

I just want to thank you for the pain you made me feel. If it wasn't for you and the things you made me feel then it wouldn't have been real to me. I wouldn't be here blogging about everything that I was feeling/going through after you ended up pushing me away and having me walk away from it all. It kills me knowing that the pain I felt was real and I wish it wasn't but it was and it still is but it's okay because I learned to deal with it and learned how to move on from what went down knowing it was over between us two for good.

I hated the thought of us being over and not ever seeing one another but now that I'm thinking about it I think it was best for the both of us. Even though you thought otherwise which you did considering you said we could still be friends and I just wasn't having that and I'm glad I chose not to be friends with you anymore. I just feel like If I didn't end things the night that I did I wouldn't have met someone new. So maybe it was just a sign that we weren't meant to be considering you still had thoughts about your ex and even reached out to him on that same night it all went down it appears.

I just want to thank you again for the pain you made me feel. I felt like I needed to feel the pain to know that everything I felt for you was real so it was going to be hell for me to let things go but it also takes time to heal. But for me, the pain was what actually made me move on. I didn't want to feel that pain so maybe that's why I went and found someone so quickly to talk to and be next to even though the timing was way off to be fully over someone. But like I said I didn' want to go back to feeling the pain that heartbreaks bring or just knowing I lost someone who was really awesome and meant a lot to me at one point.

I hope you understand that there's nothing for me to look back on or remember from me being with you. It's over and I can never look back on anything even if I tried. I just didn't need to feel that empty void of looking back at something knowing that person no longer exist in my life. I just had to erase all of my feelings that I had for you and also every memory I ever kept of us and get back to my own life without any distractions. I'm not someone you need to think about and I'm sure as hell not an ex of yours. I'm just a ghost now and I hope you can accept that. I know I have considering this will be the last blog post I publish thanking you for everything you did with me and for making me feel everything that I felt when I was with you.