Blog Post 149

I Don't Want to Fall in Love...

Look before you get the wrong idea about this post let me just say I'm not in that state of mind to fall in love with you right now. I just think someone like you should deserve better and I can't give you that right now. So I've decided to take a few steps back to better myself and get my mental health under control before I end up being something that you hate and before you say this is some excuse to not be with you it's not. I just don't want you to think you're wasting your time on me or I'm wasting my time with you because me talking to you makes me really happy and when I'm not talking to you it's almost like hell in a way. 

I don't know. Maybe this thing we have is how it's supposed to go but why does it feel so great one moment and confusing the next? Am I doing something wrong or am I just overthinking every outcome when it comes to the decisions I make with you? I feel like me making a mistake with you or saying something wrong could end us so maybe I'm putting way too much pressure on myself to make sure I keep it sweet and simple. But in serious moments I kind of have to keep it real with you but then shit gets out of control so I don't acknowledge it and let it slide.

I really wish there was a you and I but the way I see it we're living in two completely different worlds and I wish there was a way to make it just one but with everything the way it is I don't think it's going to happen. Which really sucks for me considering I want to do everything I can to be with you but I keep asking myself if  I'm the one for you and I'm also having self-doubts about me being with you. I keep thinking I'm never going to be good enough for you and just other things you already know about. 

But for now, I think I should keep it mellow with you and see what happens in the near future. Hopefully, everything between us works out. But like who knows I'm constantly putting way too much pressure on myself making sure someone like you is always happy and if something's wrong then we'll discuss the topic instead of ignoring it as if it doesn't exist.