Blog Post 155

I Stopped Caring

I swear it feels like no matter who I talk to or hang out with something fucked up always happens. I don't know if it's because I'm speaking facts and no longer sugar coating shit or what. But it's like people are staying and going but I wish they would just pick one and stay with that choice. Tired of meeting people from my past! Why are you coming back like I owe you validation or some shit? I told you how I felt and what it was I was thinking about and you chose to leave so why are you coming back like I've changed my mind from my previous statement? That's not how I work/do things. I'm sorry but I wasn't raised on to say apologies or anything dealing with taking shit back on what I said. That's why it takes me forever to say what's on my mind because I know if I say the shit that's on my mind theirs no turning back. So I tend to just sit back and watch while processing everything that's happening instead of just saying shit and overreacting to things that have nothing to do with me.

I'm no longer in any position to have beef with anyone because I'm just going to be blocking you anyways. I just don't care to waste my time on people or ever have the patience to deal with the acknowledgment that people actually exist. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this planet! Maybe I'm meant to be somewhere else, like 6 feet under perhaps or just in hell to be honest. I feel like life is a waste of breath and time. I just wish people would come face to face with reality and see that things are not how everyone makes it out to be. Life is like a chess game. Everybody is always trying to get a checkmate somewhere somehow and for what just to restart? Makes no sense to me if you ask me. Just seems like you're restarting something that you already know how to do and for what exactly? To see if there's another way? Yeah, there are other ways for sure but no matter what you're still going to get the same results.

Maybe it's time to just focus on other things. I just don't understand why people get mad for people switching to different things or just simply doing other things? It honestly doesn't make any sense to me. I tend to move in different directions with my life because I feel like I need to and I tend to do that in a very extreme way and people get mad because they can't see where I'm coming from. If I don't like something I'm going to find a way to either fix it or simply just get rid of it and replace it. I'm not going to be wasting my time on something or someone who I have no need for! It's a waste of time for me and I'm no longer trying to have my time be wasted when I've already made plans to be dead in 5 years! 

So with that being said, I'm just trying to do whatever I can to live my life to fullest, and if that means dying before I get to do it all then so be it. I just know I don't wanna die without doing the things I have on my mind. I just hope I make people see that I never cared to be alive and never cared about them either. I just tolerated them because that's what society makes us do. But fuck society and everybody who makes up the rules on how we should act and be in public and who we can love and hate. No, I decide on who I want to love and hate. It's my life so I think I'll make my own decisions! I'm not living a life where I have to fit into a norm that's not even the norm anymore. Shit times have changed so people better get with the times or they're gonna be real shook when something happens that they have no control over.