Blog Post 176
I’m the type to catch feelings for someone and not tell them for months to a years bc I’m not trying to rush into something that’ll never work. I usually tell someone I had feelings for them after they no longer peak my interest. That way it’s not so awkward and we can continue being whatever.
You might’ve been the one tbh but the way you respond and acknowledge shit just isn’t worth my time. It’s always a waiting game with you and I’m just not into games. Me being able to open up to someone takes a lot out of me. It’s never easy being vulnerable and opening up about my feelings. It’s always a back a forth scenario where sometimes all I feel like doing is drowning.
I don’t understand why I feel like I’m such a waste of space & time when it comes to you. I know you don’t hate me and I don’t hate you. It’s just I’m lost trying to figure out why things seem so off every time we talk. I’d hate to be the one to tell you to stop talking to me bc I know if I said that then it’ll be over for good and I just don’t want that. I just wish I could be fully honest and open about everything that’s going on and how I’m feeling.
So please shut the fuck up telling me to give it some time / give it a second chance and see where it goes. I’m tired of giving people second chances when it’s going to be the same outcome as before. Y’all making it so there’s no room for growth and just assume shit will get better within a 48hr time frame when that’s not the case. Within the first 48hrs I’m still trying to figure out where shit went wrong and what my next move is and how to process everything that just went down.
Stop trying control my decisions with people I link with / date. I’m finally in the best mind set I’ve ever been without having to deal with distractions or people breathing down my neck telling me this isn’t you. I had people who didn’t even know me telling me who I am and what I should be doing just for me to fail. What kind of fuck shit is that? That’s why people keep asking themselves why I never bother being open about anyone or anything relating to my life.
Can we also talk about how people force their way Into closed gated friendships. Just because I only have 5 friends that doesn’t mean I need more friends. It just means I’m happy and well aware of my surroundings. I’m not the one to be friends with everyone I come in contact with. There could be a whole group of people I meet and I still wouldn’t try to be friends with any of them. I don’t know them well enough and I sure as hell don’t know what their intentions are so why would I bother wasting my time.
I enjoying being alone majority of the time and then there’s times where I enjoy chilling with the homies & shorties. Just because I never post or talk about it doesn’t mean I’m not doing it. I don’t need people asking me who’s she and y’all fucking type shit. Shit she could be my baby momma but you’d never know that because she doesn’t know you, so why would she bother explaining anything to you?
Stop asking dumbass questions and just read the room / vibe and go from there and if you can’t then just leave because I’m not in the mood to be explaining shit for anyone. Stop being so damn impulsive and embarrassing yourself. It wastes everyone time and it just makes you look weak and we don’t tolerate that weak shit. So either get your shit together or fuck off.