Blog Post 178
I Should Have Known Better!
It hurts knowing I did my best to get it right with you just for you to tell me there was another person in the mix. I'm not sure what to do or say right now. I just thought that things could last but I was a fool for thinking that when it came to you. I just wish you would've been upfront the day I asked to be friends. It would have saved me so much time and money if you would have been upfront with me! I should have listened to my friends and blocked you the day you caused me to overthink everything I do. I wish I knew what your intentions really were. But from everything that I analyzed, it was only about the money and nothing else. It sucks I got played and used just for that. I really thought I was making things right and doing my best to treat you right. But I guess you never cared about my doings and what you meant to me. I will never forgive myself for how well I treated you and how much I opened up to you just for you to make me bad the guy in the end.
It's like my trust and self-respect went out the door the moment you stepped backed into my life. I should have known that you coming back into my life would be a mistake and me making mistakes is something I try to avoid because it just causes too much stress for me to just sit back and do nothing. I really thought that giving it time would help me realize everything that went wrong and by learning from it all you would stop seeing me as the bad guy. But I guess the 3 year gap didn't seem to do any justice for you. I wish I knew what I should do other than just avoid you and no longer use any of my socials. It just sucks I gave it my all just for you to throw it all away in a matter of seconds.
It sucks knowing I gave you my trust and respect just for you to toy with me like a doll. It was my fault for ignoring all the red flags and only focusing on the way you made me feel. I feel so fucking stupid and annoyed that I lost everyone close to me because I wanted to make things work with you and only you. I got lost in the feeling of wanting to be high and feeling alive that I started using drugs and drinking alcohol just to cope with the pain you gave me. I can't believe it let it get that far when I know that's not who I am!
I just pray to god that I'm able to go back to my old ways and not feel the need to go out and drink or get high just to feel something. I want my old self back! I don't need you or anyone else around me! I hate the thought of you and I will always hate you for the way you made me feel. I gave it a shot and man that shot almost ended my life! So fuck you and everything you do because I've learned once again why I should never put my trust in people! I just wish you could've been honest that's all I ever wanted but you're not the one to be honest so I don't know why I even bothered with you in that department! It just sucks I kept it one hundred with you the whole time while you were keeping it 1% with me!
But like I said it was my mistake and I just have to learn from it and not do it again! I don't want to ever remember anything about you or anything you did to me! I just wanna erase it all and move on! I don't wanna live in the past when there's so much I can do now that I'm not wasting my time making sure you're okay. I can finally stop caring about you and just go back to caring about those who actually know how to treat someone right and not just use them.