Blog Post 182

Rest in Peace

I feel like I've been avoiding you for the longest just so things can go back to normal but what exactly is normal when my happiness was with you and my sadness was nonexistent until you left. There are so many unanswered questions to us that I just wish I knew how to get the answers to! Maybe things could be as simple as breathing between us two but instead, it's just a lot of back and forth which I'm not a big fan of so I tend to distance myself when in reality I should be finding ways to make things work despite our differences!

I understand we won't ever see eye to eye or agree on everything to a similar topic but at least let me show you that I'm interested in the things you do and say instead of shutting me out and having me feel like the bad guy! I hate the feeling of being the bad guy when all my intentions are pure when it comes to you! I know you can't see that because of my past doing which I blame myself for but I feel like if you let me show the real me instead of the version people want me to be then maybe things could be different between us and there wouldn't be so many mistakes being made! 

I believe the person you met back in 2019 ended up dying for the better, and he realized he couldn't live with the pain and hurt he caused others so he ended up taking his own life just so people will never have to experience any sort of pain when it came to him! He did it for those who he genuinely loved and cared about. He didn't need a reason for ending his life when all the reasons were presented to him. He thought by ending his life the people who took the time to know him would be better off without him and possibly happier.

He wanted to make sure those around him were safe and well before ever making a rash decision. He wanted to let the people around him know how much he actually cared for them just for him to escape the lies being told in the end! He never had a problem saying goodbye and moving on, he had problems of letting go! He held on to certain people for his own memories because those who made him feel happy made him feel alive and when he felt alive he felt untouchable. So he really appreciated those people the most and those who know who they are thank you!

There's so much that goes unsaid about a person's personal life especially when they feel like people are only there to exploit their weakness! This person is known to keep quiet and private with just about everything that comes their way because there was nobody to trust in his world. He only ended up trusting himself and the time he had to live. He ended up counting down the days to his death just to be surrounded by people who were nothing but fake and disrespectful towards him. I really hated the thought of having people standing over him as if they were really there to show support when in reality they were only there to confirm the death of the person they once met!