Blog Post 193

You Were Never the One I Wanted

I guess I'll talk my shit and leave since it's clear this has gotten out of hand. I meant all the shit I said about you and to you. So if you got an issue with it then address it to me and not to people I don't know or those who have no business being involved. Makes you look like an attention seeker which is funny since you never were the one to go out looking for it. So why you bother being that person is still a mystery to me but hey you do you. I'm no longer involved in your life so leave my name out of your mouth. You talk about this and that only to miss key parts in certain situations. It's cool though, I don't expect someone of your kind to tell the whole truth and get the actual facts. You're the type to play the victim and act as if everyone you've come across has done you dirty in one way or another when they were simply just trying to help you!

I admit I was the one who initiated the first move but that didn't give you any right to do the shit you did. I hated just about everything we did and talked about. I was doing everything I could possibly think of just to please you and be on your good side only to fail in the end. It hurts knowing that the feelings I had for you were even present when all you ever made me feel was isolated and anxious. You had a way of letting things be and not acknowledging the damages you were causing even though I asked you to stop only for you to keep going and ignore me in the end. I ended up overthinking and apologizing for shit that wasn't even my fault or related to my doings. You just sat there and let me break down into pieces while smiling. Which is what made me see you for the monster that you really are. You play the victim all too well just to get your way and little to my knowledge I could've stopped you if I had just put my feelings to the side.

You might have been the one I wanted to make things right with and move on from but you were never the one I wanted to commit to. You were just another person I was making amends to and nothing more. I only did the things I did and said all the things I said so you didn't end up going stupid and violent. I ended up watching you so damn much that I adjusted to everything you did and said. I didn't care to overreact but one time but that was in the beginning after that I let everything be what it was because I knew it would be out of my control to handle. I let the feelings take over to make it seem more real only to come back to reality knowing it was all an act and I was with someone else the whole time talking bout all the shit you were doing so they could help me process the things you were having me go through. It was never me and you it was just you and my unconscious thoughts taking the lead role in playing the good guy knowing damn well that's not me.