Blog Post 199

My Heart Doesn't Belong to You

I get it, you like me and we ended up talking and whatnot, but I personally can't allow myself to get attached to anyone such as yourself or anyone in general. I would physically rather get hit by a truck and be burned in hell than ever get attached to someone who has a beating heart. I don't know why but every time I get attached things just simply go to hell and I'm trying my best to have things just be steady and not so fucked up. That's why I took time off from social media and only stuck to my sites because I was already detoxing from someone who was so bad for me but I really wanted things to work knowing, in the end, it could never be and it just took a toll on me. That person made me realize how much of a waste of time and self-respect goes out the window when it comes to loving someone and being there for them and I'm just not ready to be put back into that position especially when it comes to my mental health.

I just rather be alone and not be tied down to only talking to one person if that makes sense. Shit, if I could just make it so I didn't have to talk to anyone I'd be set for life but nah people constantly wanna reach out and ask me for shit even though they know damn well they're barking up the wrong tree. I don't understand why I can't just be left alone and not feel the need to talk. It's like if I stay quiet then something is either wrong or I'm upset when in reality I just don't feel like wasting my time on anyone or simply put not wanting to talk and opening up about the shit that's happening. Like so what if I make myself quiet and focused on the shit that needs to be done? Not everything I do needs an explanation. Sometimes I just do shit that benefits me and myself only. I'm not out here trying to please others. I'm just here to work with the time that I was given and get the hell out. If you gotta a problem with the shit I do or say then go call 9-1-1 or something, honestly like what's stopping you?

I no longer have the time or energy to sit here and explain all the messed up thoughts I have about this and that when they're all just gonna die out in a day or so. So why do you keep asking me about this and that when we both know none of it ever really matters? You play these mind games and act as if you care when in reality you're just a manipulator to get what you want whenever you need it and honestly it's pretty fucked up. I wish I could let the devil out of me to give you a taste of your own medicine but you'd probably end up falling in love with it and I just can't get behind that shit. I don't need someone who ends up bringing the devil out of me knowing damn well I hate being the bad guy. So you know what, I'll continue letting you do you and letting you toy with my heart to however you desire but just know my ace card will take you out sooner or later.

I just really wish the love you talked about was real and compatible with the way I love but it just isn't. You wanna know why? You seek guy after guy thinking you'll find what you're looking for but you're forgetting one key factor. Closure doesn't come from someone new, it comes from the past and learning how to be a better you without them. So until you find that I can't be bothered to be entertained by you or your games. So it's a no for me and I'm simply done with you and everything you have to offer! So stop showing off your body thinking I'll feel some type of way when in reality I don't feel anything when it comes to you in general nor romantically. I just don't have any kind of connection to go off so I'm not going to bother acting like what you're doing is a turn-on when in reality it makes me sick! So please just stop before I report you to my lawyer for a "14-190.5A. Disclosure of Private Images, Civil Action Lawsuit". Your choice!!