Blog Post 200
Never to Be Seen Ever Again // My Final Goodbye!
I'm sorry in advance for the things that are about to be said and done after this has been published. I think people who have good intentions and bad intentions for me are about to really find out just how much they don't know about me. I just think it's finally time to call it quits and move on from everyone. I wanna do this in the most respectful and nonchalant way as possible though. I don't want any questions being asked and people wondering if I'm dead or alive because honestly, I'm not even sure if I'll be dead or alive after the things that are about to occur in the next 72 hours. Will I be back or will I finally get my wish and let the demons take full control of all the shit that's been ignored and go after all the people who did me wrong? I wish I could tell the outcome of what's to come but I can't because I don't know.
The only thing I'm fully aware of is that nobody is supposed to be harmed or suffer in the process of the aftermath. It's just supposed to be a clean getaway and nothing more. It's not about my past or future it's just a clean getaway for myself. I don't want to be traced back to my current life. I have no friends and I have no one I can rely on so this plan should be in full effect by midnight. It's so simple getting my way to letting people do and think what they want after all the damage is already done. But for this, I don't care to have my way. I'm letting someone else do the dirty work for me. Even though we agreed on several terms. Such as staying away from people I know and those I had a falling out with. They are not to go anywhere near these people otherwise they might slip up and tell them what actually happened to me and then it's game over for both parties involved.
I just want things to be at peace for everyone that was or currently is still in my life. I don't wanna ever have to look back at a situation and wonder how it could have been different when I chose to do what was best for me even if that meant never speaking to someone ever again. I don't want them to think they did something wrong and blame themselves when I chose to let them do what they wanted and just sat back while they did it. It's not their fault for not seeing any wrong in their actions. Certain things just take time and other things take zero to none and that's okay. I was just a fill-in for certain people and I never really cared to be anything more. I knew my time and place was never going to be permanent that's why it was so easy for me to move on so quickly from others and their life. It's not because they're bad or anything toxic-related, it's just I know that I'm not meant to be in other people's lives and that's why I'm making the switch to be unknown and basically just disappear from everyone I once knew.
It's taken me a full year to get the timing right and finding someone who can have access to the materials needed for this shit to work. I'm finally putting aside all my differences with everyone and just letting the old me be burned in hell and letting another version of myself be born but not for people to see. I want to be fully unknown or better yet someone who never existed. I don't know, there's just something about never existing that amuses me. I already feel like my life is a lie and things are always changing for the worst so why not just get a clean getaway and not be involved with anyone anymore? Seems like a new beginning to me and the best day of my life all at once!!! Plus I feel like this will help me find my true self and not this thing that I was programmed to be. Just the thought of finally finding peace and closure within myself is the best feeling that I could ever ask for. It's been so long since I knew who I am and what it is I wanted. So hopefully this all works out and if not then just know I'm either six feet under or just a floating body somewhere off the coast of the border!!!