Blog Post 201

Meet Me On the Other Side

I hope the person I'm talking about in this, sees this!

Can I just go ahead and say that I care about this person more than they'll ever know or care to believe! I know I have a hard time showing and communicating how I feel towards them but that's only because when I see them I go numb and don't have anything to say. I let my eyes do all the talking and just let them do all the actual talking so I don't seem needy or annoying. I want them to know I care but I can never tell them because I feel like if I opened up about how I feel towards them that they'll end up distancing themselves from me and I can't go through another healing stage. I want this person to be in my life but not as a friend or anything. I want them to just be the one I talk about and people ask about on a regular basis. I just always want this person to be around me and have me be around them. No bullshit, or drama, just straight vibes, and laughs. I have no need for them to hate me nor do I have a reason to hate them, if anything I love them but I just can't commit to telling them that yet.

So I'm letting it out on here hoping they stumble upon this and realize how much this friendship I have with them means to me. I just hate how sometimes we end up in different beds thinking of one another knowing it's part of life and we have to either move on or just change for the better. I don't ever want them to think they're a second option or an option in general, because they're not. It's just that life throws out certain situations and you have to figure out what to do when things don't go as planned. Do you stay and make things work or do you walk away and hope for the best? I personally would love to just stay and talk about what just happened and see if it can be prevented but I understand you needing your space so I sit back and stay quiet until the timing is right to talk again or just simply until we come to an agreement of what to do next time something like that happens.

I hate the thought of throwing away what we have when I know this was meant to be. You didn't just come into my life to show me the way out of a toxic relationship just to throw me back into one. So please stay and teach me how to be a better me. I'm not looking for much nor am I ever asking for anything from you other than just some alone time so we can talk and laugh. I love how I can just be myself around you and your friends without any judgment even though sometimes things go a bit too far and I end up shutting down. I never thought I could be this open about my feelings and have someone get it from my point of view. It feels nice knowing I no longer have to put up a brick wall when it comes to my feelings. I can just feel things and not be judged for the things I feel! So thank you!