Mak

Giving off the Wrong Idea I don't mind the thought of us going at it if that's the thing you choose. I lose track of time when it comes to you anyways so what's there more to lose other than the high you give off when you're close to me. I get so caught up in the feeling of having you next to me that nobody could compare to you and the things you do for me. I'll forever care about you but god damn don't go out and put the blame on me for the shit that was never my fault. You're the best and worse thing that has ever happened to me only because the best parts of you are the parts you never show to others but for me and the bad parts are the things you keep out from the public eye to see. You get so reckless with your feelings that things just tend to spiral out of my control and I tend to shut down so you can do your thing. I never asked questions or got in your way while you were hating me. I just let you hate me and I ended up seeing a side of you that I wa...

Dogding Bullets I never said I wanted to I just said it was easier doing it that way. I never asked for forgiveness or your sympathy! All I asked was for your understanding but you went and blew it out of proportion just to see how I’d react knowing it was never that serious to begin with! I ended up coming back to make things right just to be left in the background to deal with the lies you told knowing it was never meant to last! I did my best to make some sort of sense out of it but it just wasn’t adding up! I felt like every time I tried it was just a waste of time and energy on my part! I thought I had found what I was missing for so long but turns out it was just my imagination getting in the way! I thought you and I were great but then reality settled in and showed me things for what they really were and I was sick to my stomach that I let that shit go on for that long. I lost track of what was real and fake only to end up faking all my feelings for something that was a mess fro...

That Version No Longer Exist I'm done trying to send out messages explaining the pain you caused and how it affected me. I wish you were sober so we could talk face to face but knowing you you'll just get upset that I'm even making the attempt to talk to you. I wanted to make things clear but you only saw that as a threat when all I ever did was care about you. You made me happy for the longest but then soon after you ended up causing pain day after day and I didn't have a reason as to why you were doing it. I wish you could have just explained to me what was up with you but you just ended up shutting me out every time I asked if there was a problem. It was killing me on the inside not knowing what went wrong or what was making you act that way. I ended up distancing and avoiding you for the longest time because I was scared you were no longer the same person I once fell in love with. I wanted things to be real and authentic as much as possible between us two. But you n...

My Feelings Aren't Meant For You I forget that certain people around me don't deserve or need to see the caring side of me. It just feels wrong to show how vulnerable I can be to others just for them to call me sensitive or overly caring. I tend to shut down in moments when I can't describe how I'm feeling or what it is I'm feeling because I never learned to understand how feelings actually worked. I just suppressed all my emotions growing up and let them ball up and over time I let them die. It felt safer that way than to have people ask questions about why I did the shit I did knowing it was just me reacting to shit and how I felt towards it at the time. But now I no longer react or acknowledge the shit that's been said or done to me because there's no point in addressing it or giving it too much thought. I just let it be what it is and hope for the best. I'm not looking for people to say sorry or any sort of communication when it comes to bad doings. ...

All the Times You Could've Lied I understand that there will never be any sort of love between us two and honestly I’m okay with that because after all it’s just a game for you so I pretended to do the same and let you think what we have is real knowing damn well none of it really ever mattered. So let’s just call it what it is and move on from all the games and suffering! It’s no use to keep holding on to things that are already broken and damaged! Feels like it’s just spare parts for the wrong things! No matter what we do to try and solve the problems we’re always going to have a missing piece! It’s draining as fuck thinking things are working out then have shit turn into fighting and chaos for us to just go our separate ways! I wish things didn’t have to end on such a bad note but here we are day by day letting shit get worse and worse just to see who can tap out the first! It’s like a constant war between us two and we don’t even have a clue as to what we’re fighting for other ...

A Matter of Time I swear this is nothing against anyone other than myself and my inner demons. I have no hate towards anyone right now. I'm just trying to get a grip on certain shit that seems to just be slipping away every chance it gets. I don't care to go into details about this or that when I already know what needs to be done. I keep hiding my true self from others because the real me would never be understood and I don't think I want it to be understood if I'm being completely honest. It's like there are multiple versions of me being created day by day and I don't know who or what I am at this point. It's all just a blur for me because half the time I feel like drowning and other days I feel like I'm allowed to exist and others it's just a blank space. No thoughts no knowledge no nothing. It's just a void of emptiness for me on regular basis and I don't know what I'm supposed to make out of it let alone do with it. All I ever do now...

Don’t Say You’re Sorry! I never had the heart to stay but I guess I should’ve known better than to give up my time for something so temporary! I couldn’t help but figure you out for the better only to realize nothing ever got better in the process! It was just lies after lies and it was draining from the start! Nothing I did or could do would have made things work! No matter how hard I tried and fight for us it would always just come out as me being the bad guy! I hated the image you made for me. I didn’t realize the way you saw me was so cruel and disapproving. If I had known sooner I would have just left you alone but no! You choose to do your thing and lead me on only for me to get hurt in the process! I ended up losing those I cared about because I didn’t want to walk away from something that I thought was worth fighting for. But turns out there was nothing to fight for. If anything it was just us fighting the whole damn time and for what I don’t know! I guess because we never saw ...

Cold Blooded I really want certain niggas dead. Got too much pride to have my shit disturbed and by the looks of things it's clear to me that my alter ego is out and about so fuck you and all the shit you do. I don't care about this or that when in reality you just need to hop up off my shit and suck a dick for all I care. I put money on your life hoping one day you get your karma just for my amusement. I got tired of all the games that I ended up getting even with those I no longer wanted around me. I cut ties and let them drown because what's the point of having dead weight around? Makes no sense to me so fuck it. I ended up killing off the good side of me and ended up bringing out the evil side so if you're ready to hang with the demon then let me know cause that's all I am at this point. So if I seem off or uncontrollable there's a reason, I just won't be acknowledging it. I can tell that you're getting mad so why don't you come and run into this...

Flatlined If it’s not me then kill me! I’m sick and tired of all the back and forth thinking I made things right with you knowing damn well you’re the one who’s coming at me with all the hate! I did my best to play my part as a friend but turns out I was the enemy the whole time and for what reason I don’t know! But if that’s all I am to you then please just let me end my shit and let you have your peaceful life! Cause I’m tired of being in the way of people I don’t even know or care about! It’s frustrating trying to stand clear of everyone and everything but yet still seem to get dragged into shit that has no meaning to me. I avoid and go ghost as much as possible but even then it’s still not good enough for anyone it seems! I don’t do it for attention. I do it so I can be left alone and not be such a bother to others! I stay to myself and only talk when needed to. I’m so unbothered by the shit people say and do around me that they’ll find their way to make it about me even though I h...

I Couldn't Be More Grateful! Hey sorry to do this but I just wanted to be honest with the way I feel when it comes to you! I ended up falling for you unexpectedly knowing I’d get hurt in the end but I didn’t care because the way I felt towards you was real and I loved the feeling of having you around! But turns out I can never be the one for you! I thought that maybe I could put myself in a position where I could be all yours but I just don’t think I could ever be with someone like you! Not because there’s something wrong with you or anything like that it’s just I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you! I’m just trying my best to not hurt anyone around me and the thought of me hurting you just doesn’t sit right with me. I like having you around way too much to do anything more than I should! I’m good and well with where I stand with you! I appreciate the moments we make together and the talks we have. It’s just I could never love you the way you want! I wis...

Friendly Fire I should've known better than to hit you up. I just wanted to see where you stood with me. I wasn't sure if we were cool or just completely done with one another. I understand I took some time off and away from reaching out to you. But I really missed having you around and I didn't realize at the time you had move to a different state. I wanted to just end the conversation right then and there because I thought that making things work or going back to what we had was done and over with for good. I wanted to kill off all the feelings I had for you because in my head I knew it was never going to be the same and I hated the thought of never seeing you. I asked you questions about what the future hold for us and you replied back with the same response as always so I felt good about that. I wasn't overthinking anything and I stop panicking over the thought of losing you. I admit it took some time getting used to you being away and not next to me. In my head, I ...

Lies Turned into Truths I ended up getting close to you so I could get some ideas on what to write about because I knew how quick and easy it would be to get the post published if I stuck around you. I didn't care for the shit that went on. I only cared about how I could make every situation into a post. I wasn't in it for the vibe or friendship or anything really involving you in general. I just wanted to see how many and how much I was willing to get out of you and turns out I got everything I ever wanted and so much more. I didn't expect to get this many posts published about the shit that's happened this fast. I thought that maybe I could get 3-5 out but nah, I got hella post published from being with you and all I gotta say to that is thank you. I made you out to be the good guy just to have people leave me alone about the subject matters and not cause hatred towards you. I ended up taking all the blame just so you could keep your squeaky clean goodie two-shoe boy ...

Not My Type Even though I got a rush off you every time we linked up I knew that you were never really the one I wanted. I just did it cause I knew you would've been an easy target. I never meant to get attached but I did and I think that's why it was hard for me to keep focus. I knew that you were no good for me from the start but I did it anyways because I wanted to see if you were worth the hype and turns out you're really not. I lowered my standards just to please you and let you have your way because I felt sorry for you. I never mentioned it before because it would've made me seem like an ass and now that I'm thinking about it maybe I should've told you my reasons behind the whole linking up thing. But I didn't because I wanted to see how far you were willing to take it. I admit I like how easy it was to get your attention but now that everything is done and over with I'm glad to say that I no longer need to keep tabs on you. I'm not trying to ...

I Never Hated You It’s pretty easy to tell if I hate you or not but the way I saw you I never saw you as a threat or competition! I just saw you as someone I cared about and I’m not sure what made you think I’d ever want to hate you! Yeah I get we have our differences and our past but god damn me hating you is the exact opposite of what I’m trying to do! I care about you more than you’ll ever know! I don’t mention your name unless it’s for a good reason or just simply cause you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I want people to see the good in you! I’m not bashing or putting dirt on your name when I’ve never had intentions of doing that! It’s just sometimes I get confused about what to do so I get distant and let things be! I’m not looking to make an enemy out of you or have you see me as one! It’s just I care so much about you that I’ll do anything to make you happy and if that means moving several states away so you can have your peace and life to your liking then so b...

It's Crystal Clear Don't bother explaining anything to me anymore because it's pretty obvious how you feel towards me. I don't care to hear your side of the story any more or from your friend's point of view. It's all just the same and it's such a waste trying to listen to the same shit over and over. It's not like the details are changing or getting better. It's just the same but from different people. I don't see the point of making things work with you anymore. It's not because I hate you or anything it's just I don't have the time or energy for you. It's final and I'm not going back on what I said. I guess the best thing to do is just remain as strangers and not cross paths with one another which is easy for me now since I'm no longer in the same state or city as you. I know I'll have to be going back eventually but right now I'm good with where I'm at and not giving you the attention that you've been c...

It’s Nothing Against You!! I don’t think I’ll ever have my personal matters viewed in the public eye! It’s just certain battles I’m facing and going through need to stay behind closed doors. I don’t care to answer questions about this and that when it’s just gonna end up escalating shit with people who aren’t even involved in the doing / situations taking place! I’m taking the time to just analyze and reconsider everything that’s happened because it’s clear to me that things will never be right or correct unless I just take the time to fix it on my terms! I don’t need to communicate my doings or feelings with people who I have no interest in! It’s just me at this point! I’m not pointing fingers or playing the blame game with anyone else other than myself! I don’t have time to confront others at the moment about the wrongs they’ve done! I can only acknowledge it and just not bother with them right now! I’m good on my own and I think I always will be! I’m not exposing names or play-by-pl...

I Already Know Things Will Never Work Between Us Two! I ended up going back to you just to see if things could be different but turns out it couldn’t. I was hurt thinking things couldn’t be cool between us two. I tried my best to do everything I could to get it right with you just for you to play me out to be the bad guy every chance you got! I let shit be no matter the issue or topic. I just let things take it's toll and didn’t realize I was letting myself go in the process! I just wanted you to be happy so I didn’t react or let my feelings get in the way! I thought by me just letting you take control that things would be easier but turns out they were easier for you but harder on me only because I knew what was being done to me wasn’t normal nor right in any shape or form! But I just let it be because I was afraid of losing you and I didn’t want to lose you for a second time! I ended up letting you back in just to realize how much of a mistake I made! I wanted to be around you so...

I Just Wanted to Leave I never imagined the chaos and draining thoughts that would come while being with someone. I thought by being with someone you loved and cared about things would be easier and pretty mellow but for some reason, I got the exact opposite of that and I'm just trying to figure out what I did to cause that. Where did I go wrong to have the person I lfell in love with and cared about so much to just leave me for dead thinking it was the best decision? I never expected someone who I thought would be my peace and safety would just one day turn on me over something I didn't even know I did nor knew about or what exactly caused it. I just wish I could go back to the day and ask what it was I did instead of just letting the pain take over and going completely numb afterwards. I thought by just letting them take their anger out on me it would help them only to find out that the anger they took out on me would leave me in concern and traumatized for not knowing how to...

Untitled … I guess it’s whatever at this point! Just wish you & I could laugh and talk like we once did! But I can see that’s all done & over with! You have your new friends & I have myself so it’s all good & well! Nothing to worry about anymore. It’s just crazy how much I once loved you just to end up hating you at the end! I guess I never thought I could hate a person who could make me smile when I was at my lowest but fuck here I am numb as fuck wishing I could hold you one last time. But it’ll never happen because I'm tired of all the shit you put me through even though it’s not on purpose/intentional, it’s just your way of doing things! I just hate how you were okay with hurting me when all I ever did was show you the best version of myself that nobody ever gets to see just for you to hate me! Everything I did & said was genuine and respectful only for you to turn back around and shut me out! I didn’t see the point in staying or asking questions when it cam...

It Shouldn't Matter How I Feel You left me in the dark thinking I could make it out on my own, only for me to get stuck and suffer in the void of silence, and honestly it's whatever because the way you just left said it all. I realized that nothing I did after getting out of that dark ass hole would ever make me see you as the person I was once with. You said it yourself that you were unstable but I gave you the benefit of the doubt thinking it was just a saying because you didn't understand the things you felt like me. But turns out you were telling the truth and for that, I apologize for misreading the situation. I thought you and I could be great together now that we were older and have been through the wringer together but it's clear to me that we will never work and coming to the realization of us never working out was one of the hardest pills I had to swallow. I tried everything I could to make it work and even kept myself at arm's reach just in case something...

I No Longer Have the Time for You The way you saw me back then was what I wanted you to see. It wasn't the person I wanted to be but the person you were willing to look at and have so I ended up becoming that only to lose myself in the process of not being true to myself and for that, I can never forgive myself. But I will forgive you for all the things you did and made me feel only because it's time to end this chapter and start looking forward to the next. I did all I could to please you and be there for you even though you ended up pushing me out half the time when I was still willing to wait for you. I wanted things to be good between us and be able to feel proud of having you around but deep down inside I just felt like a burden to you and that just really hurt me because you allowed me to think that I wasn't good enough and I had to change just to please you in a way that was mentally draining and physically exhausting. I hope one day when you look at me you'll se...