Blog Post 205

I No Longer Have the Time for You

The way you saw me back then was what I wanted you to see. It wasn't the person I wanted to be but the person you were willing to look at and have so I ended up becoming that only to lose myself in the process of not being true to myself and for that, I can never forgive myself. But I will forgive you for all the things you did and made me feel only because it's time to end this chapter and start looking forward to the next. I did all I could to please you and be there for you even though you ended up pushing me out half the time when I was still willing to wait for you. I wanted things to be good between us and be able to feel proud of having you around but deep down inside I just felt like a burden to you and that just really hurt me because you allowed me to think that I wasn't good enough and I had to change just to please you in a way that was mentally draining and physically exhausting.

I hope one day when you look at me you'll see how much I truly cared about you and the way I ended up feeling for you was real and honest because even though my friends kept laughing at the thought of me being around you, I just ignored them and defended you behind closed doors every time,  but now that I'm looking back I can see why they ended up saying all the things that they were about you. I ended up defending your name and the things you posted so many times because I was tired of the games and just wanted something real. But turns out they were right all along. I wasted my time on someone who was never willing to make things work and I thought by doing everything right you would see how much I cared about making things work. But I was wrong. You were just seeing how far I was willing to take things and honestly, I'm no longer a fan of you anymore.

You ended up falling off my radar after I realized you started smoking cigarettes and I just can't fucks with people who smoke cigs. That was the one main reason that made me walk away and never have me look at you the same way. I lost all feelings for you that night when you ended up lighting that cig next to me and went about it as if it was nothing. Every time I look at you now I just wanna throw up because you smoking a cig out of all the options just isn't a vibe and when things aren't a vibe I end up leaving and finding something better, which lucky for me I have and she doesn't cause any overthinking or bring up any sort of bullshit when having a conversation unlike you!! So fuck you and all the things you do! It just kind of sucks you didn't start smoking cigs sooner so I would have never ended up looking your way to begin with. It would've saved me so much time and stress!