Blog Post 210
It’s Nothing Against You!!
I don’t think I’ll ever have my personal matters viewed in the public eye! It’s just certain battles I’m facing and going through need to stay behind closed doors. I don’t care to answer questions about this and that when it’s just gonna end up escalating shit with people who aren’t even involved in the doing / situations taking place! I’m taking the time to just analyze and reconsider everything that’s happened because it’s clear to me that things will never be right or correct unless I just take the time to fix it on my terms! I don’t need to communicate my doings or feelings with people who I have no interest in! It’s just me at this point! I’m not pointing fingers or playing the blame game with anyone else other than myself! I don’t have time to confront others at the moment about the wrongs they’ve done! I can only acknowledge it and just not bother with them right now! I’m good on my own and I think I always will be! I’m not exposing names or play-by-play on the shit that happened! It’s just me and only me right now! I’m trying to better myself but in a way that doesn’t involve others getting removed or ghosted! I’m just trying to keep things civil but I’m not sure for how long I can keep it that way because I’m afraid that the truth is gonna make its way out and I really don’t need those closest to me getting hurt or in the mix of it all! I’m trying my best to keep things under the table and out of sight but it’s like these people who are around me are constantly gaslighting their way into things that have no purpose to them! I wish they’d just leave shit be and carry on about their life! It’s so annoying having to stop what I’m doing just because someone couldn’t mind their business!
It’s not like I open up to people in the first place or care to be around them. They just show up one day and don’t ever leave unless I block them and erase them from my knowledge altogether but even then they’ll find a way to crawl their way back into my life and for what?!? Just to see if I’ve changed my mind about this or that? I’m not the type to just change my mind after I’ve literally spent months thinking about it!! Why do you think it takes me a while to get my shit together?! I’m literally going over every little outcome that can go if I do what I think needs to be done! It’s not just a-okay cool you did this and that ight I’m gonna do this and that as my response!! I’m not like that! I wish I could be but I’m not! I don’t just make irrational decisions just to satisfy someone! I make sure I don’t end up hurting that person but at the same time, I’m making sure I’m not hurting myself by being someone I’m not! I prefer to stay neutral with just about everyone I meet/know but certain people who I meet and need to end things with or just basically no longer have anything to do with I plan it out carefully so I know for a fact that what I’m doing is right and I’m not going to regret it down the line! I just need people to accept it and basically just let it happen! I don’t mind if you reach out and try making things work or whatever it is you wanna do with me. I just know once I’ve said what I had to say it’s done and over for you! I’m not looking for closure or any sort of sympathy from you! I just want the best for you and if it means me not being involved then that’s what I’ll do! I don’t care to be the guy who holds you back or prevents you from doing what you need to do! I just hope you know that I’ll forever have good intentions when it comes to you and will always wish you the best of luck but from a distance! I no longer have it in me to sit back and watch when it’s just killing me because I know I’ll never be the one you need!
All I can do is just let things end and go my own way! I don’t need to keep things at arm's reach or at any distance really because it’s done and faded! I don’t even care to know if what we had was ever real or if it was all just for show! Whichever one it was I’m glad it was with you because honestly you’re the closest I’ve ever been to finding peace and you made it so easy! I’m going to miss you for sure, but it’s time to let go! I know we talked about certain things that could lead up to something more but right now I just need to be alone and away from the mix! I’m not blaming you or anyone! I’m just taking a step back and letting things play out how they really should! I tried calling you multiple times but you just kept avoiding it so I knew it was time to let go! I don’t wanna bother being a burden to someone I thought I once loved and cared for anymore! I’m sorry for leaving and not being around! I just wasn’t sure where we stood anymore! I used to know exactly how I felt about you and how you felt about me but now I’m barely aware of your intentions with me and I just can’t go back to the overthinking stage! So I’m calling it quits and letting you, do you! I don’t need to bother with the late-night text because I’m fine just leaving things how they are and if you ever wanna reach out you can. I just won’t be in the same state of mind or head space that I once was! It’s hard to understand but hopefully, It’ll all come to an understanding eventually!!!