Blog Post 211

It's Crystal Clear

Don't bother explaining anything to me anymore because it's pretty obvious how you feel towards me. I don't care to hear your side of the story any more or from your friend's point of view. It's all just the same and it's such a waste trying to listen to the same shit over and over. It's not like the details are changing or getting better. It's just the same but from different people. I don't see the point of making things work with you anymore. It's not because I hate you or anything it's just I don't have the time or energy for you. It's final and I'm not going back on what I said. I guess the best thing to do is just remain as strangers and not cross paths with one another which is easy for me now since I'm no longer in the same state or city as you. I know I'll have to be going back eventually but right now I'm good with where I'm at and not giving you the attention that you've been craving. I wish I could stay where I'm at permanently but I'm just not ready for that right now. I still have unfinished business back home that needs to be handled but after that, I think I'm gonna go ahead and pull the trigger to just move on from everything and move on from it all.

I hate thinking things could be different when it's always the same outcome time after time. I wish we could've made it work as just friends because that's all I ever wanted but you didn't even give me a chance even though my intentions with you were crystal clear. But you just kept denying them for whatever reason and it was just frustrating because no matter how hard I tried to be on your side and defended you behind your back from the shit that was being said about you, but you still didn't care. You had my full respect and undivided attention just for you to cast me out as a stray and like I didn't matter. But it's fine because no matter how many times I got pushed out and ended up getting hurt I never once cared to change my feelings towards you. I wanted to show you how much I cared for you but you just didn't care to see it. I wish you would've just let me in and show you how much you meant to me but you only saw me as an enemy and I wanted to change your perspective towards me so bad but no matter how much I tried you just didn't see the good in me.

I did my best to keep things casual and civil and just left when needed or if I felt like things were shifting for the worst. I didn't care to interrupt or give my two cent worth of information when it was clear to me it wouldn't have mattered anyways. I'm just glad I was able to show the side of me that nobody ever gets to see when it came to you. I let you in and you ended up destroying it just for your amusement which is fine because I never expected anything less from you. I knew what you were about from the jump and I gave you the benefit of the doubt but you just proved every single point of mine. I didn't care to correct you or the shit you did and said because what good would that be when you would have just seen that as a threat and me coming off as a threat was the last thing I wanted to be for you. So I just stayed quiet and let you do your thing time after time.

It's just crazy how it's taken this long to get over you. I thought maybe us being friends the tension would die down but it's clear that the tension just kept getting stronger and for what reason I don't know because I hardly ever think of you. I might have thought of reaching out and seeing how you are but that's about it. I'm not trying to look for you or care to be in the mix of your life. I just simply wanted you to know that I had no beef or any kind of issue with you but it clear to me that you still have some sort of issue with me and that's what I don't get. How are you still having issues with me who's out of state and doing better off without you? Make it make sense because I haven't said a thing to you since a few days before my trip. But I guess it's clear that you were just waiting for me to leave to do your dirty work on me. It's fine I guess we all have certain things to do but for you to not respond or give a reason as to why you're doing the shit you do is just childish.

I told you how I felt and what it was I was hoping for when it came to you and you replied with idk so I just left it alone and carried on about my life. I'm no longer trying to force a connection between you or anyone else in general. I just end up saying things that could possibly fix or end the relationship between others depending on how much I care about them, I never wanted to permanently have things end between you and me. I just wanted to be able to talk to you here and there and that was it. I wasn't asking for much but I guess for you it was too much to handle. So forgive me for stepping out of line and not being the character that you manipulated me into. I just got my shit together and realized that you no longer have my attention like how you used to. You're just another standby until further notice.

I just wish you would have been upfront from the jump on why you hated me so much instead of hiding it as if it wasn't killing you inside seeing me around. I would never hide my hatred towards someone but for you, I guess I'm going to have to show you how it's done because the way you make it seem like you don't hate me is killing you because I know for a fact you wanna tell me to fuck off and hope I die which is understandable. But god damn don't shy away from it. Makes you look like a bitch. But maybe that's just me because of how straightforward I can be sometimes. I don't know. I just know that if you hate me so much that you had to go and block me for expressing my real feelings about things that I never got to talk about or acknowledge then maybe you're the issue. But let me go ahead and stop myself before I go off script because the way this is turning out it's clear that there's much more to this than what the eye can see.