Blog Post 216

I Couldn't Be More Grateful!

Hey sorry to do this but I just wanted to be honest with the way I feel when it comes to you! I ended up falling for you unexpectedly knowing I’d get hurt in the end but I didn’t care because the way I felt towards you was real and I loved the feeling of having you around! But turns out I can never be the one for you! I thought that maybe I could put myself in a position where I could be all yours but I just don’t think I could ever be with someone like you! Not because there’s something wrong with you or anything like that it’s just I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for hurting you! I’m just trying my best to not hurt anyone around me and the thought of me hurting you just doesn’t sit right with me. I like having you around way too much to do anything more than I should! I’m good and well with where I stand with you! I appreciate the moments we make together and the talks we have. It’s just I could never love you the way you want! I wish I could but it’s just not in me! I lost all knowledge in that department due to my trauma and people abusing me til there was nothing left to gain from me! So if I seem distant and cold sometimes it’s because I know I’ve overstepped my position with you and need time to get things back to how they were! It’s not because I hate you or have an issue with you! I just have issues within myself that needs fixing.

I like how things are between us to make any sort of changes. I understand that there might be days where we just won’t talk or are busy to interact with one another but at the end of the day, you’re the one I’ll be thinking of, and will always make sure you’re doing well! I know that I can be a bit over-caring and over-share things with you that are very personal to me but it’s only because nobody ever had my trust to where I could freely open up and express all the things I feel without making me feel like I was in the wrong! The blame was always put on me for the way I reacted when all I ever did was sit back and watch! I ended up walking away from so much shit that I longer bother staying for the end because I already know how it plays out! I removed myself from everyone’s life I’ve ever been in because I didn’t feel the need to hurt them or care enough to bother showing my real feelings. After all, I knew they’d use it against me! But you on the other hand are the only one who ever knows about the way I feel and why I feel the way that I do and it’s so nice not having to hide my feelings from you! It’s nice finally meeting someone who gets me and doesn’t judge me for the things I do! Yeah, you call me out on my bullshit, and when I’m doing something stupid and that’s what I like about you! Nobody else seemed to care they just let it happen and laughed! But you help me in ways that nobody else has been able to do and I thank you for that! I’m glad I met you because honestly the way we click and the vibe is so amazing that it’s like a never-ending cycle of happiness when it comes to you!

I don’t know why but when it comes to you it’s like nothing seems to get in the way of what we do or talk about it! Which is strange considering the age gap between us two! But hey it’s whatever honestly! The first time I met you I knew things would be everlasting between us two. Not in a romantic way but as in friendship wise! I ended up finding you to be really chill and I wasn’t nervous or shy around the things I wanted to talk about when it came to you! It kind of all just spilled out as if we’ve done it before! I don’t know! I just found you to be the one for me if that makes sense! I just love the thought of you being around and the one who understands me for me! I didn’t need to play a character or act a certain way to have you like me! I ended up just being myself and somehow you liked it which was interesting since I’m hella quiet and don’t care to open up to others! I like taking my time with things that matter to me and I think that’s what made it interesting when it came to you! Because the timing couldn’t have been better between us two! It’s just all-natural and easygoing with you! Nothing more nothing less!

All I have left to say is thank you for being there for me even though I push you away every time because I don’t want to be a burden to you with all the things I never say or care to feel! You give me the time and space I need to process all the shit that’s been done to me and help me through it every chance you get and I’ll never be able to thank you enough! I’ll forever be grateful for you and nothing you do can ever change that! I’ll always want you by my side no matter the time or distance!