Blog Post 217
Flatlined
If it’s not me then kill me! I’m sick and tired of all the back and forth thinking I made things right with you knowing damn well you’re the one who’s coming at me with all the hate! I did my best to play my part as a friend but turns out I was the enemy the whole time and for what reason I don’t know! But if that’s all I am to you then please just let me end my shit and let you have your peaceful life! Cause I’m tired of being in the way of people I don’t even know or care about! It’s frustrating trying to stand clear of everyone and everything but yet still seem to get dragged into shit that has no meaning to me. I avoid and go ghost as much as possible but even then it’s still not good enough for anyone it seems! I don’t do it for attention. I do it so I can be left alone and not be such a bother to others! I stay to myself and only talk when needed to.
I’m so unbothered by the shit people say and do around me that they’ll find their way to make it about me even though I have nothing to offer or a response to any of the shit they say to me! It’s all just blank stares and rolling eyes at this point! I don’t care to give off attention or take any in! I’m at the point where nothing is worth the time or my reaction. For fuck sake my reaction time to certain shit is already slow and pointless! I’m not seeing the need or point in acknowledging others when I’m barely acknowledging myself! I’m done trying to please people and making time for things that have no value. Just leave me alone because I’m at a point where nothing feels relevant to me anymore! I wish I never had to exist in the first place. I only existed or showed up when people needed me. I never did it because it was for my own good, it was always for others and never myself! I’d end up draining myself by acting like I care when I don’t. I ended up doing things for people just so I wouldn’t seem bad knowing damn well I couldn’t give a fuck if they had died on the spot or not. It’s just I’m not in it for the people or the quality time with others! I do it so I don’t seem useless!
People go out of their way to make me jealous just for me to show them I don’t need them. I get so much hate for being nonchalant when that’s all I’m ever good at being. I don’t understand why being nonchalant towards every situation is such a problem for others? Like, do y’all ever think that maybe certain shit is just irrelevant and a waste of time?! Such as people only using you for hookups knowing they don’t care about you or what you have to really say?! They just want the stimulation as one would if they were a drug addict. They’re only in it for the high and stamina! It’s all just for show and nothing more and that’s why I steer clear from people cause it’s never long-lasting it’s all just temporary and I hate doing temporary shit! It’s a waste of time and waste of energy! I'm better off just dying than applying energy into wasteful shit with arrogant ass people who are just rude and ugly, to begin with!