Mak

For You Only Not sure where to begin when it comes to you. I get that we never seem to catch a break when it comes to us being together or the fact that the chemistry is there but we're both too scared to acknowledge it. I guess the look in our eyes means one thing but the actions and timing mean something else. I get that we're slowly drifting apart and maybe that's what's best for us but before we drift our separate ways completely, there's something you should know because I don't think I'll have it in me to say it to your face.  I've been hiding and avoiding you for quite some time now due to a few factors. I'm trying my best to give you your space and not feel the need to disturb you. I keep wishing that I'd run into you just to see how better off you are without me so I can erase you from my life completely but I've been avoiding the need to be around you so things can be civil and at peace between us two. I don't know if I'm ma...

I'm Over It Almost 4 years (3 years and 11 months) in and I ended up cutting ties just because I saw no point in putting effort into something that was being dragged out to be nothing. So I'm sorry if I didn't give you a heads up or tell you my motives behind the doing. But it just felt unnecessary to explain something that should've been obvious as to why it happened. I had to constantly reach out just to explain my thoughts and feelings about you and how the situation was affecting me and you just didn't really care to acknowledge it. So I let it be for what it was and allowed time to pass us by as if it would work itself out only to find out I would eventually find someone new. I didn't care to explain or mention my doings to you or give you updates on the new people in my life because at the time I was erasing and clearing out all your things from my life knowing I'd never go back to you.  I deleted you from all my accounts and your number as well just b...

Just Sit Back & Watch Honestly, it's just fun to watch at this point. No shade or hate being thrown but just witnessing certain shit that has no business being my business is quite the entertainment. All I ever wanna do is just be by myself and enjoy the isolation but I got hoe's on my dick adding me to group chats that are filled with drama and I just watch it all go down not saying a word to anyone. I love watching it all play out knowing at the end f the night I was never associated with any of it because I technically never responded or bothered to give my two cents at the time. I'm in the clear so can't nobody tell me shit about this and that when I already knew what it was and why it happened. I've got nothing to tell or explain when the details will be out sooner or later depending on how serious the situation is/was. But overall these wack-ass group chats I'm being added to is just so I can make sure nobody is putting my name in shit that has nothing...

Update 2.0 Don’t get me wrong but me going ghost and back to where I feel safe is nothing like how I expected it to be! I’m better off in this environment even though I still have self-doubts about certain things from my past! I don’t bother reaching out or acknowledging anyone anymore just because I don’t wanna risk losing what I have now! I don’t care to be seen or heard from! Yeah, I’m still active here and there on socials but nothing too major! I took a break from photos just so I can focus on my actual work and with the holidays coming up I’m actually having to get some hours in so that’s cool! I’m making plans on purchasing another camera lens for my setup. Thinking of either getting the Sony G 24-105m or just the Sony 24-240m but I’m probably gonna go ahead and pull the trigger sometime within the next week or so and just get the 24-240 since it basically fits all my needs and I’ll never have to swap out or take the lens off my camera unless of course I have dust or just need a...

Didn't Look Back I get that I’m hard to please and make it even harder for others to get my attention but god damn the moment you walked in with your black dress and high heels that was the night everything changed! You had me doing things I’d never do, got me holding the door, drooling on the floor making things right all for you! I couldn’t even help myself but say please and thank you all because you got my attention! I wanted to talk to you all night long and see what could be!  But I knew I couldn’t fall in love because the way the night was going it was all for show and I couldn’t help but stop myself from wasting your time! It felt as if it was just you and I alone in the middle of the dance floor having a good time thinking nothing of it. But eventually, it all changed as it normally does! We exchanged contact info and I ended up saying goodbye and you did the same just to end up looking at me as if we'd see one another again knowing I'll never have another moment w...

Falling For a Stranger I know that this might seem off but it's whatever because the way we met and just bonded over the smallest shit just felt so right. I got in your car just for you to drive me out of town thinking I'd never look back on it. But here I am looking back on all the times we had and all the things we talked about wishing I could go back to it. I never even got your name til the second time we met which was me pulling up at your place and staying over for the weekend thinking it was meant to last at the time. You took care of me and I took care of you. You let me be myself and didn't care about all the things that happened to me to make me who I am today. You only cared about my mental state of mind and that was the best feeling I ever felt in a long time and probably the only thing I felt at the time, to be honest. Noting felt more calming to me than knowing I had someone who cared about me the way you did. I know I took my time and probably made it look li...

I Have Nothing Left to Say I’m in the process of taking a break from everyone and everything around me so my blog site is currently at a standstill until further notice. I’ll continue to write out ideas about what I want to publish in my notes app but other than that I won’t be publishing anything to the public until I feel 100% comfortable with the post! I’ve realized that I’ve just been publishing and letting things out in the open as a coping mechanism and not much of a thought process behind it! Most of the posts are through unprocessed pain, feelings, and thoughts and it’s just unhealthy! I mean yeah I got my point across and no longer feel any sort of guilt or pain from doing so, but I just need to find another way to let shit be for what it is instead of going to the notes app and letting it out that way! I mean yeah it gives me hella shit to think about and gives me an outlet to explain everything but sometimes shit should just stay hidden and in the shadows! I came to terms wi...

Lost My Interest I’m sure you figured it out by now by all the late replies and avoidance from me that I’m no longer interested in giving you the time of day! It’s nothing that you did or said! It’s just I’m moving on and leaving everything & everyone behind in the past! I’m done dealing with all the shit that’s no good for me! I’m not saying you weren’t good for me I’m just saying the friendship was nothing more than sex and I’m just over it! I’m not into it or care to be only involved / around for sex with you! I just need to let go and be on my own for a while! I’m taking some time away from work and friends to just focus on my own thing! I've been draining myself trying to please everyone around me just to end up hating them at the end of the day and I don’t want to hate you out of all people! I’m just not into anything we talk about or do anymore! I’ve ended the friendship and everyone involved! I’m not mad or upset, I’m just tired and drained! I’m trying my best to regain...

The Devil's Child I just ended your entire life with one click and you can’t do shit about it! I hope that karma gets its way with you and you end up dying in your sleep! I don’t care how they kill you as long as it gets done it’s all good for me! Don’t be coming around looking shocked and scared because I gave you a warning as to what was gonna happen! Thinking I’m the one to play with and not to be taken seriously all because you classified me as your son! Bitch you know damn well that shit doesn’t mean shit to me when you ended up playing with my money and my life! So fuck it I took matters into my own hands and now all I gotta do is sit back and watch! I hope you realize that I was never the son you wanted or really knew! I’m better off on my own and you just got in the way of that so fuck your life! I hope you burn in hell and watch me standing over your burning body as I laugh it off! I can’t help but get violent right now because all this shit is just a game and joke for you...

Just Tell Me How Much You Hate Me I get it you’re the one who made it out alive while I got left behind to die but please don’t leave without telling me how much of a burden I was to you! I just hope one day that I’ll be able to forgive myself for having you walk into my life knowing it was never meant to be! I should’ve been left alone and never had my picture on the internet at such a young age, to begin with! I was given up for a reason and you were just another example of why I needed to be left alone! I wasn’t meant to be in this world but yet still managed to survive all this time! I kept getting sucked into the depths of hell just to look over the edge and see what could’ve been if I had just been left alone! I keep hoping that I’ll face my demons one day so I can have it all end but life won’t allow it!  I keep making my way closer and closer to the gates of hell in my dreams just to get cast aside as if I made a wrong turn or something! I keep wishing that I could have bee...

Taking a Step Back  It’s safe to say I’m done with the whole being out and about making new friends just to feel disposable of! I’m tired of acting nice and fake to people who don’t even know the real me! I’ve wasted so much time and energy on shit that’s not even worth mentioning! I let myself get way too ahead of myself thinking I could be like the others and have a social life just to find out that’ll never be me! I’d rather just stay to myself and be in the unknown! I’m not saying I didn’t have a good time or anything I did but every time I was having fun I’d be under the influence looking for another high every time the first one would run out! It was all about a high for me and feeling stimulated by the substance! It was never about the people, it was just a high I was chasing! Don’t get me wrong meeting new people is cool and all but I’d rather meet the drugs and be on my way! But I guess having people to socialize with here and there isn’t so bad but overall I’d rather just...

I Have Zero Issues with You Hey, so I get that we’ve had our ups and downs but do me a favor and just relax when seeing me! I know I said and did things that I wish I could take back and shit but overall I’m fine with you talking/looking at me or whatever it is you wanna do with me / to me! I just don’t want you to think I hate you! I’m over the shit that went down between us two! I just wish you could recognize the vibe I’m trying to give off and let you see that I’m willing to talk to you if you want! I’ll always be here if you wanna reach out or simply just make small talk. I don’t care what it is I just wish you’d drop the image of me hating you / not wanting to be associated with you!  Yeah, I can only talk and be around you when I’m semi-drunk (had a few shots here and there) but overall I can hold a conversation with you if you were to come and talk to me! Because the way I see it, you’re a good friend I used to have and I messed up and I wish I hadn’t! So if anyone needs to...

Nah It's Cool I’m just done with you, it, and everything involved! I don’t know what made you become so hateful and disrespectful towards me when all we were doing was talking. You acted as if I was in the wrong when you were the one keeping contact with me knowing I didn’t care to get involved! I was just there making sure you were good and well and what did you need up doing?  You ended up trashing me into the dirt and honestly, I’m not okay with that! You were the last person I expected to do me the way you chose to and I’m high-key annoyed about it! But you know it’s cool! You did you, I did me everything is fine and I’m moving on! No hard feelings since my feelings were never in the mix to begin with!  I’m upset you chose to text me the way you did knowing I really cared about your well-being and was there for you through your ups & downs! But now I can see that was just for show to see what I would do and I did the right thing by being there and putting my time into ...

I Did My Best Just to End Up Losing You I wish you would have understood that it was never about wanting you back it was only about making things right and seeing where things could go and be for us! I never saw you as a competition or any sort of threat! But you ended up fighting and breaking the trust I tried so hard to keep intact that it just wasn’t worth my time being around you anymore! I left and didn’t look back due to me knowing it wouldn’t have made any sort of difference. So that’s all for now because the way you came and fucked my life up I can never forgive you! But I will forgive you for the pain you caused! I knew that pain was just going to be something I’d have to learn from and knowing me if there’s no growth and knowledge then what’s the point in it all? I let you fuck it all up for me just to make you out to be somebody I would never look at the same way ever again!  I wanted to go all in with you but you just ended up fucking up my life for the worst and I had ...

You Didn't Care I could tell that shit was done from the moment you started acting shady with every move you made! But I sat back and watched as you moved the way you did for months just to gather all the facts and hand it back to you so you could see that I’m not as slow as you might have thought I was! I might have played my part but you chose to think it was the real me when in all honesty I was just putting on a front for you so you wouldn’t think anything of it! I did my best to match your energy just to find out your energy levels were so damn low compared to mine. I never cared to be involved in your doings because I saw no point in it because everyone around me would just tell me the shit that went on with you anyways. It was all too easy sitting back and getting all the facts! Shit if I got paid for just sitting back and watching it all unfold I’d be set for life! It’s just funny how you really thought you could be out and about doing you thinking I wouldn’t find out. But ...

Finding My Way Back I know I took some time to be alone and away from others especially you when all I wanted was to be next to you! I let myself go and left you in the middle of the night thinking it would help my sanity only to realize you’re all I want and nothing could compare! I found a way out thinking it was done but I was still hurting from all the pain and damage that had happened between us two! I tried my best to ignore it as if it was never a thing and got side track of why it ever happened! I made excuses after excuses saving myself from all the trauma and lies you spoke of! I lost my mind thinking I could end my life to help you in the end but finally saw that it was never that deep of a situation. You only made it seem that way because you wanted me around knowing I never asked to be involved with you! I was losing my cool and happiness day by day just by looking at you. I wanted to hate you so bad for everything you put me through but decided not to because I wasn’t sur...

Looking Back on It Not even sure where to start other than to just do the best I can to get to the point. You left me to die thinking things would be better for you only to forget that the demons will always lurk around you no matter the time or distance. So for you to treat me the way that you did I hope the karma that has entered your life does the worst to you! I’m simply chilling and doing my best to let shit be but for you, I can see that it’s taking a toll on your health and for that, I can’t relate or feel any sort of sadness to it! You chose to do the thing you thought was right only to find out it would come to haunt you in the end! You wanted the freedom and time to do your own thing but forgot one key factor about how karma takes its revenge on everyone and everything when it’s time! So for you to just cast me out the way that you did and made me be the bad guy for no reason when all I did was be myself I hope you see how fucked life can really get. I hope you learn your les...

It's Just the Way It Is A lot of things are just meant to be untouched and simply left alone. So why would you bother with the need to disturb me for your own amusement? Seems like someone didn’t get enough attention as a kid so they gotta make up for it by acting out and disturbing others at their peace. This is understandable if you’re looking for a way to reconnect and recover what was never given to you but god damn do it to someone else! I don’t have the time for childish games! It’s such a waste of time to even be around you. I don’t know why you chose me out of all the people! I rarely communicate or acknowledge others, to begin with. So for you to act out and get in my way just to be a clown and looked down on it’s highly concerning for me! I wouldn’t hate on you or care to give you the satisfaction because I’m not sure what’s up your ass nor do I know if it’s just a mental illness that you’ve got where you have to be attention-seeking everywhere you go! But whatever it is ...

Ended Up Hiding the Pain Away I did my best to act normal as much as possible but behind closed doors, I ended up falling apart not knowing if I’d make it out or not! I used my time and energy to act so damn fine just to be drained by the truth knowing it was all a masquerade. I didn’t care for others to know about what was happening or going on with me! I kept quiet and sat back while observing. I didn’t speak or ask for help from anyone other than myself. I never thought about reaching out to those closest to me because I wasn’t sure if I could trust them with my current situation that I was in and dealing with at the time! I got so damn lonely cutting everyone out while the pain and trauma consumed me throughout the months! I never cared to open up or express any sort of distress that I was going through! I thought things would have just passed over like they always do but not back then! I let it get the best of me and it turned into something I wasn’t capable of controlling and los...