Blog Post 237
Lost My Interest
I’m sure you figured it out by now by all the late replies and avoidance from me that I’m no longer interested in giving you the time of day! It’s nothing that you did or said! It’s just I’m moving on and leaving everything & everyone behind in the past! I’m done dealing with all the shit that’s no good for me! I’m not saying you weren’t good for me I’m just saying the friendship was nothing more than sex and I’m just over it! I’m not into it or care to be only involved / around for sex with you! I just need to let go and be on my own for a while! I’m taking some time away from work and friends to just focus on my own thing! I've been draining myself trying to please everyone around me just to end up hating them at the end of the day and I don’t want to hate you out of all people! I’m just not into anything we talk about or do anymore! I’ve ended the friendship and everyone involved!
I’m not mad or upset, I’m just tired and drained! I’m trying my best to regain my energy but it’s hard when I’m focusing on making sure others around me are good and well when I’m lowkey suffocating myself in the mix of it all! I just want a way out from all the shit that’s been going on! I don’t care if you call or text me, I’ll respond but it won’t be face-to-face or anything in that area ever again! I no longer wish to be seen or communicate with anyone in public or in private! I just wanna avoid everyone and all my surroundings until I get an idea of what it is I want and need to do! I’m not trying to be drained from the smallest inconvenience when it comes to others and their b.s! I just wanna be free and alone! I don’t wish to be known or around others as of right now! I just wanna be invisible and uninvited from everything around me!
I guess part of me finally had some time to figure out some shit and I’m starting to realize I don’t need anyone around me! The less the better! I fall behind every time someone new comes into my life because I’m wasting my time and energy trying to get a read on them when the quickest solution is to just let them be and cut all ties with them! There’s no point in getting to know you or anyone else because I don’t find y’all useful, to begin with, so my time is already being put to good use just by avoiding you! You may have a use for me but I can’t think of a single thing I would need you for so please just walk away and forget I ever existed because you will never be a friend of mine! You’ll have better luck being an enemy of mine but that’s about it, and that’s just me being honest & straightforward with it! There’s no need to sugar this shit when you should already know this!
I just wanna be me and not depend on anyone or care to be involved in anyone else’s life. I’m tired of being in other people's lives. It’s too much for me and I’m already low on socializing so the more I cut off the better I am! I really just wanna stop caring and worrying about others and just focus on the things that matter to me and actually make me happy and not just because it’s the norm or part of life! I just wanna do me from now and if you can’t accept that then you should just go ahead and leave because I’m not changing my mind about my doings! It’s already set and stone so it’s up to you if you want to stay or not because I’ve got no say in it other than you better not be preventing me from doing things my way!
It’s just annoying for me to have to spend time with someone and watch them leave out of the blue knowing it was because I didn’t let them see the real me and didn’t care to open up because I wasn’t trying to seem vulnerable and always in pain in front of them! That’s why I let people come and go as they please because it’s out of my hands what they do and say once they leave! I’m not the one to try and stop them! I’m the type to erase and forget once they leave! It’s the perks of having zero feelings! I can always just let go without a second thought and be fine! Now when they try and step back in that’s where I draw the line because why would you come back knowing you chose to walk out in the first place? My feelings and emotions are still the same as before, nothing has changed but the time and place! So please just stay out if you decided to leave! I don’t do the whole back-and-forth shit!