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Showing posts from December, 2022

Blog Post 256

Shutting Down So I've been quiet and out the way with just about everyone and for some reason they've been asking way too many questions about my well being. I wish they would all just stop and go about there own damn life instead of keeping tabs on mine and asking why I'm so quiet all of the sudden and why all the sudden changes to my personality and feelings. I hate having to explain shit to others because I feel like it's just a waste of time but also it's just not going to register with them. I like the isolating feeling and not having to depend on others for my own happiness and amusement. I like peace and out of the way doings.  I don't care to be around anyone at work let alone enjoy going to work anymore. I'm starting to arrive late and leaving early because I feel like my time is served better somewhere else. Not saying I hate my job, I'm just saying that I no longer care about it like how I used to. I've been thinking of pulling the trigger...

Blog Post 255

I Wanted to Be There For You I know I took some time off and away from your life and tried my best to move on from ever knowing you! But in all honesty, I thought of you every night before going to bed wishing things could’ve worked out between the two of us for the better! I hate knowing that you & I didn’t work out, even though the math made sense at the time! But I guess it was just the season that made it seem so real and right! I never expected things to go back to how they were so quickly and basically just let it all end the way that it did! I thought by letting it be just a seasonal thing that it would all make sense to me but it just made me realize how much I wanted you around! I hated the look in your eyes knowing I could never make my feelings known about the way I truly felt toward you! I wanted to make things easy for you but it just never felt like the right time! I promised myself to keep away and at a distance so I didn’t cause any harm or be a bother in your life!...

Blog Post 254

I Never Cared to Love Anyone Else Where do I begin other than the fact that I had to get used to the pain that others brought upon me! I got to a point where that’s all I ever wanted and only knew to exist that I became numb to any other feeling that was making its way to me! I didn’t care for love or being liked by others at that time! I was just simply drowning myself in the hatred and suffocating thoughts of never being good enough for you!  I ended up going into a state of mind where nothing I did mattered and it would simply just go unnoticed! So I did what I wanted without a second guess but when it came to you I had begun to overthink my every decision before I made it! I wanted to be the good guy for once but it’s hard when you’re surrounded in a room full of judgmental people who only know you for the bad and only talk about the bad! I had to find a way out of that environment but the only way out was with you and I just wasn’t in the right head space to commit to you!...

Blog Post 253

You Were Just Too Good for Me It's crazy how we went from being strangers to friends and back to strangers as if the things we did and talked about meant nothing to one another. I thought by just letting things be casual and easy flowing with no strings attached that the feelings were just going to remain irrelevant for the time being. But I was wrong and I wish I had known sooner that you felt towards me was more than I had realized and I apologize for not seeing the signs sooner.  I never meant to have you think I was leading you on or making it seem like I wanted more than what we already had/were. I thought that by being able to open up and letting you be close by that the friendship would be easier for the both of us but little did I know you were making it out to be something more than I had hoped. I didn't mean for it to look like I was leading you on or make it seem like you weren't worthy of my time. I just get lost when it comes to having people see me as more tha...

Blog Post 252

It No Longer Exist I understand that certain situations can't be controlled or dealt with in a timely manner. But the ones that can don't really pertain to me anymore. I've got people to handle that shit for me. Yeah they might need details and examples of what's to come but overall I trust them to handle it and have it be done and not be a bother to me. Things come and go but I choose to ignore it at all cost. I'm done with having things exist / be easy access for me. If anything everything that was once easy access for me is no longer a given to me. It's either in the hands of someone else or simply just gone now. I don't care to seek out anything or anyone anymore. I'm staying calm and letting things come to me when they want and keeping out the way with just about everything that's been going on lately. I don't know when I'll be able to fully reconnect with everyone I once knew but for now I'm taking it easy and enjoying the solitude ...

Blog Post 251

Fuck the Favors It's not that I'm upset or angry at anyone or the things around me, I'm just done dealing with it all. I have zero motivation to be doing all the things I used to do. I don't care to talk or socialize just for the heck of it. I’d rather be isolated and away from others and just keep to myself without having to get in the way of others and the things they do. I don't care to hear what's on your mind or anything relating to your personal life. I just need you to do you and keep your distance from me because I promise you I won't hesitate to tell you to fuck off the moment you approach me. I'm done being associated with those I once was. I don't care to keep tabs or care to see how anyone is doing because at this point it's none of my business. It's their life not mine so why bother being in their business for? It doesn't concern me or benefit me in any way so I just don't care to even talk to them. I've been finding ...