Blog Post 255
I Wanted to Be There For You
I know I took some time off and away from your life and tried my best to move on from ever knowing you! But in all honesty, I thought of you every night before going to bed wishing things could’ve worked out between the two of us for the better! I hate knowing that you & I didn’t work out, even though the math made sense at the time! But I guess it was just the season that made it seem so real and right! I never expected things to go back to how they were so quickly and basically just let it all end the way that it did!
I thought by letting it be just a seasonal thing that it would all make sense to me but it just made me realize how much I wanted you around! I hated the look in your eyes knowing I could never make my feelings known about the way I truly felt toward you! I wanted to make things easy for you but it just never felt like the right time! I promised myself to keep away and at a distance so I didn’t cause any harm or be a bother in your life! I heard you were asking about me a few times after my slight appearances here and there but it still wasn’t enough to make me react or come clean about the way I felt!
I felt like suffering in silence was the best decision so nobody would get hurt or just be involved in the situation! I wanted to avoid all the drama and conflict that came with the recent altercation but even then that didn’t seem to stop others from asking questions about the two of us! I was making things be as fine as they could but I guess word got out and things just ended up turning out to be something more than they should’ve been/had been! It could have been easily avoided if people had just respected our boundaries and personal doings but they didn’t so shit ended up escalating quicker than we expected!
At the end of the day I kept telling those around me it’s all love and nothing more, nothing less! It’s just certain things shouldn’t have happened but had and we can only learn and grow from it all! I chose to sit back and watch it all unfold while others chose to just add more fuel to the fire! I let things be however others saw fit but I never let it get to the point where they started disrespecting that person in my face cause who the hell are you to tell me that person is this and that when you didn’t even know them the way that I did? They only showed a percentage of themselves and made you believe in what they wanted you to while I got the real version of them! People stay assuming shit about others and their life as if they’re in their shoes making the moves for them and it’s just so annoying!
They could’ve been the best thing that’s ever to step foot in my life and people will still choose to drag the living dog shit out of them all because of one mistake that was easily fixable! I get that people want me to be happy and want the best for me and tell me to avoid this and that but for fuck sake can I test the waters first before y’all make me wanna drown myself in what could’ve been a match made in heaven?! I don’t understand why being involved in someone’s love life is such a big deal for others. I’m already a very private and unbothered person so what exactly do you have to gain from me? Just read the room and go from there! Stop making shit out of thin air and just ask the following questions on your mind before making a fool out of yourself thinking you’ve got the upper hand / making the situation any better!
I understand this person and I will never see eye to eye on anything as long as we shall live but as long as I see them here and there I’m happy! I don’t care to be in their business and I don’t care if they’re in or out of mine! As long as they’re happy that’s all that matters! I’m not trying to go behind their back and start shit when it’s just going to be a waste of time and the last thing I wanna do is waste their time! I just think the only thing they’re good for is the memories that we once made together! It’s nice going back and reminiscing about all the good that came with them and the fun I had being around / with them! I don’t know why people only care for the bad doings when the only bad thing that ever happened was me stepping foot into their life not knowing I’d be the mistake in the end!