Blog Post 257

There's Nothing Left to Feel

I had you figured out from the jump just to get abused and enjoy the pain that you had brought with you. I had no say in the shit that went down because at the time I only cared about the pain and didn't bother letting go of what we had even though all the signs were clear to me. It wasn't out of pity or love for the things I did it was just so I could drain all the things I was feeling and begin to feel nothing after you. I wanted to make things work but only for temporary purposes. I saw no use for you other than draining me of everything I had to offer. I had no say or cared to give my opinion on the things that were happening. I wanted to just make you happy and if that meant having you destroy me, then so be it. I did all I could to make it work but I can see that it wasn't enough.

I held on to all of the trauma you put me through so I could recap on why you're no good for me just in case a time ever came around when you'd want to make things right knowing I'm not here to make shit right with anyone but my demons. I let things be for what they are and dip. I don't care to stick around and bother with the bullshit that someone has caused. I'd rather see them burn like the feelings I once had! got too many people saying shit to me that they don't mean so my guard is always up no matter the person. Got people reaching out just to get ignored because I'm not someone you go to for help knowing it's out of my control what happens to you and the situation that you had caused for yourself. I've got no say in anything but get the fuck out of my life.

I've got too many things being talked about to me to give my two cents knowing it's got no purpose what's so ever. I'd rather let them figure it out for themselves and leave them be. I don't care to be around or near people who seem to need me. I'm better off alone and in the void rather than being with someone who switches on people like a light switch. I've got no need for confrontation knowing my anger issues still haven't been at rest since my last situation ended. I got a lot on my mind but overall there's no need for the things I think about to be out in the public eye and just floating around in general. I feel like my presence is no longer needed so why do I have to bother being around those who need me? Go find someone else to fuck up and leave me to die as I had planned.

I got people around me playing mind games just to tell me I'm acting different when they're the ones who don't even know themselves. People be moving weirdly and acting like everything's all good and shit knowing damn well I'm bout to drop their ass and let them figure it out on their own. I don't like people who play the nice guy knowing damn well I can see right through their web of lies. Just makes it twice as easy to give them the side eye and forget about their existence. I don't know why but I'm way too quick to read/observe someone and find out what their motives are and most of the time it's nothing to be around/tolerate. So I tell them how it is and they can either bitch or go find someone else to manipulate and play mind games with cause I'm the last one you should be bothering with.