Blog Post 258

Keeping My Distance

Been feeling like I've lost all control when it comes to you, so I ended up keeping low and out the way. I didn't feel like my presence was necessary for you. I was doubting myself thinking I wasn't a good fit for you and your needs so I dipped like a ghost and never looked back. I wish I could have explained myself on why I chose to do the things I did but it just felt like it was a waste of time and if anything I've already wasted enough of your time just by looking at you. So let's just call it for what is and move on. 

We can make things last for a night or two but anything after that it just seems like it's being forced and theirs not much else to go on other than the sex, which is fine but it's not what I'm looking for or really care to have. It just feels like we're doing shit to do it only because we have nothing better to do when in reality all I want to do is be at peace with my own self but it keeps backfiring because you keep wanting to intervene and stir up shit that has nothing to do with me. I get that you might wanna communicate and talk about certain things that happened but what's the use if I'm just going to get bored and drained by all the small talking that you put me through. I'd rather just sit in silence and watch. I see no use in giving my opinion when you're just going to get upset with me.

Yeah, I'll end up agreeing and disagreeing on this and that but you tend to take it a step too far and make me out to be the bad guy. Which is fine I don't mind it if it helps you process your thoughts and life doings, but don't make it out to be all my fault. I hardly ever do or say anything to you unless it's planned or worth my time. It just feels like I'm doing 100mph in a 10mph zone when I'm with you. You tend to become unpredictable at times and then other times you become too predictable that it makes you sick that I'm already three steps ahead of you. But I guess that's the price we pay when we care about someone. So if it's the price we’re paying then I'm down to give it my all if it's with you.

Just gotta ask yourself if this is what you want or if this is what you're being told to have cause there's two different sides to every outcome that you take and I would hate for you to make the wrong decision. So please just be real with yourself and stop making things about others cause you're going to lose it all if you keep going after something that has no intentions of being good to you. So trust the process and go with what you feel is right because I can see it in your eyes that this isn't something that you want. So you're just forcing it to make it look like it's something you enjoy when we both know that it's not. So call it what it is and move on. Stop holding on to those you don't really care about, because you only cared about them because they showed you the bare minimum of attention so do me a favor and go after something that's actually worth it and doesn't make you fake your happiness!!