Blog Post 265

I'm Just Confused

I guess it’s whatever at this point because I don't think us being together is an option anymore. I just don’t understand why I’m being treated like this!! I don’t know who I am or what it is u want me to be for you! I thought we were good and no bullshit was needed but I guess I was wrong! U lie u cheat! It’s all been done before! But you went and played along as if it didn’t matter to me when you meant everything to me! You hurt me in ways that I don’t care to talk about bc I know u won’t care! I go silent at my worst moments bc I’m scared of losing u! I try to distance myself but u take it as a joke! I say one thing but u end up saying another! I can’t tell if it’s me and you or if it's me against the rest of your exes and side hoes! I don’t wanna ever feel like I’m being played or in a competition to see who’s better bc I always have low self-esteem and, to be honest, I say just let them have y for whoever they are / might be! I don’t care to play this game and I wouldn’t have had to if u were just straight and up and honest with me.

I hate knowing I stuck around this long! I thought things would’ve been done and over with but I guess we’re still stuck on phase one. I don’t wish to bother you anymore! I’ll just slowly start distancing myself and forgetting about everything we once had and talked about / planned! I don’t wanna know anything about you anymore bc I got two different versions of u and the third one was all in my head of what I wanted u to be! I never thought I’d be saying this but god damn it’s gotta be said! I wanna break up and cut all ties! I don’t know why but I just think it’s best for us! We’re not meant for one another! I’m clearly meant to be alone! But I know it’s gonna kill me once I cut all ties with you bc I got so deep and involved with you that I fell harder than I’ve ever fallen before and it sucks I gotta watch it all die out!

I don’t understand whose idea it was to have you walk into my life but I must say thank you bc I now know for a fact that you’re the one I need and will always go to for everything I need! I don’t care to look at others / talk to others! I only want u and only you! I know none of this is making sense but it’s just the way I process everything! I wish things were a bit different but only time can tell what goes on from here on out! I still wish to continue everything we have between us but I just need the lies to stop and the truth to just be out in the open! Let me know how you are, what you’re thinking, and who flirts/sends xxx stuff to you! I just wanna know everything that involves us!

I’m just annoyed that it feels like you’ve been lying to me these past few days and maybe that’s why we’ve been arguing so much! I don’t know why it’s gotta be kept secret on what you do and who you do with just let me fucking know so I can move on with my own life and not be bothered by you and your cheating ways! I have zero motivation to be dealing with someone who cheats! I guess you’re just wanting me for the ride but to tell you the truth I’ve hated this ride along for a while now! So just let me out already so I can find my way back home and be alone!