Blog Post 268
Breaking Hearts is All I Know
I guess it’s true about what they say! But I had to go and learn the hard way! I thought I was ready for it all but it looks like it’s just not meant for me! I wanted to look the other way and prove them wrong but turns out it’s just not that easy! I thought I could make things work and make things right but turns out that’s just not what I’m for! I thought I could love and care for someone but all I did was end up hurting them and I hated every minute of it! Knowing I couldn’t stop myself from doing all the harm I caused unless I walked away! I thought if I just gave it my all that things would change but they just kept on getting worse and for what I don’t know! All I know is that I’m damaged goods and not meant for anyone to love! So I do what I want with my finger to the sky and just let it all come crashing down!
I held my head up high for so long just to feel dead inside! I thought if I took things slow and steady that things would fall into place but turns out they just kept getting worse and worse day by day! So I let things be for what they are without even batting an eye towards it anymore! I feel like all my wrongs are out on display for the whole world to see anyways so what more do I have to lose other than my sanity which seems to be dying pretty fast from what I can see? I have zero motivation behind anything I do nowadays so it’s just easier to sit back and watch it all unfold! I don’t care to argue and back up my feelings for what I thought was right when I’m reality none of it matters to me anymore! It’s just easier to let go and watch it burn all to ashes! I do not need half the things that are happening to me! I’m slowly dying and I’m not even worried about it anymore!
I used to think that I had enemies of my own but turns out the only enemy I ever had was within myself! Everybody else was just trying to save me from the evil within myself and I didn’t realize it until it finally hit me one night that even though I have nobody to go to or talk to anymore I still feel hatred and feel the need to be numb! I don’t understand why I have to be this way or why I am the way I am in general but I’m just glad it’s finally coming to an end! I’m not sure how much longer I keep this up! I feel like everyone that’s around me sees me changing into something that’s not me!
I’m not saying I like the other version of myself but god damn it feels good to be the bad guy for a change! I'm not worried about this or that and having to overthink my every move when it comes to hurting those I see no point in saving! I love the idea of minding my own business and letting those around me suffer! I have no time to help those in need when in reality people in general just can’t be saved! I tried saving someone once and it didn’t mean shit to them in the end! They still came out to be the bad guy and put all the blame on me making me out to hurt them when that was never my intention! I let them do all the things they needed to get it out of their system just to fall back and see them for what they were! I never saw the need to help another person ever again after that! I cut ties with just about everyone because I knew there was no need for my existence after them!
They showed me where and what I needed to be in my life and I’m going to just take their advice and call it what it is! I don’t wanna second guess it because there’s just no point in it! I wanna do everything I can to prove to them I’m better off alone but at the same time, I can love the ones I care about and will always be there for the ones that need my help! I don’t care to act like they don’t matter when just about everyone I meet matters to me! I love everyone that gives me a chance to prove myself! I’m not risking some bullshit argument