Blog Post 278

I'm the Problem

I get it I’ll never be the guy you want or need? I get that I’ll never have a chance to do anything right or worth your time! I fucking get it! If I could just end my shit I would but I keep thinking I need to be here to make things right but there’s no longer any use on making things right! I’m getting casted to the side and treated as if I mean nothing and end up getting ignored when I don’t even reach out and make the jump to try and make things right!

I guess everything I do is simply just not good enough or worth your time anymore! I’m starting to feel less and less of myself than anything! I can’t help but think nothing I say or do will make you happy anymore or make you wanna fight for what we have! I can’t help but just erase you and everything we once had out of my life and find someone new! And as much as it hurts telling myself you don’t matter and all of this was just trial in error from the jump I can’t help but stay and try and make things work even though I know you’re done and wanting to move on from me! 

I said some shitty things in the mist of it all due to my anger and frustration but never did I mean for it to have things end between the two of us! But I guess our time has come and I just need to let you go and as much as it hurts knowing I gotta let you go it’s the only thing left that’ll make things better for us! I keep telling myself lies that things are good and things are better now but you come back around and bring up all the bad and I just sit there trying to numb it all out! I hate all the bad that we go through but at the same time I don’t even remember half the things that happen to me and the things going on around me! I’m so focused on just trying be positive but it’s getting to the point where nothing feels real to me anymore! It just feels like our relationship is stuck on replay but the replay is stuck on the bad and not pushing forward! So I’m having to constantly feel like I’m reliving the bad and not moving on with my own life!

I’d be lying if I said I wanted to continue what we have but we both know that’s this is where it should end! Cause I don’t see any point of doing this and keeping what we have alive anymore! It feels like one draining day after another! We haven’t laughed or stopped arguing in weeks and it’s just something tiring at this point! Like let’s just be real and call it off and move on from one another! Love is clearly just a disguise and it’s fooling the both of us!  So please let’s just be real and go our so called separate ways!