Blog Post 281

Maybe I’m Just Too Independent

I’ve been feeling lost with all these thoughts I’ve been left with due to the fact that we no longer see one another and granted we talk and everything. But it just feels like something’s off or something is missing and I don’t have the answers as to what it could be but I just wish these thoughts I have would go away. When we were on the phone last night you brought up how we just talk to one another as if we were just friends when we’re more than that but maybe it’s because I’m slowly slipping away from the emotional and happy self to the antisocial and non verbal way. I guess I’m just slowly seeing things for what they are and can’t really grasp the concept of it so I’m feeling lost and lonely just so I wouldn’t be involved in it.

I’ve been feeling like everything that needs to be done and should be done is a one man task so I don’t bother asking for help or bother going out my way to make things known to others just because they’ll probably end up saying no or start asking questions as to why? Like I got a case for the iPad that my job gave me for free and said here you go and I was really excited about it because it’s got a keyboard and they told me that it was too much money but I only got it because it was everything I needed and it was durable enough to where I wouldn’t have to worry about it getting a crack/breaking. But I guess they’re viewing it from a financial point of view which is great that they’re thinking like that but for someone like me who makes twice as much as the case was in just a few hours I really didn’t see what the issue was. But that’s just me being me because of how my funds are set up. So it’s easy for me to just get something I need and not have to worry about the possibilities of what’s next to be charged/taken out of my account when quite literally its just money being put into my account instead of being taken out.

It’s basically just me being free from worrying about this and that (money) when I’m making enough money to put aside and just not have to worry about anything else until I get the new car and from there I can worry about what’s next to come but right now I’m doing pretty good in life and just chilling but also maintaining a proper work schedule and lifestyle of not being a shopaholic. I primarily buy like one or two things for myself every few months just because I enjoy seeing my money grow and simply seeing commas on the screen. I’ve got friends telling me I should do this and that with my money but none of those are any good suggestions because why would I wanna worry about living paycheck to paycheck when all my bills and rent are paid for and I don’t have to stress about how I’m going to pay them. My job literally pays my bills + rent in just a week so those other 3 weeks of the month I’m just saving that money  and letting it grow. I don’t bother touching it or moving it.

I basically have three things that my money is being used for. The first one is rent and bills. The second one is savings and the third one is for food, and whatever I feel like buying such as clothes and electronics. I’m not really the type to budget anything due to the fact I basically just give myself an allowance from my trust fund and go from there. It’s not like I need to give myself an allowance but at the same time it helps me manage my money and not be stupid with it. It gives me a sense of stability if that makes sense. As long as my checks deposits and everything such as bills and rent are paid on the first of the month I’m good and happy. I don’t need to have sit down talks about this and that when my bank records literally show everything and how much is where and what that money is doing.

I’d appreciate it if people close to me would just get back to being there old selfs and not be so fixated on my shopping habits cause honestly they’re almost nonexistence until the end of the month comes around because that’s when I primarily do my monthly recap and figure out what’s been spent and saved but after that it’s back to the drawing board on where to move my money and how to make it grow and what to do with the rest. Like I thought about moving out to somewhere a bit nicer but then I thought about all the money I wouldn’t be able to save so that made me stop looking and thinking about moving out because why would I waste an additional $1,200-$1,500 a month a place that has less square footage than the place I’m currently living in. It doesn’t make sense. Yeah I’d be closer to work but at what cost? Seems like a scam to me plus the benefits just wouldn’t be suitable for me and what I have going on in my life.