Blog Post 283

Honestly Just Get the Fuck Out

I can't believe I wasted my time on you the way that I did. You never saw me for me and that's okay because I stopped being myself  5 months into our so called relationship. Even though I was kept a secret and could only be talked to when you were alone and out of the house. I lost my job because of all the fights we were having and I just couldn't take it anymore. I lost control and let the outcome take it's place. Luckily I got blessed with another job that has a much better pay a few days later and you had a problem with it which didn't make sense to me because I'm the one who has to pay bills and rent while you only have to pay for your car note because you live at home with your parents. Maybe get the fuck off your lazy ass and actually be an adult for once and go do some adult things other than having sex with complete strangers just to make yourself feel better.

You talked shit about me behind my back and were never there to defend my name when it was brought up even though every time I brought you up and someone had something negative to say I would be right there to shut them the fuck up and give them the facts as to why it happened. But no not for me. For when it came to me being shitted on you agreed to it all. I know I said a lot of shitty things but come on what do expect me to do when I'm constantly being compared to an ex that was abusive and manipulative. That's like far from me. I may have anger issues that come out nowhere but me being physically abusive to the one I'm supposed love will never be me. I always tend to take the high road and just forget about shit. But you wanna be the one to kick me down and bring up all the shitty things that have happened to me and use that against me.

I'll never forgive myself for allowing myself to beg for someone's attention just to get shitted on. So fuck you and the life you live. I know I can't really say what's on my mind and how I'm truly feeling but just know if I did the whole world might just kill me. But hey it's how I feel and I'm not going to keep my life and feelings a secret even though that's all you ever did when it came to me and it fucking hurt when everyone around me knew exactly who you were and what we were. But I can see now that's all over and I need to live my life and just go back to being happy without you in my life. I don't wish to know about the shit you do and if you happen to see this then just know I don't care about you or the shit you do anymore, so go find a job and find something that can get your stupid little so called "pranks" under control or simply just stop you from doing them, because nothing about those so called "pranks" was funny. It hurt me every time but I just laughed it off and just told myself oh that's just you being you lol.. and walked it off.

I no longer wish to let you know anything about me. You clearly have everything you need to know about me and that's good enough with me because I act accordingly and whatever you have on me I hope you take it to your grave cause that's all you're ever going to get. You're nothing more than another life lesson that needs to be corrected. I'm tired of being let down and so called being pranked with lies knowing damn well you were doing everything you were telling me you weren't doing. I would ask you multiple times about it just to find out for myself and that's what hurt the most. I thought what we had was good but you showed me otherwise and that I'll never forgive you for.

I hope when you're all alone that you think of me and know I'm doing better off without you even though I did my best to help you out of the hell hole you were in. I tried to put my feelings to the side for you and make sure you were happy and well before everything else. I did everything I could to keep us together but something clicked inside of me and I realized you're nothing more than just a name in my phone that has no meaning to me whatsoever. So please get rid of me completely from your life and talk all that shit you wanna talk but just no I'll be doing better now that you're gone and I can focus on what's really important (the money and freedom from you).

Please get yourself in check and if being a hoe is all you're good at being then please for the love of god seek professional help because what the actual hell is wrong with you? I guess I could name all the things wrong with you but then I'll be overstepping because I'm no therapist. I'm just glad I finally came to my senses and dropped your ass off like trash. Cause I'm no longer wanting to cry over somebody that doesn't even see the hurt they're causing. So fuck you for making me think loving you was worth it. I'm so done giving it my all to shitty ass people and those who are jealous of others success and freedom. Like you're mad at me for having and job and being fully independent and having a mother who sees the bad in others when I all did was ignore the bad in you just so I could love you and that was my mistake.