Blog Post 297
Tired of It All
I just wanna go ahead talk my shit and dip. I’m tired of pretending things are fine and having to fake it like I’m okay with people being around me when I’m simply starting to hate everyone around me. I’m at certain stage in life where I just wanna go back to being in the numbing state and out of sight and out of mind. I’m bored of being out and having to do things with others when I simply just wanna sleep and not worry about this and that. My phone at this point is basically an iPod the way I ignore all calls and delete all the text that I get so I don’t have to respond to anything. I miss the feeling of being unwanted and alone high key. I miss the thought of just being to myself and not having to make others happy. I miss the loneliness I guess. I’ve been way too friendly and social lately and its too much to process for me right now. I started to catch myself people pleasing and I had to take a step back because I knew if I didn’t then I would soon just get hurt and I could only blame myself and I told myself I would stop blaming myself.
I went from having 20 contacts to 100 back down to 53 simply because I felt like having that many contacts in a phone was just unnecessary and I ended up blocking half of those numbers because high key I never really cared about those people. I just ended up talking to them because I met them while I was out and just making something out of nothing only to go back to having it be nothing, Because who are we kidding with me actually being friends with other people out the blue, like be so for real. I don’t make calls and I hate texting people nowadays just to be left on delivered and or on seen. Like let me just not bother with your existence how bout that? Seems a lot easier than feeling like I don’t matter / exist. Which in theory I get low key since I do make it very obvious that I don’t wanna be bothered / let alone be known to others and it’s not like I have opps or whatever the fuck.
I simply just hate people being all up in business. I went and made all my account private and deleted / removed people off my accounts because why the fuck you even on my shit for? Like I don’t even talk to you let alone live in the same city as you. Like get the fuck out my shit and you complaining about not being able to comment on my post is fucking wild. Like why the fuck would I allow someone to comment on my shit / regular post to begin with? Like I’ve had my comments turned off since I started posting on my new accounts and it’s gonna stay that way because what I do on my accounts has nothing to do with you, and I could go all into why I’m so strict with what I post and do on my socials but I’ve already got that posted somewhere on here. But overall only 1 person really ever knows what’s really happening behind the scenes and they keep it under wraps because why would it be anyone else’s business as to why I’m making such big changes in my real life and online world? Like I swear people want all the details when simply the only thing I can say is I’m simply just tired of it and I don’t care to be associated with it anymore.
So please just respect my wishes and doing as I fall of the face of earth for a bit until I feel like it’s safe again for me to exist. I feel like the shitty things that have happened lately is a clear sign for me to just stop doing the thing I have been and just lay low. I don’t care if you see me out and about but don’t approach me because I promise you I will not give a fuck about your existence and what you have going on. I will walk right past you and go about my day as I always do. Basically everyone can simply just fuck off for all I care. I feel like I’m going back into a different state of mind and I just wanna make it clear that I do not know which state of mind I’ll be in but I don’t think its the one that’ll make you laugh and giggle. So please from the hells of depth please leave me the fuck alone from here on out or until I say otherwise. Thanks!