Blog Post 314

Feelings Were Right, But the Timing Wasn't

Hey, I read your text and I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for being clingy. I don't know why or how I was being clingy but I guess I'll go and work on not being so attached and clingy to someone. I'll stand clear and not talk unless spoken to or asked a question. I'll stop putting in the effort to make someone smile and stop asking about how they're feeling and how their day was and if they need anything. I'll stop caring and let them feel like someone I'm annoyed with. I'll do all the opposites of what's right and maybe then I'll stop being looked at as clingy.

I'll do my best to stop reaching out and checking up on them. I'll ignore all the physical touch and lovey-dovey shit because clearly, they hate that. I'll ignore their text and make it seem like I'm busy when I'm really not. I'll basically treat them as nothing and maybe then they'll see me for something I'm not and ask why I'm doing all these things just to reply back with because I don't want to be clingy / let alone show any sort of affection because all it does is have people leave. So what better way to keep someone around than to not show any sort of interest, because clearly, that's what I was told to do from the looks of your text.

I'm tired of a lot of things and now that there's this thing about me being so-called clingy when all I did was show you how much I cared I guess I'll never show that side of me ever again. Fuck that! If you wanna be treated like shit then okay but don't come asking me why I'm doing all the wrongs when I was doing all the rights before. You see what I'm trying to put down? You want me to be this and that only to be upset with me when I start acting how you want me to only to realize that me being nonchalant and uncaring is a whole different person and you can't handle that side of me because that side of me is for those I hate/have issues with. So be grateful I chose to show you the caring and loving side of me otherwise you would've seen the devil in me and I don't see the point of bringing him out when I was just trying to catch a vibe with you but instead, I caught an itch that's pissing me off. 

I gave you everything that I had to make you smile but I guess I should've done the absolute least cause apparently a person like you only lingers on the past and can't accept someone ever being good enough for you or to you and it breaks my heart knowing I went out of my way to be caring and loving and on my best behavior just to be called clingy. Like are you being so dead ass right now? If I had known you didn't care to be treated right then I would've just treated you as if you were just a regular person but instead, I chose to play favorites and make you a priority and I'm just now realizing that I should have never done that.

Maybe then my clinginess would have never came to light. But that's just not me nor how I was raised. So I fully apologize you wanted someone who doesn't care and lets you literally fend for yourself when I was just trying to be helpful and respectful to all your needs and wishes. I guess I should've just ghosted you like how you did to me only to realize ghosting you would've just made me sadder and looked at as a bad guy and I'm tired of being the bad guy in people's eyes. So I stuck around and tried to talk to you on your terms only to be shut out! 

So please tell me what exactly it was you wanted me to do? You were literally calling me a cutie and my reactions were pure and likable as to any other person would be when they've got someone calling them a cutie from someone they enjoy seeing and talking to, which so I thought but correct me if I'm wrong. Was I supposed to just be a smart ass about it and just tell you to stop you're pissing me off? Please make it make sense!! This whole talking and linking up stages are so played out and I'm sick of them!! I literally told you what I wanted and you said the same so that's why I thought okay cool finally found someone I can just be myself around and hang out with but I guess we're on a different page in the same book because the text you sent clearly said otherwise!!!!