Blog Post 317

Honestly,  It's a Shame...

I didn't understand it at the time as to what you meant by the words you said but now that I'm looking back at it all. I can see that it would always be just something temporary and the memories I made with you would just stay as memories and nothing more. So tell me why I'm stuck hoping things could be different when it was just a temporary thing from the start. I wish I could have seen this coming but I tend to fall head-first into the deep end causing me to only see the good in that one person and nothing else. I wish I could have told you how you made me really feel but instead, I got caught up in living in the moment with you thinking I had found the one who could be all I needed in life. But I guess life just has a different path for me but I'm too blind to see it.

I tried to see the good in you but I guess you were only focusing on the bad with me and that's the part that hurts like hell to know. I did all could to make you happy but I guess my all wasn't good enough and I'm kind of used to it at this point. I give the love I missed out as a child to those around me hoping it would make them see me in a different light but all it's done is hurt me. I tried so hard to be caring and kind only to be called something that made me reevaluate my whole existence. I'm confused as to what it means to be kind and gentle now when it comes to being with someone new.

The only thing I keep asking and thinking to myself is if I'm doing too much and how much they must think I'm annoying them. It's all so negative that at this point it's just easier to give up on everyone around me. I hate feeling like I'll never be the one and only for someone when I make it very clear that's what they are to me. No matter how much I go out of my way to make them feel special it just always seems to come back to me being hurt in the mist of it all. So what am I supposed to do and feel when everything I do just makes it seem like they don't care about the things I do with them? At this point, I just wanna forget your name and make the memories fade away. But yet part of me is still holding on and it's frustrating as hell holding onto someone who brought out the best in me but somehow chose to walk away from it all.