Blog Post 334

Missing You Like Hell… But I Gotta Keep My Distance!

I know I never officially said goodbye to you and come to think of it I don’t think I ever will when it comes to you! It’s not because you did anything wrong or anything like that! I just don't feel right saying goodbye to the one I still love! I know it doesn’t make much sense right now but I can do my best to explain it!

Basically, I looked at your most recent and I got to thinking that yeah you’re the one I let get away but I know it was for the best of us! You’re clearly back with them and that’s totally cool with me since we were only talking for a minute but it would’ve been easier on me if you had just told me that you were waiting for them to come back so I didn’t have to hate myself and end up wanting to change everything about me after all the things you made me feel!

But I forced myself to just let the feelings go even at the times when I still missed you! But I know saying my goodbyes to you wouldn’t last forever since we would one day cross paths and laugh together at some random thing and proceed to make us happen once again! So me telling you goodbye never crossed my mind because I only saw you in the future and I’ll still hold on to that thought with all my heart and make you feel wanted even on the days you feel like you have nobody!

I’m just so sick of losing those I care about so if I just sat back and told myself I didn’t care would it save me from the thought of having to fall in love and all of the sudden losing you right before my eyes? It fucking kills me every time we talk just to not say the things we really want to say because I’m stuck thinking to myself it’s not the time or place for that right now even though the pain it could bring to you would break me to shreds! So I just sit in the car looking at your face thinking what’s the worst that could happen knowing falling in love just to watch you leave is the worst thing possible! So I act like it doesn’t bother me and laugh it off knowing I just wanna hold your hand and feel your lips on my lips hoping you’d feel the same as I do when it comes to you!