Blog Post 335

Don't Forget to Laugh Even When It Hurts

Heart beats but tears come falling down. Yet you're still in front of me asking what it is I'm crying about when it's because of you. I just don't have the guts to tell you. So I push you to the side and wipe my tears away. Thinking to myself there's no need for this. So I smile back and act as if it's nothing even though you're literally everything I want but I'm not sure how to say it without making it seem all awkward. So I walk back to you and end up getting closer to you with every inch there is just to get a feel for how you really feel about me and all I can hear is your heart beating rapidly while mine is frozen in time. I look you in your eyes to see how long we'd make eye contact for just to get lost in time and smile away.

I know there's no need for the he loves me, he loves me not phrase but at this point, I can't really tell anymore. The way you move and speak is so precise yet still confuses me. I guess my body and mind can't handle the love and truth you proceed with. I'm no longer sure what it is I'm feeling but I know when you're next to me let alone in front of me I get numb and speechless to the point where I don't wanna say something stupid. I like the way you look at me just for me to look away and look back at you to see if your eyes lock back on mine and sure enough they do it every time. It's just a shame I'll never come to terms with you knowing that you're everything I want.

I'll proceed to keep my clothes on and let you take them off when you feel the time is right but never think I won't read your mind to figure out the things you want from me. Because there's no way you're randomly walking out and about just for me to spot you at my spot and you come running up to me as if there's something on your mind when it's only me from the way you get in closer and grab my hand. So tell me what it is you really want and we can go from there. But last I checked you didn't care to see me with someone new so what are you expecting me to do? 

Be the person you once were when we first met and I'll be the nice and caring guy that I was when I first met you face to face and we shouldn't have any problems unless you're planning on running off with someone new in the next 2 days then just keep away from me because when you're around I lose all focus on what's real and what's fake. So just be straightforward with what you want because I'll go down the rabbit hole and let go of what we once had and restart from the beginning knowing you'll be lost as to why I'm asking all the same questions as before.

I feel like you're thinking about me more than I think about you and it's kind of showing but I don't wanna find out as to why because that's not meant for me to find out. If one day you wanna go out of your way and explain to me the reasons for you leaving me and then coming back randomly out of the blue then please be my guest. But don't be shocked when I don't feel the same as I once did or end up acting differently. It's only because you hurt me to the point where I no longer care what you do or say. But yet my feelings are still there for you only because I just wanted the best for you and you leaving me clearly proved to me I wasn't the best for you. So we can just stay friends like you said and leave it at that. Not sure where I was in time when I was thinking of you, but when you came to me asking how I've been I knew this wasn't going to go the way we wanted.