Blog Post 338
Running In Circles Trying to Escape the Thought of You
I really wanna make this as easy and as self-explanatory as possible! I don’t want there to be any confusion as to who this is about and what it is they mean to me! Just note after this they’ll be in my book of right person wrong time! So please don’t get all mad over this and that when I’m just doing what I do best! Not trying to linger over the thought of them any longer. I just wanna say what’s on my mind and in my heart and let go of it all without a tear in sight! So let’s get into it!
Ugh, the fact that you made me feel all these things just to leave me empty-handed is so annoying! You were literally an angel but with a dark side I didn’t see coming and it’s my fault for letting my guard down to let you in! But I can see that even angels have dark motives and for you to prove that to me right in front of my face as I stood there asking you not to you did it anyways! So I ran out the door only to come back running into you on the other end! So I asked myself what it was you wanted and you said my heart but how could I have possibly given you my heart when it was shattered in pieces from my past relationships? It didn’t make sense for you to ask me such a thing thinking it would come as a whole!
You might have gotten your way with me but someone else got a piece of my heart before you and left the rest to burn in ashes so there’s no way you could have taken my heart as one when there was nothing there to begin with! You could have taken every piece one by one but you would never have the missing piece because someone else holds that piece with their own hands and until they decide to give it back you will never truly have my heart as much as it sucks knowing nobody not even you can have my whole heart there’s no point in giving it my all! I can only give you what you need and go from there! But It’s clear to me that I’m never going to be anything someone needs and for you to come in and think you’ll have my heart knowing there’s nothing there is beyond me! So do as you please but just note you’ll never have what’s meant to be had!
Am I mad at the person for taking a piece of my heart and burning the rest off? No, I’m not! It sort of helped me be more protective over my feelings and life! Not everyone I meet needs to see the caring and loving side of me! They’ll use it against me and think I’m easy when in reality I can be just as heartless and cold as the Arctic ice if needed to be but I won't let that side of me show because it’s not who I am! Yeah, it may want to come out and have that person see me for what I truly am but what good would that do?! Ugh, I fucking hate how people bring out the worst in me just by simply saying something and expecting me not to react and even if I was to just sit there and zone out they’ll keep gagging me on just to see a reaction! So why and how am I in the wrong for choosing to not fucks with people to protect my own well-being and peace of mind? Like, be so for real! I’m tired of this shit! Just let me be!
If I wanna love someone I will but I’m not wasting my time loving someone who isn’t a good fit for me or simply put, toxic to my environment and my mental health!! Fuck all that shady shit and let me breathe for a minute while I figure out what it is I’m going to do! You can lay up next to me all you want but as soon as I peep some shit you’re done & gone! Don’t fucking think you can just sit there and play in my face when I peep every sneaky shit even when I don’t mean to peep shit out! I swear the amount of drama I’ve saved myself from simply just being a nonchalant and nonreactive person is crazy!! Shit if it was a competition I would have placed 1st in every category!