Blog Post 342

180 Down the Freeway Just to Escape the Pain and Tears

I guess when they told me to live fast die young I took it way too seriously and let the car do all the work while I just sat back and applied my foot to the gas pedal and she took off. I don't care about the cops pulling me over, maybe they can help me not feel so guilty and sad about the pain I've caused to those I loved the most. You can tell by the way I'm feeling and thinking that this isn't going to end the way you want so just sit back and let it happen even if it's not our time yet. Let's just do it one last time and laugh it off at the finish line wherever that may be. There's no telling when I'll stop or where this road that we're on will lead us but if it's somewhere safe and out of the way of everyone then I'm down to see the end of it.

I have people telling me they wanna see me do my thing but the only thing I know how to do is drive fast and let my pain do all the talking when I'm behind the wheel. There's no better feeling than letting the pain take over and feeling a rush of adrenaline just to find out you got what it takes to act up in traffic without even realizing it and your body starts to shake from the rush of blood flowing through your feet and arms. It's the best kind of feeling that I get the happiest sense of joy in my life where nothing else matters but the open lanes of traffic waiting to get passed. I feel like it's easier when I do it on my own so I don't have to risk the chance of hurting those next to me so I do it all off the grid and act as if I'm okay when in reality it's when I feel the most vulnerable and upset with myself that it's just easier to blast my music and have my eyes scan the roads for every possible clear path without the thought of crashing into someone.

The thought of freedom that I feel while doing what I do is such a thrill and high to me that I tend to pause for a minute and chill going with the steady pace of traffic but then I get a sense of boredom and start cutting up and get a sense of high to where nothing else seems to matter and I'm well aware it's dangerous but the way I'm wanting to go out and live my life it's no big deal to me. I'm just looking for a rush and high that gives me something to look back on and I'll do everything I can to stimulate my body and whatever I can to calm its craving for a high. So if it's this and that then so be it. Just don't come asking questions about what it is I'm doing or why I'm on E all of the sudden! It's all good and I'm in a much better head space now that I've done what felt right and got a high off the feeling of speed and living in the fast lane.

Don't bother me talking about my safety when safety never mattered to you before. It only mattered to you when other people's lives were being at risk! But what about my own life? Yeah, exactly! My safety never seemed to be an issue for you so don't come to me about this and that when you only care about what's best for you. So stop fucking up my mood and flow and go about your own doings. You're like a fly on the wall and when you peep some shit that only seems to be relevant to your doings you come out of nowhere and start going off. Like, get the fuck out of here! You only know about my whereabouts because I let you. If I cut ties with you like I know I should have you would be at my grave placing flowers over it and talking to me about how it was your fault for not knowing sooner when the hints were everywhere, you just chose to not pay attention. So by all means I'm done with this and you! Do what you want but let me live my life to how I want and don't come looking for me when my time comes because it'll be too late to save me!