Blog Post 347
Lie to Me Once More...
Can I go ahead and ask you one more favor even if that favor seems stupid to where it’ll make you do a double take? I need you to lie to me about the way you really feel and tell me how you hate me to where you wish I never existed in your life so we can both be better off with our own doings and leave each other be?! I can’t help but see you in a different light every time I look at you and it’s killing me knowing how badly I fucked up with you! I tried to convince myself to stay and fix the things I broke but in the end, there was nothing more I could do because the damage we both caused was too far gone to be put back together!
The door remains unlocked and opened for the both of us but by the looks of it, there’s no point in going through it! You tell me that you need me but then push me out the way when I get too close and I’m stuck asking myself what was that for only to realize you don’t like the feeling of me being close to you because of all the trauma you’ve been through! So I just stand there shedding my tears for you because how am I supposed to tell you that I love you when you push me away to where you don’t want to see my face?!
Am I supposed to just run and hide just to find another way to your heart? Or can I still stand by your side so if you fall I’ll be there to catch you? I need to know because the thought of you not being happy with someone else just kills me on the inside knowing I made you happy and you’re the one who brought me joy every day since the second I met you! So tell me how us fighting and you pushing me away is supposed to be the best decision?! I just wanted to be honest with myself and you when it came to making us work but you took my honesty as a threat and I didn’t have anything left to say when you hit me in the face thinking I’d hit back but instead I just froze and looked at you with a blank stare while my heart was simply being shattered piece by piece!
I was too scared to do or say anything else so I just stepped away not knowing there was a step so I fell and hit my head against the concrete just to bleed out the pain I felt and give you the benefit of the doubt! I guess the thought of me hating you had no purpose in my life so the second best option was me bleeding out with your hand on my face wiping the blood away from my eyes! Only to see you cared more about me than what you led on with! But after that I don’t remember what it was we were fighting about due to the concussion I had! I guess everything happens for a reason but even then, I don’t understand why you chose to stay and comfort me when you could have simply just left me to bleed out and let me die like you wished upon me?!
I understand I was never enough and never what you wanted! But yet you chose and stayed to help!? Why?! You didn’t care about me or my well being so why did you do it!! Fucking tell me!!? It didn’t make sense for you to do all that!! Is what I was asking you only for you to come in closer and hug me as I was crying my eyes out and yelling at you to leave me alone because I simply couldn’t believe the things I was seeing and hearing! I wish I could have prevented all the things that happened between us two but I guess from that point being it was just all an illusion so we could work it through! But the pain and tears I cried out just for you to stay never seemed to matter to you! So once again why the fuck did you do it?!? Please just let me know so I can stop telling myself that I’d rather die than be seen with someone like you!