Mak

Trying to Forget About What's Her Name! I understand you and I haven’t been on the best of terms when it comes to us being together but the drugs and pain haven’t changed anything about the things I feel or do when it comes to you! I still get sad every time I think of you and when I lock eyes with you I feel completely numb not knowing how to talk to you when you’re around! I still shy away from speaking to you knowing that’s all you want me to do but I just can’t help but think you still hate me for all the damage I’ve done! It’s understandable but I’m not ready to call you the one I let get away knowing that’s what it’s coming to! I wish I could stay and erase the pain but that’s highly unlikely right about now because we’ve already gone through the phases of back and forth knowing we can’t keep doing this!  It’s just crazy how much history we have. Looking back at what we had to have it be over, it just doesn’t sit right with me! I keep thinking there’s gotta be another way for...

Leave Me Alone This has nothing to do with you it’s just something I’ve gotta work out on my own knowing there’s no looking back at it once it’s done! I just want this to be for me and me only but yet part of me can’t make it all towards me when you were involved in the feelings I was having! So I’m trying my best not to worry about these feelings I’m having right now so instead I worry about the thought of losing you knowing you’re the only one who gets me from the anti-social behavior to the laughing til I’m crying on the bathroom floor! It’s hard going through life-changing events when the feelings I’ve had for you since day one are slowly starting to fade into the void not knowing what’s next to come! I sit back and let you do you and let you reach out when you’re ready only to feel a sense of loneliness every time! You text me saying that you need me but I see you with that other guy and my is telling me that I’m no longer needed so I walk the other way and hope to never see you a...

Something About Your Eyes & Smile Has Me Wanting to Be Yours Yeah, I get it the title is long and straight to the point but anyways, besides all that! There’s this person who’s so damn fine I just can’t get them out of my head and as much as try they keep reappearing making me want to go out of my way and make a move on them! I just know if I make a move or peep the slightest hint of me liking them more than a friend then I’ll lose them all together! So instead I ball up all my feelings and go about my life without a single thought about them even though it’s breaking my heart piece by piece! I can’t help but find this person to be an angel sent from heaven the way they move and talk makes me feel as if they’re from another planet! Everything about them is so beautiful and perfect that it’s hard to find a single flaw about them and even if there was a flaw or two about them then I’d love them either way! There’s no telling where they came from or who sent them to me but I’m very gr...

Left a Mark Just to Leave Me Feeling All Alone I know this is going to make zero sense since I’ve only mentioned this person to my best friend, but hopefully, it all makes sense eventually because the way I feel about them is something I’ve only felt once in my life. Now that I see and feel the things I feel with this person, I think it’s best if I just let it out and not talk about it anymore!  I feel like I got too close to this person and it’s my fault for thinking we could be friends and acting as if I’m fine with just being friends but when I look at you I feel so many things knowing I can’t act on the things I feel because it would only make things worse for me and I’m not trying to feel that way right now! I just want to conclude that what we have right now will only be what it is right now and nothing more! So in the meantime, I’ll go ahead and cry and yell to my friend all I want about this and that but it’s not going to change the way I feel towards you! I can deny the fe...

I'm not Trying to Be a Bother to You or Anyone Else I know it’s not my place to talk about our past and the battles we lost but there’s just a lot to process when it comes to you and me! I was young and dumb when it came to you and I thought my best was all it took to get things right but in reality, it was much more than that! I was only concerned for what was best for myself at the time and never for you and I take full responsibility for my actions that caused you pain without me even knowing it! I thought you were just being dramatic and looking for attention when in reality the pain you were feeling was completely valid I was just too dumb to take the time to understand it from your point of view! I was only looking for the next best thing when it came to us and the pain and suffering never seemed to cross my mind! I knew if I had acknowledged the bad then my mind would feel the sadness and pain that was happening and prevent me from doing my own thing!  I wanted to take a ste...

Why Do You Lie to Me Not trying to be that guy but this shit gotta stop. We talk and things are good only to run shit back and realize it was all a lie. I text you back only to realize the shit I'm bout to ask makes me look like I'm asking something stupid when it's just something I need to know about so I'm not stuck having to wonder about it all day and night. It's upsetting having to sit in front of you knowing there's something that needs to be asked only to hold it in and just forget all about it so I don't upset you. It's not fair having to know something that you think I don't know about. It makes me wonder if anything that you ever told was ever true or if it was all just for show so I would stay by your side. The things you do are so well hidden it's hard to tell if it's even worth trying to find out the things you do. I want to be part of your world but when you go and shut me out it's hard to tell if you and I are even meant to...

Never Knew a Minor Change Would Hurt This Bad I get we didn't know each other very long but the thought of you leaving and doing your own things hurt like hell. I thought of all the things we did only to realize it would all stop and nothing more would come out of us. The blame game was all too real to let anything else slide that we just lost control in the process and as much as I tried to hold on to the feelings we had they were just gone. I did all I could to save myself from the pain you brought my way only to realize that pain was all I was missing. All we ever did was go back and forth on letting one another go only to see what we were missing and go back and forth with the feelings only to come back and figure shit out only to repeat the cycle once more and even though that shit hurt like hell. It was worth it in the end. I used to call you day and night to make sure you were safe and well only to hear your voice telling me how much you hate the shit they do to you. So I co...

You're All I See When I Close My Eyes I guess this is where things start making sense since you're the talk of the town when it comes to me now. This is kind of crazy because we don't even really do much but cross paths with one another every few weeks only to give each other the side eye wishing things could be different between us. But instead, we keep pushing ourselves deeper and deeper into a hole that'll soon be filled with the things we never said to one another. I looked your way only to think about how things should be between us two but then my friends told me that you're no good for me only to go find out for myself to see how bad you really are towards me. I predicted that it was all just lies to keep me away from you but once I reached out to you and got a taste of what you were all about I could see it in your eyes that the things they were saying and warning me about were all true and it hurts thinking that I told myself they were all lies to begin wit...

I Miss the Old You You know where this is going so why act like you don’t understand the shit I explained to you over the phone? You keep trying to act as if it’s nothing when it’s something that matters to me the most! You keep pretending as if things are good between us two but then again you’re going behind my back to do some slick shit and then proceed to go off on me as if I’m in the wrong when I ask you about your whereabouts!! Which is fine if that’s what makes you feel secure and good about yourself but don’t expect me to sit here and make it seem like what you’re doing will make me stay! You wanna keep me around only to break me when I’m just trying to get through to you! I have a lot of love for you but sitting here thinking bout the damage and the cost it’s going to take to repair it’s making me feel like I should love you less and move on with my own doings from you! You keep asking what it is I wanna do only to figure out how to come to my senses and tell you nothing when ...

I Didn't Mean to Cry When Talking with You Honestly, I don’t even know what caused me to feel the things I felt when it came to you! I was chilling vibing having a good time only to look your way and feel some type of way not knowing how to make those feelings come to light! I kept second-guessing my doings only to start making my point across to you while having tears come down my face not knowing what the hell just happened! I was so confused as to what even just happened that I felt so bad for everyone in that room! I walked out to go wash off the tears coming down my face only to come back feeling even sadder because what the actual fuck was that?! I’ve never done this before and knowing this is how it went down was so confusing to me! I wanted to leave and forget about it ever happening but I stayed and tried to keep my head held high but the tears kept falling down and then I started to feel the anxiety coming in and that’s when I knew I had to go!! I never really knew what t...

Lately, I've Been Thinking About... You & the Things I Regret! I know me being gone for 11 years has caused you more pain than I’ll ever know but being away from you this long was never my intention. I thought maybe it would have just been a few weeks to a month! I never expected it to be 11 years! But yet here we are 11 years apart thinking we were so perfect together only to realize there will never be a love like the one we shared! Everything just flowed so effortlessly that there was no need to think about the things we did and said! I miss everything about you even the small things about you! I never knew missing someone over the smallest things could put me in such a feeling I can’t explain!  The love we shared was unlike anything I’ve ever felt and for it to just end the way it did hurt like hell knowing it was my fault for letting you walk away! I thought if I ran and flew to you and asked for your hand again you would have seen how much you meant to me and how much I w...

I Could See It In Your Eyes No matter how many times I try to avoid the lies in your eyes I get a feeling of being something more than us just being friends. The way your eyes lock on me makes me question our existence as if what we have should be more only to realize it'll never work how we want it to. I can tell by the nightfall that it's all just an act and that in the morning you'll have no memory of feeling what you did for me. It's not like I want to feel these things when it comes to you it's just I know what will happen if we go down the path of catching feelings for one another. I know the feeling isn't the best feeling at times but sometimes it's all I need to feel and know when it comes to you. There's so much more to what you're leading on with and it makes me question if what we have is a lie or if we're meant to be only to come back to realize leaving one alone is what was best. I can't tell when it comes to those eyes gazing my...

Shit Hasn't Been the Same Since You Left I guess I can go ahead and get this shit out there and be done with the thought of knowing it was my fault and there was nothing I could do to make it right!  We both knew where this path would have led us if we had made it our goal to walk down it! Every piece of my heart would shatter and fall apart with every step we took knowing there was no looking back at the life we once knew! I could have gone out of my way and put all of the shattered pieces into your hands but then again those pieces would have brought you back to me one day knowing what we had was real and worth everything we had lost! I don’t know why but the timing was never right and as much as we tried to make it seem like the timing was on our side and the things we shared were meant for just the two of us the stars had other plans for us! We pushed and shoved everyone out of the way just to get a glimpse of one another only to be pushed further and further away from one anot...

I Tried to Warn You... But You Didn't Care to Listen I know this isn’t the time but you were always on my mind even on the days you were going off and throwing shit my way knowing it had nothing to do with me! I went back to the places I had no business being in because you were going off causing me more harm than good! As much as I would try and take it in part of me felt lost trying to figure out why you were doing all these things knowing I’d always be there for you! You didn’t seem to understand your problems were my problems but you kept going out of your way and making it seem like you had to do it on your own when I’m always right next to you! Even on the days I’m going through personal shit! You were coming at me sideways and telling me I was never there for you made me realize you didn’t mean it and you were just going off on the anger you felt so I just stood there thinking of what more I could do but before my mind could think of anything my arms were wrapped around you!...

Going Out of Your Way to Fix a Heart You Didn't Break How did we even get to this point that we’re at? It’s like one wrong move only leads to three bad mistakes just to end up back to the start! We keep doing our best to make things work but still get caught up in the lies we once told! It’s not fair for me to be this way towards you when you’re just trying to help me! But I know deep down inside I’m broken and you’re just trying to do your best to help me! But sometimes I wish you didn’t! I sometimes need time to process the pain that I’ve been dealing with and let it be for what it is! It’s not like I’m trying to ignore the pain I brought upon myself but it’s more or less of something that’s not your problem to fix or solve! So if I could just be left alone when things get hard for me that would be great! I’m sorry if what I’m saying might sound like me being an ass but it’s just how shit should be! It’s not your problem so why should you be the one to get involved? I’m sorry it’...

I Didn't Mean to Show You the Pain I Hide From Everyone I know my past mistakes were stupid and uncalled for! But why would you make me sit and endure the pain everyone was making me go through knowing I would react in anger! You made it seem like the things people were yelling at me and then proceeded to break me down piece by piece was a normal thing! I was too afraid to be out and around others, and speaking to others didn’t seem to cross my mind! I ended up shutting down in public so I wouldn’t be noticed and approached! I tried my hardest to forget all the pain and abuse I was experiencing only to now be reminded of everything that went down because of you! I felt alone most of my teenage years just to finally find someone who understands me and appreciates me for me even though my heart is still in pieces! I try my best to look at all the positives when it comes to my life but there's still some nights where I'll break down and feel so lost! I don’t know why I break d...

Just Two Kids Trying to Figure it all Out Why must it always be a back-and-forth battle regarding the things we love. You say one thing but then do the other thing only to cry about not doing the other thing you had in mind. You claim you want more in life but you keep holding yourself back and I'm trying to help you in all the ways that I can but you still didn't seem to care to listen to me. So I let you do your own thing only to find out months later you fell off and started using drugs. I was in shock that my anger came out because what the actual fuck?! After everything we've been through you had to go and start using everything in the book and for what? Were you trying to get away from me that bad that you had to start using? Come on now be so for real.  I called and texted you who knows how many times trying to get a hold of you just to get a dial tone and a message on my phone saying messages can't be sent. So like what the hell was I supposed to do? You're ...

Why Do We Even Bother?! I know I might seem like an ass saying all this shit but I’ve just got to let it be for what it is and move the hell on! We go back and forth with the emotions and feelings all to end up in another state of mind where we hate each other only problem is you come and go as you please as I stay in place! There’s never any room for me to talk or do what I need to do when you’re around! I feel trapped but at the same time, I enjoy your company which makes no sense! I guess the feelings are stronger than I can imagine/put into perspective!  I just wish you didn’t go out of your way and break my heart just to walk away! You could’ve saved me the pain just by simply leaving without a trace! But instead, you came and ripped it out my chest just to make me see how much you didn’t care about me! I guess the feeling at the time was valid for what we had going on and I should’ve just fell back like you asked but I was too caught up in us that it didn’t make any sense for...

You Made Your Bed, Just to Go & Fuck Up Mine I had a feeling that this would happen but I kept it to myself. You came and got your things only to ask me one last thing that I was feeling uneasy about. I knew what it meant if we had done it but I just wasn't ready for someone like you knowing he was still around. So I said maybe in another life or two we can come back to this but for now, I think it's best if you just leave. I knew that I wouldn't have ever looked at you the same way if we had went through the thing you wanted. I felt it wasn't my place to be the one to do something like that with you. So I just stood there watching you pack your things only to get a text from someone asking for you. I told you to go ahead and talk to them hoping it would set you straight but instead, you just ended up crying so I rushed out to see what the deal was only for you to lean in closer and hold me tight as if this was something else. I didn't know what to do but switch...

If This Is What It Feels Like... I can tell this isn't the way I was meant to go about it all but if this is what the feeling is like when it comes to you then I'd have to go ahead and hit decline. There's no way I should be crying every time you say my name. I can't help but sit at every red light thinking about how things could have been differently knowing the only thing that could have prevented it all was simply by me just not coming in that day. But I did and you were there looking right at me. I was confused as to what to do so I just looked at the floor hoping you didn't notice me only to see you at the checkout line. I got so nervous my heart was beating faster and faster by the second that I started to shake a bit because I didn't know if you were coming closer to me or if you had just stayed where you were. I left the store only to drive out of the city hoping you didn't follow. I never felt the things I felt til I was sitting in my car going 90 d...

Don't Bother Choosing Me How am I lying when I tell you there are plenty of others for you to choose from when I'm literally saying it with a straight face. You're so clueless as to what I want and need that this is exactly why I told you to do that. You think I'm here trying to be this and that when I simply don't know how to feel about you. I don't care about the things you do and say to me when there are no feelings to be had with you. You're just someone I talk to every now and then but when I mention someone new I'm talking with you're quick to catch an attitude.  You're cool to hang out with and talk to about certain things but I can't see myself being with you. You're great and all I just know if we make this friendship something more then the feelings will switch up and things might go south and I'm not trying to risk the thought of losing you. At least not for now or anytime soon. There's so much more I wanna do with you ...

Thank You, For Staying By My Side I never knew you'd go out of your way to do what you do, but at the same time, it was pretty obvious as to what you were about. I was just too stupid to realize it. You never really cared to give me the time of day even though you somehow managed to come find me when it best suited you which made no sense from my point of view. Because I made time for you regardless if I was too busy or not. I didn't regret clearing out my schedule if it meant I'd get a second to a minute or even an hour with you. I just wanted to do my part and look good for you whenever you came by.  I don't know, you were everything I needed at the time but I guess I wasn't everything you needed and that's the hard reality of things it seems. I was so caught up in making you happy and making things always right when it came to you that nothing felt right when it came to me though. But I'm a people pleaser when it comes to those I care about so I do apolog...

When You Were with Me Not sure how else to put the things I think about into words when it comes to you but just know everything I’m about to say is the reason why I loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you! I understand my time with you was sweet and short but nothing could have prepared me for the way I felt towards you! I kept you close to me because I knew the world around you wasn’t safe! So if anything happened to you I’d be right there to help you with whatever situation that came across! I knew that there was something special about you that needed to be seen and acknowledged! The way you spoke your mind and the way your smile brightened up my day just made everything around me seem so peaceful! I had nothing to fear or worry about when you were around! The look in your eyes told me everything I needed to know when it came to you and me!  Being with you was a breath of fresh and I couldn’t help but take it all in! I loved the way you loved me and the way you treated ...