Blog Post 356

Thank You, For Staying By My Side

I never knew you'd go out of your way to do what you do, but at the same time, it was pretty obvious as to what you were about. I was just too stupid to realize it. You never really cared to give me the time of day even though you somehow managed to come find me when it best suited you which made no sense from my point of view. Because I made time for you regardless if I was too busy or not. I didn't regret clearing out my schedule if it meant I'd get a second to a minute or even an hour with you. I just wanted to do my part and look good for you whenever you came by. 

I don't know, you were everything I needed at the time but I guess I wasn't everything you needed and that's the hard reality of things it seems. I was so caught up in making you happy and making things always right when it came to you that nothing felt right when it came to me though. But I'm a people pleaser when it comes to those I care about so I do apologize for going out my way and making sure you were happy and doing well. 

I couldn't find it in me to be anything else when you were around and as much as I tried to be myself I only showed you my best side and that may have been the problem. I should've been upfront with you from the start but I was scared that you go and judge me for it. So I acted my best and kept my cool every time you came around. I had nothing bad to say to you when you were around I just fell deeper in love with you each time and I know it wasn't right but how could I have possibly stopped myself from doing such a thing when you were something out of a movie it seemed like.

I felt like I wanted nothing more to do with you but at the same time, I wanted everything there was to do with you. I just kept fighting the feeling of leaving and staying because the things you would make me go through was a pain I've never felt before and it was getting the best of me to where I needed to go for a walk just to not return afterward. But instead, I locked that door and stayed in for the night and dealt with the aftermath of it all. 

I woke up only to see you in your favorite sweats with no shirt on and I couldn't help myself but be in awe cause you looked so damn cute at the time and I didn't know how anyone else could ever compare to you and your looks. I was taking it all at the time and nothing felt better than you being next to me knowing things were exactly how they should be between you and I at the time. I regret nothing but the thought of leaving you. I thought me leaving at the time would have saved me from the pain but I think it would have just made it worse for me and then yourself because I left without a reason. But in my head, the reasons were all right there not realizing it was normal for the little argument we were having. 

I just knew I didn't want to be a placeholder for you / in your life just in case you were holding off for someone else. I talked to you about the things I needed for myself so I wouldn't feel so out of place when it came to you and all you did was hug me towards the end of our discussion which made me a bit confused but also feel safe at the time. I could tell you didn't want to see me walk out that door and I never felt better about you and us and what we had. I couldn't have asked for someone better for me than you because you adjusted to my needs and I adjusted to yours and everything just worked.

I remember all the little talks we had as you held me close only to ask myself if you were really the one. But I'm not trying to find out any time soon because life is just going to take you away from me and it's going to hurt like hell if you're the one I'm meant to be with and one day you're just gone without a trace. I can't help but think about how things could go wrong with you and me but also I can't imagine how things could ever go right between us either. We're so alike but also we think so differently. You're an extrovert and I'm an introvert. So our life preferences differ from each other but somehow you stay and make it work. 

Which tells me you care way more than just a little like you said. I think you care a lot about me but you know if you said it I would let it go to my head a little too much lol. so you went and humbled me real quick which is funny because you stay saying some slick shit to me and I think that's why we get along so well and easily. You speak your mind and don't hold back!! So thank you for everything you do to keep me around to make sure I'm safe and happy. It means a lot to me even though I'm not the best when it comes to showing my feelings at times.