Blog Post 357

Don't Bother Choosing Me

How am I lying when I tell you there are plenty of others for you to choose from when I'm literally saying it with a straight face. You're so clueless as to what I want and need that this is exactly why I told you to do that. You think I'm here trying to be this and that when I simply don't know how to feel about you. I don't care about the things you do and say to me when there are no feelings to be had with you. You're just someone I talk to every now and then but when I mention someone new I'm talking with you're quick to catch an attitude. 

You're cool to hang out with and talk to about certain things but I can't see myself being with you. You're great and all I just know if we make this friendship something more then the feelings will switch up and things might go south and I'm not trying to risk the thought of losing you. At least not for now or anytime soon. There's so much more I wanna do with you but I'm not trying to rush into it. I don't know why it's so hard for you to just play your part and do your own thing. You don't really need me by the way you talk to me and all these other guys you're with. It's cool you're living the life and doing all the happy things but just be safe and don't get caught up being pregnant because I know that's not the path you wanna be on right now. 

I apologize for being so hard on you when you're with me I just want the best for you. I don't understand why things feel like oil and water between us two sometimes and other times we can't let go of one another. It's all too confusing but at the same time, I'm having a blast experiencing it all with you. So please just tell me how it's going to be and we can go from there. I don't want to be the only one who falls in love when the time comes only to feel heartbroken knowing it's what you wanted all along. But I guess me waiting for the amount I did made you realize as to why I was holding off for so long. I just wanted to make sure all my flaws and past mistakes wouldn't come in the way of us and it would make me a better person for you. 

I know I shouldn't be trying so hard to be a better person but there's just something about you that's making me be this way. I can't help but think about changing everything there is about me just to see you happy. But I know it's not realistic but at the same time, it's all I can think about when it comes to you. I know our time will come eventually so I guess I'm just trying to get myself in check before it comes to a reality knocking at my front door. I know what we have now can never be broken but if it becomes more than it just might and that's my only fear.